Studio Chat
This is where conversations about self care and life happens, to help you to become an expert in your own life when it comes to self love and self care. To trust your gut and have your own back and to strengthen your mind/body connection."To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness".
Studio Chat
Gentle Parenting & Stress Relief for Mums with Miranda Hodge
What if you could transform your family's atmosphere with just a few simple shifts in your parenting approach? Join me, Barbara Thompson, as I chat with holistic life coach Miranda Hodge about her inspiring journey from struggling with yelling to embracing gentle parenting. Miranda shares her personal story of overcoming parenting challenges, illustrating how a compassionate approach can create a nurturing and connected environment for your children. This episode is packed with Miranda's valuable insights and practical advice for mothers seeking to foster harmony amid the demands of modern life.
We also tackle the overwhelming pressures parents face today, from financial stress to managing a household with dietary restrictions. Together, we offer actionable strategies to handle these daily frustrations, like the infamous "bump in the sock" scenario. By understanding the root causes of stress and employing emotional regulation techniques, we can navigate these challenges more effectively. Miranda and I emphasize the importance of self-compassion and intuition, reminding parents that our childhood experiences shape our parenting styles and that it's essential to give ourselves grace in this ongoing journey.
Emotional regulation and parental modeling are crucial topics we explore, teaching children empathy, and how to express their feelings without causing harm. Miranda and I discuss normalizing emotions and demonstrating healthy emotional regulation to create a safe and supportive environment for our kids. We also highlight the importance of self-care and authenticity in motherhood, sharing strategies to manage overwhelm and find a supportive community. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of navigating parenting with compassion, connection, and self-awareness, and discover the transformative power of gentle parenting.
@peacefullivingwithmiranda
Welcome to the Studio Chat podcast, the podcast designed to be your companion in the journey of self-discovery. I'm Barbara Thompson, your host and a dedicated therapist. I'm the founder and owner of Self Care Studio, a private counseling practice With my clients and courses that I create. On this podcast, I'm committed to ensuring that you have the support that you need. I created this podcast as a space for you to feel a sense of connection and a reminder that you're not alone in this thing that we call life, this adventure. This podcast is your weekly reminder to trust yourself, live life authentically and embrace the path that is uniquely yours. Together, we'll explore ways to break free from people pleasing, overthinking, allowing you to claim your time. You'll be joined by myself as I take you through some episodes or, during the year, I'll have some special self-care experts as guests on my podcast. So, if you're ready to step into a life that's truly for you, join me on this journey. Let's navigate the twists and turns of life together and, more importantly, live your life for you. Join me on this journey. Let's navigate the twists and turns of life together and, more importantly, live your life for you. So thank you so much for choosing to spend some time with me today. Let the studio chat begin.
Speaker 1:Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of the studio chat podcast. My name is Barbara Thompson, I'm the host and, as I always say, it's so nice to have you here. I know there are a lot of podcasts out there and I'm just honestly so grateful. Thank you for tuning in today, and I have noticed that there have been a few reviews lately and you can review the podcast on Spotify or Apple podcast and it just really helps people to work out whether this is a podcast for them. So thank you so much for all your love and support.
Speaker 1:And today I'm in Victoria in Australia. Now I do want to say that it's very windy and stormy where I am, so hopefully our connection will be okay today and I'm speaking with Miranda Hodge, my special guest today. She's a holistic life coach for women and she really helps mums to help them feel to be the mum that they want to be. She also helps women with stress relief, parenting and just general well-being. She's a mum, a teacher, a parent coach, a speaker, a YouTuber, the host of the Mum Wellbeing Podcast and her YouTube channel, peaceful Living with Miranda. Welcome to the show, miranda. It's so nice to have you here.
