Studio Chat
This is where conversations about self care and life happens, to help you to become an expert in your own life when it comes to self love and self care. To trust your gut and have your own back and to strengthen your mind/body connection."To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness".
Studio Chat
Trauma Informed Functional Health Coach | Melissa Armstrong
Ever wondered how trauma shapes our health and well being?
Today's episode comes with a trigger warning. My guest Melissa, bravely shares her story, touching on her experiences with drug abuse, physical and sexual abuse, a traumatic event at her school, and a witnessing deeply traumatic death. These topics are heavy and may be triggering for some listeners. We discuss these experiences to raise awareness and foster understanding. If you or anyone you know living in Australia needs to speak to someone, please reach out to Lifeline, a free, confidential phone, text or online service 13 11 14.
Join me as I sit down with Melissa Armstrong, a trauma informed functional health coach from Colorado. Melissa bravely recounts her journey from a traumatic childhood to becoming a beacon of hope and healing for women around the world. Learn how she transitioned from being a registered nurse to a holistic health coach with her own private practice, focusing on trauma recovery without the crutch of pills and procedures. Her story is one of resilience, transformation, and an unwavering dedication to guiding others on their paths to self discovery and healing.
We dive deep into self awareness and the importance of recognising and processing emotional triggers. We discuss how simple yet profound practices like journaling and meditation can lead to significant personal growth and long lasting mental and physical well being.
Empathy and kindness can be powerful tools for healing. Melissa shares a touching story about the power of forgiveness after a minor car accident, illustrating how small acts of compassion can make a big difference. Shifting gears, we explore the intricate connections between women’s menstrual cycles, emotional well-being, and physical health, advocating for a more holistic approach to wellness. By understanding our body's cycles and embracing self-awareness, we can begin to break free from limiting beliefs and conditioned narratives. This episode is a treasure trove of insights and practical advice for anyone on their healing journey, offering hope and inspiration for a healthier, more fulfilling life.
To contact Melissa:
www.holistichealthbymelissa.com
https://www.instagram.com/holistichealthbymelissa/
https://www.facebook.com/holistichealthbymelissa/
Welcome to the Studio Chat podcast, the podcast designed to be your companion in the journey of self-discovery. I'm Barbara Thompson, your host and a dedicated therapist. I'm the founder and owner of Self Care Studio, a private counseling practice With my clients and courses that I create. On this podcast, I'm committed to ensuring that you have the support that you need. I created this podcast as a space for you to feel a sense of connection and a reminder that you're not alone in this thing that we call life, this adventure. This podcast is your weekly reminder to trust yourself, live life authentically and embrace the path that is uniquely yours. Together, we'll explore ways to break free from people pleasing, overthinking, allowing you to claim your time and energy to live life on your terms. You'll be joined by myself as I take you through some episodes or, during the year, I'll have some special self-care experts as guests on my podcast. So, if you're ready to step into a life that's truly for you, join me on this journey. Let's navigate the twists and turns of life together and, more importantly, live your life for you. So thank you so much for choosing to spend some time with me today. Let the studio chat begin. Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the Studio Chat Podcast.
Speaker 1:I wanted to have a bit of a chat with you before we dive into this episode. Today we speak with Melissa, and she is a born healer and her journey began with experiencing significant trauma in her early life, both physically, emotionally. And over the past 20 years she's transitioned from being a registered nurse to a trauma-informed functional medicine coach and she's combined her nursing background with a deep understanding of the interconnectedness of her physical and emotional health and her own healing journey, and now she guides women on a path of self-discovery with true, long-lasting healing. Now today's episode does come with a trigger warning and my guest, melissa, really bravely shares her story. You know we're just briefly touching on her experiences and we mention drug and physical and sexual abuse, a traumatic event at her school with a shooting and a deeply impactful death. So these topics are heavy and may be triggering for some listeners. We discuss these experiences to raise awareness and foster understanding and I think it's really important that you know about this before we dive into this episode. And if you or anyone you know does want to speak to anyone, I'm going to give you a number and it's for anyone that lives in Australia and that number is lifeline, it's 13, 11, 14, it's 24 7. It's free, it's a confidential crisis support line and you can speak with someone, text them, or there's online chat service as well. Melissa's story is one of resilience and hope and I'm so honored that she chose my podcast to come on and share her story and her healing. She really creates a safe space for exploration, empathy and growth, helping women to navigate the complexities of life and their trauma, and she specializes in a holistic approach to conquer trauma, regulate the nervous system, balance hormones and foster the mind, body, spirit healing connection. So, without further ado, let's welcome Melissa to the show. Thank you for joining us, melissa. It was such an honor to chat to you today and thank you for being so open and vulnerable. So let's dive into this powerful conversation. Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Studio Chat Podcast.
Speaker 1:Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Studio Chat Podcast. I think today, if you would have clicked on the title, this is something that you know. Sometimes, when us humans have been through, we've all got a story, we've all had a childhood, and this particular woman is one of the most courageous, fascinating, brave, walk and lead by example people. I've just been talking to her now and hearing a bit about her story. You guys will want to hear about this and I believe there's no one better to help people heal if people have been through something themselves. So I want to welcome Melissa Armstrong. She's in Colorado and she is a trauma-informed functional health coach. She owns her own private practice and she helps other women to heal their trauma without pills and procedures. So I'd really love to welcome you, melissa, to my podcast.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Barbara. I'm so excited to be here and chat with you today.
