Why Your Brain is Your Biggest Enemy in Weight Loss - And How to Fight Back

Are you tired of starting over every Monday? Do you find yourself saying "I'll be good tomorrow" while beating yourself up for every imperfect choice?

In this eye-opening episode, Dr. Orlena reveals the hidden mental patterns that are secretly sabotaging your health goals - and why willpower alone will never be enough.

Drawing from the groundbreaking work on Positive Intelligence, she exposes the nine "saboteurs" living in your head: from the Controller who demands perfection, to the Pleaser who puts everyone else first, to the Victim who blames circumstances for every setback.

Here's what you'll discover:

• The Judge and Nine Saboteurs Framework - Learn to identify the specific negative thought patterns that keep you stuck in cycles of self-defeat, starting with the inner "judge" that kicks off every bout of self-criticism
• Why Your Strengths Become Your Weaknesses - Understand how the very traits that make you successful in other areas of life (like being a high achiever or wanting to help others) can actually work against your health goals when they tip into negative brain mode
• The Reframing Revolution - Master the art of shifting from destructive self-talk to empowering inner dialogue, transforming thoughts like "I'm failing" into "I'm learning and growing"

Through a powerful real-life story about a neighbor trapped in victim mentality, Dr. Orlena shows how these patterns play out in daily life - and more importantly, how awareness and reframing can set you free.

If you're ready to stop fighting your own mind and start working with it, this episode will give you the tools to identify your personal saboteurs and begin the transformation from negative to positive brain.

Your health journey starts in your head - isn't it time you got your mind on your side?

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Transcript

 Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Fit and Fabulous with me, Dr. Orlena. I hope that you are feeling amazing today. Today I want to explore a little bit about mindset. You know, I love to go on about mindset, but I really think it is such an important. Part of whatever we are doing. And it's a really important part because mostly people don't realize what a big impact they, their thoughts are having on their life.

Let me tell you a little story. I. So a few years ago we had to move out of our house whilst we were having works done on it and we moved to a different place. We moved to near the beach and that was lovely. It gets very busy in the summer actually. And we had a tiny, tiny house, which was a challenge.

And one of our neighbors, we lived in a row of houses and our neighbor was a lady in her late seventies and she was really morose really. Really negatively wired, but [00:01:00] she couldn't see this. And at the time I tried to, talk to her and chat to her. But really knowing that unless she really entered into a coaching program with me, then I wasn't really able to help her.

So the other day I was cycling to. To the beach and I bumped into her and I said, hello. And it was exactly the same story. This narrative of how she's struggling and how the world basically is against her. Now, I'm not trying to say that she doesn't have struggles in life and that she lives, that there are things that are difficult for her, but.

Part of her narrative, part of the things that she says does not help her. So for example, she was saying things like it's this town. This town is just awful. I hate this town. It really is bad for me. And all of these things and a long list of things that are a disaster. She lives two minutes from the most beautiful beaches in the world and she never goes down there and she never sees that.

[00:02:00] So she lives like behind them and she just basically never sees them and lives in. Urban life without experiencing that beauty. And she was talking about how she has three grandchildren who are little and she never gets to see them. I didn't understand the full story, but I think there were issues between her son and the mother of the children.

But instead of having a mindset, which is okay, everybody has struggles in life. I have struggles, I have challenges, but I can overcome them. She has a very negatively wired. Narrative. And for me, what I can see in her is a huge victim narrative. And I don't mean to judge her, I'm just using her as an example to illustrate a story.

Now. We all have different voices in our head. We all have what we call negative brain and what we call positive brain. And so I thought it would be useful to go over negative brain today and really look [00:03:00] at the different patterns that are involved in negative brain. And I have been over this before in the podcast, but I thought I would look at some particular stories that particular pattern might say in terms of health and wellness and really understanding.

These sabotaging voices, your negative brain and being able to shift into positive brain has amazing benefits in terms of leading your health and life. But really beyond that, it has amazing benefits in enjoying your life, in being productive and really. Making your life your best life, being your best you, and having your best life beyond just health and wellness, your relationships, your work, your feeling, product, productive, like whatever it is that you want to do in life.

Understanding how your brain works. It's like the major tool that we have in our life. If we don't understand how it works properly, it's like getting this amazing computer and only being able to use three of the functions so [00:04:00] that you are not really running it to its potential. So let's dive in. The first thing to say about your negative brain is that it starts with a judge, which says, I do not like this.

For example, your judge might be saying, I am so stupid for eating that cake again. Or it might be saying I'm weak and I have no willpower. I'm never able to lose weight. Like other people, my body is broken, damaged, beyond repair. Nothing is going to work now as if we needed some extra help. There are nine saboteurs and this work is attributed to.