Speaker 1:Oh, thanks, barb, Thank you so much for inviting me on the show. I'm really glad that we've connected, obviously because we're in Australia, but also our two worlds kind of mesh together and I really love people in this space that help parents, and especially mums, because'm a mother to to a cat and a dog, but I'm not a mother to little. You know human, human beings, and it's a different mothering. So I'm so grateful that you're here today to really share with the mums that listen to my podcast to give them, to normalize things, to talk about things, and really I'm really big on my podcast to give people. You know, sometimes people listen to a podcast because they can't afford therapy, or sometimes people listen to a podcast because they're trying to find their people or they're wanting to learn things. So I'd love to yeah, for us to kind of dive in and talk about.
Speaker 1:When I looked through your page and your website and watched a few of your videos, it was kind of an overarching theme that I found with you, miranda, and it was all to do with gentle parenting and I was like that sounds nice, it does, it sounds so lovely. It sounds almost like meditation, relaxation. Let's do some gentle parenting now. Take a few deep breaths. That is not what it's like. Yeah, yeah, and I know I'm on the other side. I have, obviously, neighbors, friends, family yes, clients that are all mothers, and I have kids of all different ages. Just because a kid turns 18 or 21 or 25 doesn't mean that you stop parenting. No, you're so right. So tell us in a little bit about you know, a little bit about what you do and a bit about this gentle parenting concept.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure, I'd love to so again. Thanks, heaps, for having me on the podcast. I'm really excited to be here today and chatting with you as well. I'm making lots of friends. This is fantastic. Um so gentle parenting. So I need to share a little bit about my own story when it comes to that. So, basically, my eldest child was two and I've shared this a lot.
Speaker 2:All of my followers will have heard this story, but, um, when my eldest child was two, I suddenly realised that I was yelling at her and she was yelling at me and nothing else was happening. And so what I wanted to happen in our house the space, the atmosphere, the behaviour that I wanted to happen in our house wasn't actually happening. And my daughter was only two, and so obviously two is quite young, but at the time I was like, oh, what's going to happen? She's going to be a terrible adult. You know, she'll be spoiled and all this stuff. I was really stressed about it, but it sort of set me off on this journey of going okay, why am I yelling at my child? Why is she yelling back at me also? Um, and what actually is happening?
Speaker 2:How can I be a loving, connected parent but still get my kid to do what I need them to do, because that's that's actually really really hard and it's one of the things that I hear a lot from parents and see a lot. If you're ever on a Facebook group with parents in it, there's always like I can't get the kids to do what I want them to do. A kid won't listen and there's not that connection either a lot of the time. So, yeah, so I suppose gentle parenting was that's one thing that I'm really passionate about when it comes to that connection.
Speaker 2:But also I'm also passionate about the fact that gentle parenting does not mean permissive parenting, where you just let your kid do whatever they want, have whatever emotions they want and just float through life getting whatever they want. That is definitely not gentle parenting, because me, that's just gentle, that's not actually parenting. You have to do both. So, yeah, for me, gentle parenting is all about that connection and building respect between you and your child, so not not being overbearing, but also they have to have, like learn, respect for authority and all that sort of thing as well. So it can be really hard juggle, yeah yeah, what was it in you?
Speaker 1:I'm curious to know because a lot of people out there, we're all children. We've all. We all have parents and we're all being children at one point. Yes, my parents always yelled at me. I've always yelled at them. I think a lot of people listening to this, either in their own childhood or, yeah, you know, I yell at my cat like we all do it. We're all human beings, so you all have yeah, that's right, exactly, we all get to our point. We all yell. I want to normalize that. But what was in you that was like, when you're doing it, that to your two-year-old, and something in you was like, oh, okay, um, why is this happening? Can you remember that moment? Because for a lot of people, we don't have that because it's normal and we kind of go to that place where we yell and then we kind of go back to normal and that's kind of the cycle pattern. So what was it in you that was like huh, okay, I maybe don't want to do this, maybe, what else can I do? Or why am I doing this?
Speaker 2:yeah, I think we had. So the way I was brought up, like, yes, yes, there was some yelling, but there was basically an understanding that you did what your parents said. Right, when you're growing up, you do what your parents said. And I had quite strict parents good parents, but really strict and so for me it was part of going how am I going to get my kid to do what they're supposed to be doing? And also I'm a teacher right as well. So I've dealt with lots of angry kids.