Speaker 1:I'm really excited for people to hear your story, so I'm going to hand you the microphone right now and you want to share with us? Uh, it's funny because I'm in a big warm jumper today and it's morning here and you're in a singlet and it's you're all summery and bright and it's like six o'clock in the evening in Colorado. So I just wanted to paint the picture for people, because obviously this is just audio, that here I am in winter and it's so funny winter morning and you're on a summer's night. So, yeah, I'm gonna hand the microphone over to you. Please share with us, melissa, like your story?
Speaker 2:sure I would love to um, so I was. We were just talking and I was kind of telling you. I'll just kind of start at the beginning. I?
Speaker 2:Um grew up in a very chaotic, traumatic um abusive household. My parents were both drug addicts. My dad was very physically abusive toward my mom and my older brother, um, like it happened on the regular, where he would just beat my mom up like in the middle of the living room on a Tuesday just all the time. Um and they struggled, did the back and forth together, broken up, together, broken up kind of thing for many years. When I was very young and then finally divorced when I was six and my dad left forever and like never came back, my mom got clean and um tried I would say tried, but really couldn't at that time this is, you know, 35, almost years ago so didn't have a lot of trauma of her own that she hadn't dealt with from her own childhood and things that had happened with my dad and everything. It was very wounded herself and as a result, was very emotionally unavailable, disconnected from us kids, very verbally abusive, and that kind of continued through my whole childhood.
Speaker 2:When I was 11, I was molested by my friend's grandfather. And then when I was 15, I was present at a school shooting at my high school where the shooter was actually a friend of mine who was at my house the night before. I had no idea that it was going to happen. I was very shocked, obviously very traumatized, complex post-traumatic stress, saw lots of things that I wish I could unsee that day and really struggled with guilt after that because he was my friend and I felt like I should have known, although I couldn't have known, obviously, because he didn't tell me. And then when I was 18, my brother, who was five years older than me, was killed traumatically right in front of me. So I had all of those years, had so many mental health issues. You know from everything that I saw with my parents to my mom's emotional abuse and disconnection, to you know all of the big traumas that I experienced later and when I was 18, I was at an all-time low. My emotional, spiritual, mental health was at an all-time low. I tried multiple times to commit suicide. I was in and out of psychiatric inpatient stays. I was very, very unwell mentally and wanted the pain to end.
Speaker 2:I also kind of simultaneously I feel like going back and explaining my story. It's kind of interesting because I feel like I was almost kind of living this double life, where I felt really like depressed, like absolutely beyond depressed, like depressed doesn't even seem like it's an adequate word to describe how I felt. But I also felt this kind of like calling after my brother died that I was like, oh my gosh the nurses. He had a traumatic brain injury, so he um was riding a motorcycle and wasn't wearing a helmet and crashed the motorcycle and had a head injury. Um happened like right in front of our house. I was there with him, we were hanging out, um and there was a he was brain. He was declared brain dead. But the period, the, the process for organ donation is not a fast process. So he was in the hospital for like 48 hours on life support while they were doing all the testing and everything for um, uh, organ donation.
Speaker 2:And I pretty quickly, like right during that experience and immediately after it, was like I want to help people like that, because the nurses were absolutely angels on earth. They were so kind and so um generous with their time and tried to you know, particularly with me because I was 18 and really, really, really feeling like guilty that I didn't stop him and I was there and it was super traumatic. So they would, you know, ask me to hear, can you hold his hand while we're doing this or can you do this? And they just really tried to help me and and my family. So I wanted to do that.
Speaker 2:So I I pursued nursing while also dealing with my own really bad um, like dysfunction in my in my body and poor mental health. I started to have a lot of physical symptoms GI symptoms, skin issues, migraines. I wasn't sleeping, like at all. I had horrible panic to the point where I would be up for days at a time, like not on drugs, just up because I couldn't sleep, because I couldn't close my eyes. If I closed my eyes I had flashbacks and nightmares and just panic and panic attacks were frequent, regular occurrences.
Speaker 2:I was um pursuing my nursing education. I really don't know how I completed that. To be honest with you, like, thinking back, I don't know how I got through all of that because nursing school is not easy, it's very rigorous and I was simultaneously trying to get help as a patient in in that system, trying, you know, I've go to the doctor and received and he, you know, tell the doctor I'm depressed or anxious, or I can't sleep or whatever. And I, yeah, you're depressed, here's anti, you know antidepressants. Or yeah, you can't sleep, here's some sleeping pills.
Speaker 2:Or I had unbelievable fatigue because obviously I wasn't sleeping and I wasn't taking care of myself and all of those things. So I just felt like beyond fatigued. So they gave me Adderall, which is just like mind blowing to me when I think back of it, like this person who's like just in this chronic fight or flight and so unwell emotionally, and they gave me a stimulant, you know, um. So yeah, that's kind of how it all started and I dealt with those physical and emotional and mental symptoms really, really bad, until I was about 23, 24. And that's kind of when things shifted for me and I really started pursuing health on a different, on a different level.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to give that a moment because thank you for being so honest and vulnerable, for sharing your story, because this is how we help heal ourselves, but how we help other people to know that there's other people out there that have been what we've been through and, um, and I want to say I'm really sorry that as a kid, you had to witness things that a child should never have to witness, and especially with your friend at school and your brother. So, and then look what it shows what kind of human you are to go through all of that and to actually want to help people, because when you think about it, it makes no sense if anyone else had been through something like that. You can go. There's always two ways you can go. You could close yourself off and just be like I don't want to connect with anyone and I don't want to. So, um, it definitely shows your essence of how empathetic, that kind caring heart that is there, um, that shines through, and, I think the mind-body connection too.