A company called Positive Intelligence, which is run by a gentleman called Riz Charin. And if you haven't read his book, I totally recommend his book and he talks about the nine different saboteurs, the patterns that we have to help us. To help us say, I don't like something. So it's like this, your negative brain goes, I don't like something.

And then you've got all these little [00:05:00] voices which say, I don't like it because of this, and I don't like it because of that. And part of the problem with negative brain is it's very blinkered, it's very focused. So once you are in negative brain, it's almost like you are in a tunnel and you find it difficult to get out.

The avoider. The avoider is somebody who guess what wants to avoid doing something like my children who avoid cleaning their bedroom or doing their homework in terms of your health and wellness. Avoider, I think is actually one of the most difficult ones to change because. It's not so easy to see the avoider when we see the other things like the judge and we're angry.

We see this when I am triggered, so avoider isn't one of my big things. My, I put my hand up and say, I'm a controller and I'm hyper-rational and I can see these things when they're going on, so I can see when I'm in negative brain. Because there's a voice that's saying, oh my [00:06:00] goodness, do I have to do everything myself?

Now the thing with the avoider is you've avoided something so you might not notice it. You have to have a little bit more self-awareness. And it's very easy if you are avoider to get into repeated behavior and not be able to change it because you are avoiding making the decision that you need to change.

So avoider, I think, in my own personal experience is. A really tricky one. So it will say things like, I will start my diet on Monday, perpetually postponing. Or I see it with people who are like, yeah, I'm really keen to sign up with you, but, and then I'm gonna wait till the time is right. I'm gonna do it tomorrow.

I'm gonna go and check my finances. I'm gonna go and do this. And basically they are avoiding making a decision. And personally, I think there's huge great strength in being able to say, I'm making a decision Now. The decision is either yes and I'm really in, or the decision is no and I'm not in. But what an avoider will do is go, I'm gonna avoid [00:07:00] making that decision.

And by default, your decision is no. So what other things might the avoider say? I don't want to think about my right weight or my health right now. Let's just focus on the positive. Now, focusing on the positive is good as long as there aren't some big hairy elephant negatives that you really need to to avoid.

So doing things like skipping your doctor's appointment or avoiding other things like blood tests and things like that in terms of your health and wellness. Okay, moving on, controller. I am a controller, and the controller likes to really control a situation. And I see this with my children. So when my children start to get, negative and angsty and start fighting. I like to try and control the situation by stopping them and saying, can you all be quiet please? Now you might say that's a good thing. That's what parents should do, but it is me controlling. And so a controller in terms of your health and wellness [00:08:00] really likes to control.

Everything. It might be that you're counting calories or macros and really everything needs to be perfect. It might be that you're thinking, my family needs to eat exactly what I'm eating, or you might become anxious in social situations where food choices are limited. But basically what you're saying is if I can't do this a hundred percent perfectly.

There is no point. And clearly that's not true when, not when we really think about it. Okay. Hyper achiever now. I love hyper achievers and as a side note our saboteurs are also our strengths. When we're in positive brain, our saboteurs are actually our strengths. They're the way that we get used to.

Doing something. It's when they tip into negative brain and we are using them in an inappropriate situation, trying to control something that we can't control then, they become saboteurs and they're working against us. So a hyper achiever sounds like it's a really good thing, and yes, it is a really good thing.

In certain situations, it's gonna help you [00:09:00] drive to achieve what you want. But really, a hyper achiever sets standards for themselves much higher than they would set for other people. So you might notice, for example, that you judge your behavior in a way that you wouldn't judge other people. So for example, if you have.

Eaten something that you think you shouldn't have eaten, you will beat yourself up about it and really ground yourself down, as opposed to if that was somebody else, you would just shrug it off and go, Hmm, yeah, that's no big deal. I. And another thing that I see with hyper achievers as well is that they have what I call secret goals.

So they might set themselves a goal and then be disappointed that they reached their goal because they didn't reach their secret high goal. And I've seen this with clients who have reached a weight loss goal and then been disappointed and then gone, oh yeah, like, why am I disappointed? Because I reached my goal because I had another secret goal underneath.

A hyper achiever will say something like, I [00:10:00] do eat quite healthily, but I can't lose weight. So you're focusing on perfection rather than progress. Working out excessively to earn food. That all or enough nothing. Thinking of if I'm not losing two pounds a week, then I am failing constantly comparing progress to others or past achievements.

And for me, what I really notice is I will do a task and really. Focus on what I didn't do rather than what I did achieve. And I did a whole podcast about this. I think it was the last podcast. Here's another example. I set myself a mission to tidy my office at the beginning of every month, and I think I have done two or three months this year.

So it's now June. There was a possibility to do six, and I think I've done a third or half of them now. Two or three is probably more times than I did last year, so I could be really celebrating, oh wow. Well done. You tidied your office far more and it's looking much more tidy than it was last year.