Speaker 2:But when you are, when you're a parent, you have all the power of your child, especially when they're that small. So we could have, you know, we can make her do whatever, but when you're, when I'm a teacher, like when I'm teaching, I can't do that. You can't. You know you can't use every power at your disposal to make a child do something in a classroom, because they're obviously laws, you know. You know they're not meant to touch them and all this other stuff. Anyway, not that I'm going around touching it, but do you know what I mean? Like there is, there's so much more that you can do as a parent, but I didn't want to use those strategies and I suddenly went I'm a teacher and I've got all these strategies where I deal with, you know, children with all of these different things going on, but I'm not transferring that to my relationship with my own child, so it really made me go.
Speaker 2:I'm known for being patient, calm, listening to kids, giving them space for their emotions, giving them, you know, kinesthetic things to play with and feel, and dealing with kids with ADHD and not and you know neurodivergency all over the place and kids with trauma and all of this stuff, and my two-year-old's yelling at me and I'm yelling at her and we're not actually moving this forward. So I think it was just a really glaringly obvious situation that I was like I can do this but I can't do with my own child. What is wrong? Like there was a really obvious. It was just a glaring difference, I suppose, from how I was used to dealing with children and then going my child's going to end up being one of those kids that the teachers all went, oh my gosh, when they get to school, because they don't listen. You know, it was just really obvious to me, I think, and there was. There was like everyone, I suppose or I don't know, maybe not there was this difference between how my parents parented, which was good and fine and great.
Speaker 2:But we're in a total different century, like we're 30 years later, yeah, and a lot of the stuff that was normal back then is not normal and you've got a lot of different peer pressure about the kids and for the adults, like there's so much pressure on mums it is ridiculous how much pressure like I can't even explain how much pressure there is on on mothers in particular at the moment.
Speaker 2:So for me I had to find a new way so I would talk to my parents about it and talk my husband's parents.
Speaker 2:We've got a great relationship and get ideas and strategies, but what worked for them back then doesn't always work now, and so that I suppose that's what really pushed me into this space more and more into dealing, helping people with their emotions, helping adults with their emotions now more than kids.
Speaker 2:I don't really do kids as much anymore unless I'm teaching, because I do that from the side still, um, yes, because we, of a lot of us, didn't actually learn how to process our emotions and now we're trying to, trying to parent. You know, a set of kids, a generation of kids that are allowed to and are taught how to do it. But if you don't actually allow them, how to allow them to do that at home and teach them the strategies, and they're behind everybody else, and so it's just really there's a whole lot of different things at play, but it became really obvious to me, yeah. So it's just really there's a whole lot of different things at play, but it became really obvious to me, yeah, when there was that real disparity between what I knew and then what I was doing as my own child?
Speaker 1:So much I'm just sitting here going Sorry there's so much.
Speaker 1:I don't want to talk about this. One thing I notice, as a therapist too, is it is a different world than what our parents lived in. For sure we know more now, but also I find that a lot of parents want to be their um kid's best friend, which baffles me. Um, that's hard. Yeah, it's kind of like so that that's one thing, that they want to be their friends, and then that, really, when you we talk about authority or people telling us what to do, these children that are coming through are like, well, you can't tell me what to do.
Speaker 2:It's like no, well, actually yeah, actually, actually, I'm supposed to.