Speaker 1:We're going to talk about that a bit later on, but I think that has a big, because what I'm hearing is that you said that you felt like you were in sometimes two different places and I feel like that was kind of your other side, wanting to connect with your body and wanting to okay, you know, almost like self-diagnosisagnosis isn't okay, how am I going to heal myself? I could feel that flip when you said you're in your early 20s of okay, now what am I going to do to help myself? So what was your first? Can you remember kind of like the first step of okay, being a nurse? Did you come across any natural medicine? Was there a moment that you were like, oh my gosh, I didn't know about this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was actually my now husband, then boyfriend. When I was about 23, 24, I had just become a nurse, I had crazy panic, like I couldn't even really go to work. I don't, I don't know how it was functioning in work Once I first started and I was working night shift and flipping back and forth from night shift to day shift. It was so my body was wrecked and I had horrible panic attacks. And it was in the midst of a panic attack One time that my husband my now husband and boyfriend said very lovingly but kind of like, told me like listen, like you're acting really crazy, like you need something to calm yourself down.
Speaker 2:You're just so like elevated all the time, and he's a construction guy, he's not a medicine guy, so he had no like idea. He was just like you just seem like you're always like up here and you just need to like bring yourself down a little bit. Like. If you could just be a little bit more grounded, I feel like you would feel better. Like, have you ever tried or thought of trying like meditation or something? And he's not like he didn't know what it was. He didn't, um, have any experience with it personally. He just suggested it and I said, no, I haven't. And I was, I was very averse to like his input. You know, like thinking like well, you're not a doctor and you don't know and like, but obviously, like I know that he, I knew at the time no, now, you know, like he loves me, like he obviously wants the best for me and so why don't I just try? And um, he sent me like a YouTube video and it was Deepak Chopra, who is a big like meditation guru. He's an Indian guy who does a lot of stuff on like meditation and spirituality and he used to run I don't know if he does anymore, but he used to do these things that he calls a 21 day free meditation challenge, which it's like 21 days you get a meditation like 20 minute meditation in your email inbox. It's it's a all like guided meditation. It's totally free. And it just so happened that he was starting one like either the next day, or maybe he had started like the day before. It only missed like one day or something. It was like right. Then it was like one was starting.
Speaker 2:I was like, well, I might as well like do this, you know. And so I just I don't know how or why, but I committed to to doing that and, um, that was kind of the first. That was the first step when I meditated. For the first time ever in my life, I felt calm and I had no idea that that was even possible. And so when I felt that I thought, holy crap, how, what is this? How come this is working? How, why is the doctor not telling me about this?
Speaker 2:And then I just started consuming as much of that kind of content as I could. I started researching, like, what is meditation? What are different types of meditation? Who is Deepak Chopra? Like, what are all these? You know, neuroplasticity, what is trauma? And how and how has what I've been through been affecting my mental health and my physical health? And back then I mean, this is like 20 years ago, you know, almost 20 years ago, 17, 18 years ago. So it was like not as kind of catch catchy as it is now. Tra trauma is kind of a catchy term now, but, um, it was definitely a lot more difficult to find information. But, yeah, I just started consuming a bunch of that information and then really started focusing on that and learning about, like, nervous system regulation and um, it kind of all evolved from there and it, it took, you know, and I learned about, like therapy and EMDR. Obviously I knew about therapy, but like I learned about EMDR and did EMDR and started actively pursuing healing, and, yeah, what did that look?
Speaker 1:like Actively pursuing healing. I think some people may not know what EDM are Like. Can you just share a little bit about that too, cause I think people be like that term but I don't know what it is.
Speaker 2:So EMDR is eye movement, desensitization and reprocessing, and it's really a tool that they use a lot in therapy to, like my therapist had there's lots of different ways to do it, like my therapist had there's lots of different ways to do it, but my therapist had like, uh, physical little um things that I would hold in my hand and like, while I was talking about certain topics, they would pulsate um in a certain pattern and it's about getting your, your brain to like reprogram the memory um by revisiting some of it, and it brings down the heightened sensitivity of the event and all of those emotions you're able to process through those emotions. So for me, like actively pursuing healing was like I would, I would, I started to think about what is triggering me, like all the time when I would go to work or I would have an interaction with a friend or something, if I felt myself getting tense, I started to be able to recognize that sensation in my body and then ask myself, from a place of curiosity, not judgment, like why is that there? Why am I feeling tense, like? And then I started like describing that to myself like, okay, I feel tension, like, where do I feel tension? Okay, I feel tension in my neck. Okay, can I relax that? And then it's like okay, I can relax that, Like, why do I feel this tension, what is like? And then I would think back like, okay, I can relax that, like, why do I feel this tension, what is like?