Or I could beat myself up for the [00:11:00] months that I didn't do. Guess which one I do by default? I do that and I have to train myself to go, wait, no, look, you have made progress. So that is a hyper achiever, hyper rational. So a hyper-rational person is somebody who tries to solve an emotional problem through rationality.

And again, I put my hand up through this. So again, the strength in this is being able to look at something very logically. For example, with my children, they will get upset because they've lost a stick or something like that. So my rational brain goes, here you go. Here's another stick. No, they're not buying it.

Why? Because it's an emotional problem they have. They're upset that they've lost their stick or it's broken or something like that. It's not really about replacing the stick, it's about dealing with their emotions. And so when we come to a hyper-rational person, they basically dismiss the importance of emotions.

So [00:12:00] thinking about stress and sleep and emotional eating. And basically think that emotions don't play into this. And they do in so many ways, partly, or mostly because we are emotional creatures and we are, actions are hugely delivered by, driven by our emotions. And on top of that, stress really is partly emotions.

It's. Stress is really how we think about things and that we are wired to think about things in a negative way. And the emotion that you are feeling when you are feeling stress is anxiety or worry or fear. Basically it's fear of something. So you've got this low grade fear, which is essentially an emotion.

So another thing that hyper rationals might do do is ignore how social connections are an enjoyment factor, like work into sustainable health. Moving on hypervigilant. A hypervigilant person is somebody who is constantly looking out for [00:13:00] danger. Now, it is normal for us to look out for danger, but this person is looking out for danger on a much higher level than normal, and they might think it won't work for me. So you're scanning all the different ways that it could fail, or you would be thinking something like what if it works, but then I regain all the weight, or I can't eat carbs? They're dangerous. Basically catastrophizing about minor setbacks. I ate one cookie and my whole week is ruined.

Next up is pleaser. So a pleaser. And again, it can be nice to be a pleaser. The problem with being a pleaser is that you put other people's needs before yourself. And when you learn to manage this, you can put your own needs and you can please other people, not necessarily a hundred percent of the time, but that it is important to prioritize your own health and wellness and emotional needs.

That doesn't mean that if you're looking after other people, you can't help them. It doesn't mean that you have to neglect [00:14:00] them, but what it does mean is that you do actually pay attention to yourself. So a pleaser might say, I can't say no when other people offer me food because I don't want to hurt their feelings, or I don't have time because I'm constantly putting other people's needs first.

It might be that, you are cooking loads of separate meals for your family because. They don't like the food that you want to eat, but instead of focusing on healthy options that everybody can enjoy, or I can't go to the gym or do exercise because my family needs me. Now, obviously there are times in our life when it is really tricky when you have really young kids and you are struggling with work.

It can be really difficult, but that. Habit of putting other people first. And guess how I know this is a habit and there comes a stage when you go, do you know what? Actually, I do have the capacity to be able to put, I've got more in my bandwidth. And for me, definitely when I had young kids, I found it very difficult to do things and I started off just [00:15:00] doing one hour of yoga a week.

Since then, my kids are now much more, much older and much more capable of looking after themselves. They still need input. I still need to feed them. I still need to say hello to them every morning and give them a cuddle and all of those things. But I can do that in a much shorter time. And so wi of the window, whi out of the door going, I'm gonna go swimming.

I'll see you all at lunchtime. So it is being aware of everybody's needs and making sure that your needs aren't right at the bottom of the pile. Okay. Restless. A restless person is, moving on. They don't like to finish a project. They're always looking at the next thing, the next more exciting thing.

And really if you look at people with a DHD, this is one of the traits that they have. It's I don't wanna carry on doing this. I get bored halfway through, so after 10 minutes I'm looking for something new. We all have that to a certain extent. People with A DHD have it like, even more.

So somebody who's restless will be [00:16:00] constantly switching between different diets and exercise programs, so you don't really give anything enough chance to actually work and. Your brain gets to, this is boring. I need something new and more exciting. And this happens to everybody, not just people who have a DHD.

The brain works like this, the human brain gets bored, and we are constantly looking for changes and thinking, I want to do something new. Now, the secret to healthy living is to do it in a way that works for you and to keep doing it. And to keep doing it. And so the problem is if you are restless, you get to a stage where you're like, I'm bored of doing this.

I want to do something else. But there's nothing else better because you've chosen the best thing for you. So you can add variety in, obviously, and do slightly different things, but it's not about going, okay, I'm gonna try something totally new. What else? So starting multiple fitness challenges simultaneously, getting distracted by the latest health trends instead of sticking to the basics.

Now we have two more to go [00:17:00] stickler. A stickler is somebody similar to a controller, but slightly different. So a stickler really likes things to be done in a particular way. So for example. If you're thinking about washing up, there's around 200 different ways to washing up, but you want the washing up to be done in this particular way or any system that you have.