Speaker 1:That's my job, really yeah, there's that kind of difficult balance, but also, what you mentioned before, the pressures of mums today. Yeah, back in the day, mums didn't work full time and mums didn't have hobbies and mums didn't have like a life. Yeah, and at the moment it's like, yeah, women want to have it all and they can have it all. But there's that of extreme where people go the other way, where they work full time, have a business, do something for themselves, have friends, have their kids, got to have the perfect time, got to have the perfect like. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's insane. The pressure is insane. Like, even as someone who I stand up against that pressure quite a bit. I'm like I'm not actually no, I'm not taking all of that on, but it's there anyway and everyone you talk to it's there anyway and everyone's in such a financial moment. I don't know how house prices are in New Zealand, but in Australia they are insane. So everyone's needing to work two jobs in order to even pay for their house. Some people here aren't able to afford food. There's more and more people everywhere going can't afford food. Electricity's gone up like three times the amount. Everything's gone up so much that it's it's a reality that people have to work, but mums, specifically lots of dads, are stepping up to the plate too. So let's not forget the dads and my husband's fantastic, which is really great.
Speaker 2:But it makes it really difficult because in my opinion and in all the studies that I've ever heard of, a mum's job by itself is like two and a half times a full-time job. A mum's job by itself is like two and a half times a full-time job. Like I didn't finish parenting last night until 11 30 at night and I started this morning at five. So between my three kids like what's that? Between 11 and 5, six hours where I was supposed to fit in sleep time with my husband, you know, cook, do whatever else I had to do as well. That is insane and lots of parents are working with that. So that's not every day here, but it can be, so it's sort of you know, understanding that that is a parent's life.
Speaker 2:As well as then going to work, you know, doing everything else that they have to do, even feeding the family um, we've got lots of intolerances so I have to make everything from scratch in our house.
Speaker 2:All of that sort of stuff like that can add in a lot more stress to everybody, to anybody who's doing it. It's not just for mums, that's anybody. But if you're caring for a family and you really want that, like we've talked a lot my husband and I've talked lots of times about, we really wanted our kids to grow up without um ethos for another way to put it to grow up with ethos for want of another way to put it to grow up with what we wanted them to learn to do, to understand about themselves, you know. So that was. It's always been really huge to us to actually what's the word? To really instill our own family values in our children and so we've put a lot of effort into that and it's awesome, like it's been really great you know the kids understand where we come from, we've got a great family relationship and that's really cool.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it's, the pressure is insane yeah, thank you for talking about that, because it's uh, again, it's something that people do not talk about. Yeah, exactly yeah. If we're to circle back to your two-year-old daughter and you having a yelling match or, you know, just talking to each other in that way, what's one strategy or something? To a mum that's listening right now, that's like, oh God, yeah, that's so. Me, like, I get to a point and the kid, my child's not doing what they need to do, and I just get frustrated and I'm tired and I don't mean to snap and and I snap, what's like a strategy or something that anyone listening to this can take away with them today?
Speaker 2:yeah for sure. So, um, one of the things that we know about yelling or at least you know we know about yelling is, um, it's often the result of an overwhelmed central nervous system. So basically, you've got too much going on and, oh my gosh, I so know how this is. I can always will it to being right now, um, and some of that's like learned habits and all those sorts of things, but when you're yelling at your child, it's you might be frustrated at your child, but you also might be treated by something, all the other things that are going on. So we've just talked about how overwhelmed mums are. So when you've got so much going on in your brain and pressure all the time about what you're supposed to do and I know I haven't replied to that last party invite I got from my child and all that sort of peripheral stuff then yelling for me is often a result of that.
Speaker 2:So the child does something and they're not conforming to the way that you need them to do it. Like, put your socks on right now because we're going to be late for the whatever we've got to be at in 10 minutes, and your kid goes I've got a bump in my sock and talks for the next five minutes about how they've got a bump in their sock. Oh, socks. Someone needs to make socks without bumps because I'm telling you it's really, it's full on. But anyway, what's a bump in the sock? What's? What do you mean by that? Like this, like the scene you the end of the seam? Yes, so when kids have got small feet, the seam can go over the side. Yep, oh yes, and it pushes against the edge of their shoe and for a lot of kids that's super sensory. And so they're like I deal with having this bump and they've got to take all their shoes and socks off and pull the sock back on and off or find more socks.