Speaker 2:And then I would think back like, oh, they said something about this which made me think about this, which made me remember something from my childhood which makes me feel, you know, or you know, they said something that made me feel like they thought I was stupid. So then I'm all of a sudden telling myself, like, well, they think you're stupid, you know. And then I'm like all of a sudden in that like negative self-talk where I'm like, yeah, you're definitely stupid. You should totally like jump off a bridge right now, like, or something you know, just be really, really, really mean to myself. And then I'd be like, okay, that's totally not true, like.
Speaker 2:And once you recognize those thoughts, I feel like that's where you have the agency to change them. So I started like really paying attention to how I was feeling, what I was saying to myself. I started journaling, I started actively pursuing EMDR, I started meditating every day, I started paying attention to the food that I was putting into my body and paying attention to how to how that food was making me feel and I mean and this is over like multiple years, you know, this isn't like a one day I was like, yeah, things are better you know like it was.
Speaker 2:It was over multiple years. I just learned it was. It was literally baby steps. It was one baby step at a time yeah, can I ask, though?
Speaker 1:I think a lot of people if they haven't found the right therapist for them or, uh, they haven't been because they didn't. I think there needs to be a part of us, when we want to heal, that we need to lean into being uncomfortable and go, oh, this is not going to be nice, but I want to do it. And I think a lot of people can't even get to that stage where they're like, okay, let's go and be consistent with it. Some people will dip their toe in and then go. So when you described just your thought process of, okay, I've got this thought, oh, I'm going to be curious. I'm not going to judge myself. Where does that thought come from?
Speaker 1:I honestly think there's so many people out there that are, and it makes sense, and I really get it too afraid to even take that step because they're scared that, oh my gosh, if I think like this and I have this bad thought or I have this horrible thought about myself, it's going to open up this thing that I'm never going to be able to go back. Yeah, what can you say to someone? Because you've? You've walked through it and done it from your perspective. What? What made you not. I know there would have been fear, I'm sure, but what made you keep going, what made you feel the uncomfortable feeling and be okay with it?
Speaker 2:yeah, that is such a good question. I would say, like the growth doesn't happen in a place of comfort, Growth only happens from a place of discomfort, and I think that there was something so deep inside of me that was just burning for like a sense of peace and, and for me the pain of staying the same was greater than the pain of addressing those issues head on. And I will say that, like you can go into it and you with if you, if you can go into it with no expectations, or like the only expectation is like this is a lifelong journey, Like I'm here to say I've been on this journey for 21 years and like I'm still on the journey and there's never a time when it's done. So like the only expectation is like this shit doesn't stop. No, you can say that because it's true.
Speaker 1:I'm the same too. Yeah, I'm still on that healing journey and people go when does it end? And it's kind of like you just don't forever. There's always another layer. There's always another layer.
Speaker 2:But like the pain, yeah, and the pain of staying the same, though it just like has to be greater than the pain of the change, because it's not easy and it is super uncomfortable and painful to relive those things it a hundred percent is. But like, when you do, like life can be so beautiful and when you get over those, like when you get through those things, you process those emotions and you learn to be really self-aware, like painfully self-aware it's things can be so beautiful and then that you open up there, it just gives you so much freedom and you're not tied to those things. Life is so much more beautiful.
Speaker 1:Do you think, in having this knowledge now about yourself, that you really understand how you think, how you operate? Do you think that's the beauty in life that you understand yourself?
Speaker 2:Definitely is some of the beauty in life. I think I can. I understand myself on such a deeper level than I ever have before, and then I also understand other people a lot better too, and I feel like I have so much empathy. I'm an empath, I was born to be a healer and I just feel people's emotions so intensely, but like I can recognize trauma and people before they even know it's there themselves and I am able to give people a lot of grace and empathy. I feel like sometimes that they can't give themselves and I feel like I can often, um, be like a glimmer of hope for people and like even people I don't know.
Speaker 2:You know, like I had this really bizarre situation happen a few months back where, like this woman backed into me in a parking lot and like kind of messed up my bumper it was like nothing crazy, but it was clearly her fault and I like got out of the car and she just like starts like waving her hands and like freaking out. I was like, is this starts like waving her hands and like freaking out? I was like, is this been such a terrible day? And blah, blah, blah and like just, and I was like, oh my gosh, like this.
Speaker 2:I instantly was like this woman has something crazy going on inside of her right now. And she just literally like this is just the straw that broke the camel's back. And I literally just put my hand on her shoulder and I was like listen. And I literally just put my hand on her shoulder and I was like listen, I forgive you, it's okay, it was an accident and we all make mistakes, we all accidents happen and I forgive you. Can I pray for you? And she just started bawling. And I don't know that woman.
Speaker 1:I've never met her before, I've never spoken to her since, but I feel like that was just like kind of an like a handout when she, like, was drowning you know, and I and I feel like, if we could like just it just spreads kindness and love and yeah, you didn't meet her on her level, you just, yeah, you could recognize for what she was going through. Cause, a lot of us, when someone reacts to us, we take it, but people only projecting their stuff onto us. A lot of the time that lady, that person, looked funny at me and you think, oh, my God, do I have something on my face Like what's that? So we instantly look at someone and think, why have they got a problem with us? That person could be doing a mental tally of all the things I've got to do today and then they think, oh god, I've got to go to my grandma's house and I don't like grandma and but they're looking in your direction giving you the shit face. But you're instantly why has that person got a problem with me? And it really has nothing to do. It has not most of the time, it really has nothing to do with us. Yeah, that was a good example that you gave us, because that's, yeah, very true.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, I think a lot of people can relate when people hear the work or people know, okay, I've been through this, I want to heal, and they dip their toe in whatever modality it is maybe, you know, looking at using essential oils or eating like eating.