So a stickler will say things like, I won't be able to stick to it because it has to be done perfectly or not at all. Having rigid meal times and full food rules, giving up entirely after an imperfect meal. My workout doesn't count if I only did 20 minutes instead of 30 minutes. And last up, we have the victim.

And the victim is very much about blaming other people for your circumstances as opposed to just accepting your circumstances. My children, I have quite a lot of victims. In my makeup of my house. And quite often they blame me for stuff. They're like, mom, it's your [00:18:00] fault. And I'm like, what do you mean?

It's my fault? I wasn't even there. Like, how can it be my fault? But in their brain they're like if you hadn't done this it wouldn't have happened. And I think Brenny Brown gives a really good example of this in one of her talks where she talks about spilling her coffee and her husband. And blaming her husband because I can't remember what he'd done, but he'd put the coffee in one particular place, or the mug, or I don't remember, but her husband wasn't even there.

And she has this epiphany of this is all my husband's fault. Wait what? My husband isn't even here. And that's a really good example of that victim mentality. So a victim mentality might say something like, I can't pay that amount. I can't invest in myself in terms of time or energy because I'm not worth it.

Or my genetics, metabolism, age, make it all impossible. Everybody else has it much easier than me. My family, my work, my circumstances prevent me from being healthy. So this is just. An overview [00:19:00] of all of these different voices. So just to recap, we have got the judge, which says, I don't like it. Avoider controller, hyper achiever, hyper-rational, hypervigilant, pleaser, restless, stickler, and victim.

So now the question becomes how do we change this? You need to develop self-awareness and see what is going on. And really recognize that this is happening in your brain and basically train your brain to reframe all of these so you are strengthening your positive brain. So I was just gonna go over a few ways that you can overcome this or just answer in a different way.

For example. The judge might say, I'm so stupid for eating that cake again. Whereas your positive brain might say, I'm human and I'm learning. What can this moment teach me about what I actually needed? Was I tired? Was I stressed? Was I actually truly hungry? How can I respond with more awareness next time the avoider, [00:20:00] I'll start my diet on Monday.

Positive brain. What's one small kind thing I can do for my health right now? Even if it's drinking a glass of water or taking a few deep breaths, I can do something small. Now, controller, I need to control every calorie perfectly. Side note, we are only using calories as an example here. I don't teach people how to count calories.

I can explain that another day. Okay. Positive brain will say Health is about flexibility and trust. In my body's wisdom about nourishing myself, honoring both my goals and my life circumstances, how can I nourish myself today? Hyper achiever. I do eat quite healthily, but I can't lose weight. I must be failing positive brain.

My body is complex and responding in its own timeline. What other victories can I celebrate that I am in control of? Having [00:21:00] more eating healthily and doing some exercise. Really focusing on health and wellness rather than weight. Okay. Hyper-rational. If calories in versus calories out is a simple math, which by the way, doesn't work.

Why isn't this working? Okay. Positive brain. It's far more complicated than that. Things like stress and sleep and emotions and hormones. Are all important. It's not as simple as calories in versus calories out. Hypervigilant, it won't work for me. What if I regain all the weight positive brain? I can take this one day at a time, building sustainable habits that feel good.

Every healthy choice I make is valuable regardless of. Seeable outcome. There's always an outcome. There's always, I always think of it as like little grains of sand. There is always an [00:22:00] impact. Okay, pleaser. I don't have time because everybody needs me first. Positive brain taking care of myself allows me to better care for others.

What boundaries can I lovingly set though I so that I can show up as my best self for everyone, including me. Restless this healthy eating is boring. I need something more exciting. Positive brain. How can I bring curiosity and creativity to nourishing myself? What new healthy recipes or movement or wellness practice might I explore this week?

Stickler, I won't be able to stick to it perfectly. Positive brain. Progress over perfection. Every small step. Counts and flexibility is part of a sustainable jo, enjoyable approach to health. How can I make this easier and more enjoyable? Victim? I can't pay that amount because I'm not worth it. Positive brain.

I am absolutely worthy of health and happiness. What [00:23:00] creative ways can I invest in myself within my means? What small steps towards better health can I take right now with what I have? So those are just some examples. Now, if you are interested in this work, this is what we do in the Positively Healthy You Program.

It's not just about nutrition and exercise, it's really about the mindset piece as well. And on top of that, I have recently launched. Or I should say relaunched my one-on-one coaching. And I have an amazing coaching package now for people who want to dive in deeper. Now the places are limited because obviously my one-on-one takes more of my time than the group program, so I only have two spaces for that right now.

And if you are interested in finding out about that than book a call and we will chat. So I hope this has been helpful in helping you really get to. Why you might not be taking care of your health and wellness and how you can train your brain to really make sure you are taking care [00:24:00] of your health and wellness.

Have a lovely day.