Speaker 2:Like that happens in my household all the time. Sometimes it's a sensor, like you know, it actually goes with the sensory processing thing, and sometimes it's just kids. So you know, that sort of stuff is very frustrating because you're like everyone I finally got you know, in my case, three kids are ready to go out the door, a bit like the mum on Bluey trying to get the kids out the door, and you're literally like I just need you to literally step over this threshold, like I don't move over the door, so when you're yelling in those situations, if you end up yelling like I used to and I still do sometimes because, as you said, we're human what I, what I teach my clients to do is basically find a way that they can put a I call it a pattern interrupt. So they've basically got a pattern going in their head that goes this doesn't happen, and then I yell this doesn't happen. And then I yell this doesn't happen. And then I yell or this doesn't happen. Then I try and speak nicely five times and then I yell because my kid still hasn't listened, and that's normal and frustrating. But I get them to find a pattern interrupt.
Speaker 2:So for me, looking out the window at the trees moving outside is a really good one, because it reminds me that I'm part of a bigger world. This little problem that feels giant right now is actually not that giant. Like, at the end of the day, if we're late for school, who's going to care? But you know, that can sometimes just be all it is. Or if I'm 10 minutes late to work frustrating, but not the end of the world, you know? And would I prefer to be late to work or scream at my child? Which would I prefer? Like. To me it's, it's priorities as well, so we do that. So, yeah, maybe look out at um trees.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I'm having a stress ball, if you've got a stress ball in your pocket. Sometimes, if you don't have anything, even like rubbing your hands together or holding your hair or, you know, feeling a different fabric on your clothing, like something to really ground you and to bring you back to this present moment um, I'm sure you know all about this stuff. Um, one of the mums I spoke to um was like all right, I'm going to wash my hands. When I'm frustrated at my child and I feel like I'm going to yell, I'm going to go wash my hands and I'm like cool, you're going to have some clean hands. That's fine. Like it doesn't matter. It's something that you can intentionally choose to do. But the best way to enact that and to bring that actually into being especially if it's like a learned, you know, subconscious behaviour that you're like, all of this goes together and there's no stop.
Speaker 2:For me, one of the big parts that we talk about is actually recognising what anger feels like in your body and that frustration. So you can go maybe two steps before you're going to scream at your kid, you can go. Okay, let's take a deep breath. I'm just going to go over here and calm myself down a bit. So I'm bringing myself down before I've hit that. You know fight or flight mechanism basically. And then you know we can really start to bring in some real change.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, that's what I do is basically bring in some a pattern, interrupt of some of some description and cry and get people to see it a little bit earlier, yeah, and or help your child out in a different way. So go, you know what you don't like. You know the socks that are bumpy. Okay, we're going to make this more of a priority. First, you know, earlier in the day, earlier in the morning, while you have your rice bubbles or whatever you're having, I'm going to help you put your socks on and we'll make sure they feel right today. So that's taken out that massive explosive factor later on in the day, or when you're about to run out the door and you just want to smack your head against it, yeah, does that?
Speaker 1:answer the question. Yeah, it does. It's beautiful. Thank you. That gives some really helpful, tangible examples for people to try. One thing that I do notice, though, is children, I really believe, are not given enough credit. Credit, you think about it. Children come into the world without any um bias, that they're pure. They actually know what they need and what they want, and I feel like their voices are stifled. So half the time, I feel like a child is just frustrated or want to get your attention because they never see you, or just want to hug, or just want to feel some love, or they are copying what someone's doing in the house.
Speaker 2:Yes, yep, exactly, I would totally agree with all of that yeah, yeah, so, yeah, I really give.
Speaker 1:I work with quite a few kids. Yeah, I think the biggest feedback I get is because I allow them to be themselves. They're just little people. They're people like us. I'm a person, you're a person. They're just little people, but they know so much stuff and they're very smart and they're very in tune with their bodies. But it gets cut off at whatever age. It could be two, it could be five, it could be whatever it is in the household. Um, these children, listen to them, ask them what's like. You know, they may not be able to say in our terms, but they'll go oh, my tummy feels funny, or or my toes hurt, or I, I, I just want to hug mum or just allow them some space.