Speaker 1:I can't eat better food.
Speaker 1:I'm going to move my body and now there's oh, it's great that the awareness is out there, but I feel like it's almost flipped to the other side, where, if you have a perfect morning routine, you have your green juice and you do yoga or pilates and you fast and you do all this stuff. Everyone's doing all these things that they should be doing, but they're not listening to their bodies because we're all individuals. So I feel like it's great that mental health like you said, meditation now people are more aware of it. But now I feel like there's all this knowledge out there and then people go oh, my gosh, I have to do all the things and at the same time, not all the things are good for all of us and right moment in time maybe in 10 years time, but right now. So people are trying to overload themselves with all this. Oh, if I have no chemicals in my diet and I'm so like tox-free and I'm all this, but they're so highly stressed yeah yeah, like um, I love how you said you know you're real.
Speaker 1:You said it's baby steps. It is, you know. There's nothing sexy about this. It takes time and it's a lot. It's the end game. It's a long, long journey.
Speaker 2:It's not to scare anyone, but that's the truth yeah, and to anybody who's like overwhelmed, because I totally agree with you, I think it's like completely flipped to the other side and now we're like information overload and you're like, oh, I should be doing this, and on Tik TOK it says I should do this.
Speaker 2:And then you know, like I think like, choose one thing, just one, and stick with that for 30 days, and if it doesn't help, you forget it and try something different. But like, don't try to do everything and just try to be like a little bit better than you were yesterday. You know it, people, that's what I do with my clients. Like what did you do yesterday that you regret and then don't do that today. So if yesterday you, you know, like you keep telling yourself you want to eat healthy or you want to exercise, or you want to meditate or whatever it is, or you don't want to snap at your kids or something like, today don't snap at your kids. Make sure like write it down, put something on your on paper and just only just focus on that. And then try that for 30 days and get really freaking good at that.
Speaker 1:Yes, before you bring something else. Yeah, too many things. And because you're a trauma informed functional health coach, what does it look like when someone comes to you in your private practice? Like obviously it means that they've been through something or they've experienced something and they're like, okay, I want to heal myself, I might have gut issues, like you said, skin issues, I might have anxiety, panic attacks, feel depressed, all of the above, or I just don't know who I am anymore. Or like, what would it look like when people come to you?
Speaker 2:All of those things. I hear like all of those things. And I feel like I hear a lot from um women who have, who have little kids, or not even little kids, but have children. So I work with a lot of mothers who have various physical symptoms because of the mind body connection and unhealed trauma stays stored in our body and can really disrupt the balance in multiple different systems and then you wind up with physical symptoms when your allostatic load gets too high and your body can't compensate anymore. Um, sometimes they have emotional or wound or emotional manifestations or like mood disorders. Sometimes they come to me with this like I just literally don't know who I am anymore. All I do is laundry and wipe butts, like that's all I do. And that's so real and raw.
Speaker 2:And and now, and I've had people come and say like I have this perfect wife, I have this great husband, I have beautiful kids, I stay at home with the kids and like I am so unhappy and I have no idea why.
Speaker 2:And that's where we start, we start with um really just like start talking about like their desires and like, uh, I, I I'm a trauma informed because I use somatic um release and I use a lot of um, like I use a lot of breath work, meditation, tapping, journaling, like things to get the emotion out and and different, um, different in some ways than like counseling, because we don't necessarily even need to know or talk about the trauma. We just need to process that energy out of the body and then figure out, like how to move forward. So like really focusing on like what do you want? What do you want with your life? Like what is your ideal life? Like if you, you, you know, and then let's create that, let's work to get you, let's make a roadmap and get you there. Um, yeah, some of it yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1:So the somatic release means obviously there's it's on an energetic level that people need to release their energy through tapping, through movement. Um, I think obviously I'm a therapist, but I don't work like other therapists. I'm a bit different. I do some of those things that you've said and also in therapy I really work with the person that's in front of me, because I do have some clients that they actually just need to talk and they they actually, if I said to them let's do tapping, whatever they'd be like, actually they're really in it and they're really happy to talk and they, you know, really enjoy, they love it. It's like a certain type of personnel. And then I've got other people that we just don't talk about it but we talk about other things that they want. That guides me through that to where they want to go. So, yeah, I really hear what you're saying and I think it's important. Some people will oh well, she just said therapy's not good, so I won't do it, and it's like no, no, no, that's not at all what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:No, no.
Speaker 1:And I know that you're not, but people are looking for the shortcut and when there's people out there that really need help, I wanted to hear them that it may just not be for you, but also acknowledge that if people have that roadblock that I'm not going to therapy, I don't want to talk to anyone Hearing you. They're like, oh cool, I don't want to talk to anyone hearing you. They're like, oh cool, I don't have to like. And that's the beauty when you find your person. Yeah, people are drawn to us for a reason. There's a reason why you and I are talking on this podcast today. Like you meet people, I really believe for a reason, and I think that it's important to talk about all sides, because I'm very aware that what I do is not for everyone. But then there's some people that do need to look at the holistic side and there's some people that are just so closed off that even if they just hear something you have said or I have said, it may spark interest. It may be like, oh, maybe I give this meditation thing a go, or maybe you know, oh okay, now someone's normalizing that doesn't take two seconds. Well, here's a couple of ladies that are talking about like trauma stuff that you think, wow, that's happened to some people. Like you know, a lot of people can just hear that on the news or someone writes a book, but listening to this podcast, they're actually meeting you, melissa, and they're hearing your story and they can see how you've worked through this and now you're teaching others to heal.
Speaker 1:I want to just ask you about these physical symptoms, because a lot of people carry these and don't realize that they've got them because they've had them their whole life. Or some people don't realize, oh, that's not normal. So I'll give you an example that I notice. Well, two examples, and you can what, uh, one's to do with pooping and one's to do with, uh, their cycle. So the first thing is there's a lot of people that I deal with that, um, talk about stomach. You know stomach and the brain and emotions, it's very connected. And when they talk about how their tummy's feeling, but like, when was the last time you had a really good poo?
Speaker 1:and I have to explain the different types of poo and they're like either I don't poo for days, yeah, or I have diarrhea all the time, like it's really like. Oh no, I have to think about it, oh, I don't know. Oh, I think I went to the toilet, oh I don't know. So they're so distant there's no judgment here but there's so much distance because we poo and pee like it's just a normal thing. We brush our teeth, we go to the toilet. We don't really pay attention. So that's one example of like physical symptoms. And then the other one I feel like is the whole and this is quite recent for me too is understanding the different cycles within the cycle, and I use that now when I'm working particularly with women in a session. Most of the time I can pick it up in their language, in their body language, but I'll be like are you like two or three days off your period? And they're like how do you know? Or I'll be like have you just had it? And they're like, yeah, you know. Or I'll be like have you just had it? And they're like, yeah, or I'm waiting, or or I feel, and they're like beaming, and I'm like, oh, you're about on day 13 or day 14. They're like how do you know? You're freaking me out, barbs, and it's like, no, because I understand the cycle, but I educating and letting people know, can you track it? Can you always write down when you get it? Can you start writing down your symptoms? Because a lot of the time the mental symptoms we have is really in conjunction with our 28 day cycle. So I'm just going to share a bit of me because I want to normalize. This is uh, I'm, I'm due any day. And the last couple of days, because every month goes around, you think, oh, I'm, I'm okay, but lately I've just been so tired. The last couple days I'm like, wow, I'm, oh, I'm okay, but lately I've just been so tired. So the last couple of days I'm like, wow, I'm feeling flat, I'm tired, I very get really any. I don't get pain anymore, I don't get anything like that. But I've just noticed my energy levels. I'm like this is so normal. You know, this is so normal to feel so depleted, you know, and that's a normal thing. Feel so depleted, you know, and that's, that's a normal thing. But my brain is trying to go.
Speaker 1:But you're a business owner. Come on, barbs, you got these deadlines and every month I have to have a bit of a conversation with myself okay, barbara, you sit over here, shut up, and in a couple of days time you'll be fine and you're you've got. You've got two weeks of productivity coming up so you can smash yourself. But you can't do it now. But even I have the awareness and I just want to say to people I still find myself going stop being lazy, just ignore it, just push through. Even today I was like come on, mate, you know better than anyone that I'm so exhausted today. It's okay, I'm going to own it. I'll still be fully present with my clients today, but I'll just give myself a bit of a. You know what? It's okay. It's okay that you feel tired. Just take care of yourself, give yourself some extra love.
Speaker 2:I love that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that was kind of the physical symptom, the pooping and the cycle side. So what do you?
Speaker 2:see so much of the same thing and I love that you said all of that because I think it's just like normalizing that conversation and bringing that to people's attention. Like, particularly with women with their cycle, like recognizing that and being able to tie their, their emotional and mental symptoms to their physical cycle is hugely empowering to people. But then also with the bowel movement thing, like and recognizing like it's not normal if you're having those two, like what you just described, like going every all the time diarrhea, or like not going for several days, like that's so much of that I see with like I mean dare I say, all, like probably not all, but like so many of my trauma clients have symptoms regarding like some GI symptoms. And that's because our gut is so important in in our overall health. It controls, like over almost 90% of our immune system, all of our neurotransmitters that help manage our mood. Um, you know so integral it pro, you know, digests all of our food. It's responsible for all of the nutrition that you're getting. Like it's so important.
Speaker 2:And when you have that trauma you have it stored in your body. So many people store it in our abdomen. It's going to affect, cause massive inflammation in your body. It causes inflammation in your gut and then you have all kinds of symptoms Some and everybody's different, right, some people have constipation, diarrhea, like it just really depends and like dealing with that trauma and simultaneously addressing the physical symptoms that the trauma has caused, like the imbalances within the gut, the imbalances within the um uh, like hormone the hormones are different, because a little bit different than gut, because hormone dysregulation and like imbalances is never the primary cause, that's like a secondary cause. It's usually the gut. It usually starts with the gut, even if you don't have gut symptoms.