Speaker 2:Yes, yep, and it's massive. As a parent like to be able. That's one of the things I'm most passionate about is being allowing that space for your child. So, going, this kid's having a hard time you know, one of mine's having a hard time at the moment and so going, okay, we're going to create some allowancesances around that, we're not going to be so anal about whatever it is and we're going to have unlimited hug supply if you need a hug. And actually I'm going to instigate that a bit, you know, because this one's a little bit older and she's sort of working out that stuff and it's not always cool when mum's hugging her and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 2:So, um, you know, having that in place and going, my child's saying to me mum, mum, mum. Well, like my son, I've got a six-year-old son and he is like a bouncer. So he's just bouncing everywhere all the time and he bounces into his sisters all the time, you know, fun little brother stuff. So, and that creates fights and arguments. But when I see him start to bounce, so he's watching tv on the weekend and to be honest, I could not have cared at that point I was like whatever, everyone watched tv. But it got a while in and then next minute he's jumping on the couch and he's jumping on his sister and all that stuff, sometimes reading the behavior and what's going on and going.
Speaker 2:You've got way too much energy. Okay, you've had enough tv time. Like, not just sit down, you should be doing things. Sit down, you should be doing things. Sit down, you should be doing things. Don't ignore yourself. Like actually going all right, here's what we're going to do. For me, I'm a big believer in opening a new pathway and just going all right, here's your plan. You need to go and do. He's learnt to count to 100, go and do. 100 jumps on the trampoline, and that's a massive one.
Speaker 1:I use the trampoline all the time because, because you need to get some energy out and he's like I don't want to go. I'm like I don't really mind go and do it anyway. Or do you do the whole timing thing, especially with boys, like, okay, can you do that in?
Speaker 2:under four minutes last time.
Speaker 2:Sometimes we do that yeah yeah, sometimes we do that exactly, or, and that that works really well for, like, tidying up your bedroom as well. I'm like I'm gonna set a timer for one minute off. You go as quick as you can, yeah. So, um, I think part of listening to kids is actually just being okay with what they say as well, because they might say, you've got stinky breath. And my kid said that to me last night. I was like, wow, that's blunt, but I'm like, yeah, well, I just had some yummy, you know pesto chicken for dinner. Yeah, I've got stinky breath and it's good. And I'm like Kerry, but sometimes it's just that stuff where they go and you think they're being upset or there's whatever, and they're like, no, I'm just being triggered by your stinky breath, mum. I'm like, right, so that's okay.
Speaker 2:But it's being able to hear that stuff and be like, well, they're not intentionally trying to offend me. Yeah, and if they are, you can say, oh, we don't talk to each other like that, or maybe you could put that in a nicer way. That would be cool, because that sort of hurt my feelings. That's okay to say. So, yeah, I think just being open with your kids but giving them that space and time is so important. So, yeah, we have lots of those conversations like that could maybe be, like that really could really hurt someone's feelings if you said that. So just be aware. If you say that to someone else, oh, mom, I get it, you didn't mean it like that really could really hurt someone's feelings if you said that. So just be aware. If you say that to someone else, oh, mom, I get it, you didn't mean it like that, whatever. But just be aware that some other people might find that really hurtful.
Speaker 2:Or like we don't shout out about someone who's massively overweight, the shopping center, like a stuff like that. You know, I'm like. I just used to say keep it in your head, my. I'd see my eldest daughter start to go and I'll like hold it in your head and you can tell me whatever you want when we're in the car. We'd get to the car and she'd be like, oh my God, did you just see that person? I'd be like cool, yeah, but that person now doesn't feel bad. I don't mind what you say to me about the person, but the person doesn't feel bad now. So other people's feelings have always been to around being horrible no, no, but I think what I saw on your page.
Speaker 1:So I really love the fact that you talk about, um, how, how you talk about children and you I think you mentioned this to your clients that letting your child know that every single day is different, yes, and letting them know that okay and like this can be around weather, but also just around our emotions and our mood, that today can be a really great day and we're having a special family lunch and it's all woohoo, and then tomorrow may be a sad day or tomorrow may be like it's understanding all the emotions and letting the child know really early on that every day is different. Every day feels like it feels different in your body. Sometimes it feels different in your brain. Yes, yep, I love how you talk about that yeah, it's really.
Speaker 2:I feel like it's really important and I know I'm a little bit like biased in this way, but I I work a lot with women. I've got two daughters. I'm part of a family of four daughters. I've got like 10 aunties, like very much female. I'm surrounded by females a lot of the time and for me, I feel like just um, from a even a cycle and hormonal sort of situation for girls to know that there's going to be times of the month where you fell down in the dumps and there's going to be times when you feel like rocking, like you can go. Like for me, I can't sleep for some of the months because I'm like, yep, I've got so much to do right now. That and that's just how it is. And now I know more about my cycle and it's so important for our kids and I want my daughters to grow up knowing that stuff and go. You know what it's just. You know it's just how it is at the minute. It doesn't have to be. It's not an excuse for behaving badly ever, but it can be a reason why, like it's just another way to understand yourself, I suppose.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I feel like something I actually thought about when I looked at this question, actually, or conversation, is sharing about how we feel is important for our own kids' emotional regulation. So for me to say I'm feeling quite frustrated right now. I probably didn't use that language when my kids were really really little. So my youngest is six, my oldest is 11. So, um, I'm feeling a bit angry right now. So I'm just gonna you keep playing here and I'm just gonna go make a cup of tea or something. You know whatever thing it was that I chose to do. But I feel like it's important to share some of how we regulate our emotions with our kids and sometimes just how we're feeling, because they need to know that emotions are normal, like we don't have to hide them, we have to manage them and we have to make sure they don't impact other people, but we don't have to hide them.
Speaker 2:But, like every other thing you talk about when it comes to emotions, there's also another end to that sort of spectrum, for want of another word, um, is that you don't want to be sharing every little thing with your kid. You don't want to be sharing about how your husband made you feel yesterday. You don't want to be sharing about, you know, the fact that you know someone else's got this going on, or do you know what I'm saying? I'm feeling so upset that I feel like going and walking off the end of a book. You don't, you don't need to say any of those things.
Speaker 2:Do you know what I'm saying? You don't need to add that stuff because you don't want to make your child feel unsafe, anxious, create adverse views of other parents. All of that stuff you don't maybe need to add in. Do you know what I'm saying? So again, it's a bit like in moderation, your kids need to see you dealing with emotions, like they need to see, see your relationship with your partner you know a healthy version of, so that then they can go. Oh yeah, that's healthy, because otherwise I don't know what's healthy to come out of it and can you normalize that people can cry in front of their children?
Speaker 2:yeah, yep yeah, and it doesn't have to be like your kids can give you a hug, like it doesn't have to be like your kids can give you a hug, like it doesn't have to be this big deal. But at the same time it depends on how that child takes it. So sometimes you might go all right, yeah, that's all right for a couple of tears, but if you're going to be really desperately upset, some kids will really freak out. Some kids are going to feel like they're not safe, like they don't know what to do, and start trying to parent you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was going to say like trying to parent you, because they think that you're, you know, falling apart and they don't know, they don't feel safe now. So there's that, there's sort of two different sides to it. So, yeah, I totally think people should be able to cry in front of their kids, but it depends, yeah, like you don't want to go completely, go to pieces again in front of your child because that's that, then lead can leave them feeling really bad, yeah yeah, yeah, I don't know tricky, it's a hard thing for me to comment on because I don't have humans.
Speaker 1:So I would like to say I would just show all, all sides. I think it's really important we start hiding things and stuff and just normal, but I don't know. And and I do understand where you're coming from there is that final it is.