Speaker 1:Oh, I think anyone that I think most of us. You know you think about it when we say I feel funny in the tummy. So it can mean, um again, this is only recent that I've discovered that funny in the tummy. But you know, when you meet someone and you get butterflies, it's like that's your body warning you that that's not good. So I wish someone told me that I don't know, I probably wouldn't have listened to them anyway, but that was the recent thing that when you get butterflies in your tummy, actually it's not a Disney moment, it's actually something not good. But how many times do you say, oh, I felt something in my gut or I had a gut feeling. And then, if you think about, if someone's constipated or backed up, what are you doing? You're holding onto your stuff. So your poo's like I can't let go because you're holding onto me, like literally you're holding onto. I don't mean this, but you're holding onto shit.
Speaker 2:You're holding onto all that, literally and figuratively.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then you're full of shit. And when you're full of shit, you don't't feel good, do you? Um, and it's so important. And even I say to people, how many wipes do you do? And they look at me like okay, this is gross. I've come to you for therapy and you're talking to me about periods and poo. I'm like yep, and I'm like like just how many?
Speaker 1:If you go to the toilet, do you wipe two or three times? And you're done, and they're like you know how often do you do a ghost poo? And they're like hardly ever. And I'm like if you do a ghost poo or you wipe two or three times, your gut's good. But if you have to wipe and want and wipe, and I'm like do you like look at your poo? And do you look? And they're like barbara, I'm not having this conversation with you like, but we need to look, we need to know our bodies, we need to look oh, okay, that's, I mean, that could be purple, for you know, if you don't actually wipe and look, how do you know the consistence? And I know it's, I look, I know it's gross but, if you get to know yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what's coming out is giving you a, a bit of a um, what would I say? Like a tally, like you know, when you get your receipt, when you go to the, the shops you purpose.
Speaker 2:Here's all the contents yeah, because that's how we detox and that's giving you and, like all symptoms, I believe that all symptoms in the body are information from the body about about how's balancing, because I believe that we're inherently designed to heal. So if you're having symptoms like think about it when you cut your hand, like you never think about healing your hand if you cut it, or like your arm or something, like you don't think about it, it just heals. The rest of your body is no different. But sometimes you're like have so much inflammation and imbalance within the body that it's disrupting all the systems that are in place.
Speaker 1:It's actually a really good point when you think about people. Have you stubbed your toe on the furniture? Or you've walked? I mean, the other day I walked like I don't know about you. But sometimes you just have days where, like I literally like will walk into the side of the, and it's always in those days when you're a bit short with yourself and you're doing something, like my jumper gets caught on the door handle, or like I walk into something and it's like, ow, okay, that hurts when you bang your head.
Speaker 1:But you are right, if you get a cut, you don't, it heals. If you get a bruise, it heals. So that's such a good way of people to look at it. So we need to. Our body can heal and rather than giving us stuff to mask it, to give us the power within ourselves to be like hang on, I know myself better than anyone. Let me just get a. Let me just see where I'm at first, what's happening? What skin issues? How are my thoughts? You know, what does my tongue look like? What do my eyes look like? Just some natural stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and there's so many like natural, easy things that you can do to like help restore balance in all of those systems, depending on what they are Like. If you're constipated, like try some magnesium. Like you don't need to go to the store and get Miralax or Colace or something like I don't know what they have, what they have across the pond with you, but like, um, that's what we have here, like Miralax. If you're constipated and you go to the doctor, they'll. They're like, oh, take some Miralax. It's like full of chemicals and all that. Why not just take like plain magnesium? Just like plain magnesium. It's a natural element. It's responsible for so many natural processes in the body. It's just magnesium and it's going to help you poop and it's going to help you sleep and it's going to help you with stress.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have heard somewhere too I think I might have read it on a packet or a box once that if you put too much epsom salts in your bath it can give you, give you the shits. And I was like actually that might be pretty good, just have an epsom salt bath, but just put heat.
Speaker 1:Epsom salt is magnesium yeah, yeah, yeah, give me the poops as well yeah yeah, see, and sometimes I find pooping as, oh my god, we're talking about poops, let's just roll with it, okay, but I feel like it's like sleep. Can anyone like you think about it? You're a mum, you know so, um, I'm not a mum, but I can really understand that I'm someone, that I need a lot of sleep. And how many times in our lives do we say, oh my God, I'm so tired, I've had no sleep this week and my sleep's been shit and blah, blah, blah. But if you were to stop and think it was only last night that you only got three hours, but actually all the other times before you might have got six, five, eight, seven, four, five. So when you do the total through the week, you're pretty good, you're right.
Speaker 1:But we focus on this narrative of I'm so stressed out, oh, my god, I'm just not getting any sleep. I'm not getting any sleep, I'm not getting any sleep. So then there's going to be nights. I can guarantee, further down the track you're going to be lying awake. I'm not getting any sleep. I'm not getting because you've just told yourself I'm not getting any sleep. Yes, and it's the same with poo. Yes, you can go. Oh no, I haven't done it.
Speaker 1:But if you were to like, do a little journal or I don't know a little tally, like just date it and put a little poo emoji every time you do it, you can be like I haven't put hang on, okay, oh my god, I have. Because we're so on autopilot so all the words that come out of our mouth are so conditioned and are so, um, automatic that if we don't stop and just be aware and take a moment to, okay, I'm just going to write down what time I get up every morning and what time I get to sleep, and I'm just going to do that for a week and just be aware, okay, well, I'm going to call myself out, you know, because we have that. We always go oh my God, I'm so stressed, I'm so tired. Hang on, am I? Or is that just something I've been saying for 20 years? Because that's how I know how to start a conversation when I feel uncomfortable at school. Pickup, pick up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that I totally agree. I totally agree and our thoughts are so and, like, what we speak out into the world is so important and I think being aware of that is a huge thing. But so many people go day to day and they don't want to like take the time to write down when they're waking up and when they're going to sleep every night because, like it's work and like I think some people just don't really want to know the answer and it's easier to stay stuck and stay unwell and stay in that dysfunction because it doesn't take any effort. You've already been there. Like you know what's. It's predictable, you know and it's safe.
Speaker 1:Remember when we have to learn to get uncomfortable people go. It doesn't make sense. I'm drinking two bottles of wine every night. I know it's not good, I want to change. It's like no, no, you're actually comfortable there and that makes sense. It actually makes sense that you're sabotaging because it's all deeper layers.
Speaker 1:The reason why you think you do something I can guarantee is not the reason why you think you do something I can guarantee is not the reason why you do it, and I don't know if that is cryptic and crypt was the word cryptic yeah, for someone to get. But I can honestly say that through my own experience and through everyone that I see. I'm interested to see what you think of this, melissa, too. If you think about what you're doing and why you're doing it, the habits that you possibly we've all got them. None of us are perfect, but if you've got a habit that you do and you think, oh, I think I know why I do it, it's deeper, because once we get a deeper level and we know why, it's like oh, wow, okay, and it takes time to get down to that level to understand, and you have to keep asking yourself why, yeah, why I'm doing that, why and if you think aha, then yeah, you're, you're probably, it's probably too soon.
Speaker 2:You've got to ask yourself why, like three to five more times to actually get to that level yeah, that's right, and I feel like I'm repetitive so much when I say this.
Speaker 1:But even now I'm learning stuff about my me and my childhood and there's things that I can't remember for, obviously, probably a pretty good reason. But within that, um, a lot of how we operate, what we think and what we do is from that first seven years of our life, and that's still, like you know, I'm a couple of years older than you, but I feel like you, you know, continue to keep doing this because it makes me a better person, like better for me, but also better to serve and help my clients through stuff as well. And I'm always learning. Like you said, there's always stuff to learn.
Speaker 1:But that's interesting, the amount of stuff I think, oh, wow, I can't believe that that's connected to that time when I was three or that time when this happened. It's just so, you know, I don't want to scare anyone out there, but it's, and it makes sense because our brain is so open and it's like a sponge and it's wanting to learn and we don't. We're all doing the best that we can, but that's what is my take home piece every day. I'm like wow.
Speaker 2:But the part about that that's so beautiful is that when you recognize that you can actually go back and give your three-year-old self what you needed, like to help change, you have agency over that you can, if you, if it was love or safety or affirmation or whatever it was that you, that you didn't get, or or you can challenge those um, like limiting beliefs, or, you know, if you were instilled with like you weren't good enough, or you're not worthy, or you're unlovable or whatever it was.
Speaker 2:You can go back and give yourself those things, your younger self, those things, so that you can change them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's, that's so nice. Um, is there anything else before we wrap up? And um, is there anything else that you feel like you want to share today with anyone listening to this about trauma recovery, mind, body connection, semantic release. Is there anything else you want to share?
Speaker 2:I always my, my last little thing that I always say to people is just, I know my story is really like intense and um traumatic, but I really want people to take away what, what it really is, and that's a story of hope. I want people to feel empowered and hopeful that healing is always possible. You can, no matter what the diagnosis, no matter what the doctor says, no matter what you've been through I don't care any of that information healing is always possible and what a best way to learn from someone like yourself that has walked the walk.
Speaker 1:And was it saying walk?
Speaker 2:walk the walk, talk the talk help me out there.
Speaker 1:I think that's what I was saying. Um, so I know you're in Colorado, I'm in Australia, but, um, the fact that we can just jump on like this means that we can all work together, which I think is such a cool thing these days and opens us up to so many more people, because we can connect with people. Yeah, it's just, it's such a neat thing to do. So if someone's listening to this and they really connect with you, they want to find out a bit more about you, about trauma recovery, the mind body connection. Where can they find you?
Speaker 2:My website is holistichealthbymelissacom. And then I'm on all social media platforms at holistic health by Melissa. I'm most on Instagram and Facebook, but you can find me anywhere. You can send me a message or fill out my little form on my website.
Speaker 1:Perfect. I'll put all those in the show notes too. Thank you, on a summer's evening, for having a chat with me, melissa. It's been such an honor and a pleasure to speak with you today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was really, really amazing. I loved it. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. I hope this conversation has added value to your self-care journey and inspired positive changes in your life. If you enjoyed this episode, consider sharing it with a friend who might benefit from this episode. Don't forget to subscribe on Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform to stay up to date on future episodes. Your support means the world to me. I genuinely love hearing from you, so please take a moment to leave a review. Let me know which part of today's episode resonated with you the most. Your feedback guides the direction of this podcast and I really appreciate each and every single one of you for being a part of this community.
Speaker 1:To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness. To find out a bit more about the Studio Chat podcast, head over to my Instagram page, studio Chat Podcast. Or if you want to find out a bit more about my counselling private practice, head over to Instagram on self underscore care underscore studio. Or head over to my website, selfcarebybarbara thompsoncomau. I'm really looking forward to seeing you on the next episode. Until next time, take care of yourselves and keep embracing the journey of self-discovery.