Speaker 2:It's really tricky. Yeah, it depends on the child too, but then some kids, like when I was a child, if that happened, I did start gratifying so that and that's massive and that then goes with that person through the rest of their life the fact that they have to be the parent sometimes, as I'm sure you know, so that I don't want that for my kids. But at the same time, people need to build resilience and I know that parents are humans as well. So we have lots of these conversations in my household, so we do have them. I don't really probably need to do that because I need to have a rest, because I'm not a super person, you know.
Speaker 2:Just we, we share about lots of emotions, but I would say, probably some of those really hard ones I still show them, I still let the kids know I've had them, but I might sometimes show them how I managed it rather than actually let them see the full emotion itself.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, depending on what it is. So if I'm like massively angry, I try to remove myself, because that's what you do when you're angry. I'm like, okay, everyone, I'm really cross, I need to go outside and calm down, because that's what they need to do when they're angry, and they quite often do so, and that's a human, that's an adult way to deal, regulate your emotions, so they're not seeing necessarily the anger, but they are seeing the way to manage it. So yeah, I don't know it's a bit of a sticky one because you don't know, it's sort of um case by case situation and also child by child, because some kids are really anxious and any emotion will flip them out depending on what they've seen before. And yeah, and trauma, you know trauma, past trauma, I mean that's another whole deal, isn't it?
Speaker 1:so it's a huge conversation yeah, it is, and that's some really good modeling there that you're showing really good modeling of. We're not talking about being perfect, we're talking about actually, uh, my kids mirror you know, kids mirror you. They're like animals, like if you're feeling off. Yeah, this is something that I think is really important. I always say to my clients, too, is when you're feeling off and you're stressed and you're anxious and you're coming to me saying, oh, why is my child off, or why is my yes, it's so obvious and I say this, and that your child was in you for nine months, was actually inside you.
Speaker 1:So are you surprised that when you feel any emotion, your child is actually feeling that same emotion with you, because they, uh, they were literally attached to you by an umbilical cord, like yeah, and people are like oh, and that doesn't stop. So when you're, even when your child is an adult, and you're feeling off and they're around you, they'll be like they'll pick it up.
Speaker 1:No, they're like animals, they pick it up. Yeah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying kids, animals, if anyone's no, yeah, well, sometimes we want to but yeah, and then when we talk about child's behavior, you know something that when we're looking, trying, when you're trying to troubleshoot your child's behavior, you're like, oh my god, how do I handle this? I want you to take a moment to go. Okay, actually, what's going on with me right now? And how am I showing up? Because nine times times out of ten, your child is just copying you.
Speaker 2:Yep, yep, exactly, and it's still. It's so obvious and it's really annoying at those moments when you're like oh, I'm so frustrated and now everyone else is frustrated.
Speaker 2:And what am I doing now? So I've got to like go intentionally calm myself, because I see myself and my husband, obviously, but we're the leaders of our household. Yep, like it doesn't mean we're like bad hopefully not bad leaders, but, um, you know, so it is actually up to us like there's a, there's a moment for letting your emotions out and, you know, letting all that happen and all those sorts of things and being free with your emotion. But then there's also the moment where you have to like put your big, your pants on and go, okay, no one's changing this in here, unless I'm changing it, because no one. Everyone's hinging off me, basically.
Speaker 2:So if I don't get up and go, all right, I'm going to change. I'm going to change my mindset, I'm going to change what I'm doing. I'm going to put on some cool music, I'm going to just lay with my kids on the floor for a while, I'm going to have a cup of tea, sit in the sun, do whatever. Um, if we aren't responsible for doing that stuff and it's so hard when you feel really bleh then you know no one else is doing it. So do you know what I'm saying? It's yeah, it's really, it's really really challenging, but if we show our kids how to do that without just hiding everything, but in a in a healthy way to process and then do that, I feel like that's when we can start to be calm in their chaos.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree with you. And also it wouldn't hurt I mean not in the moment that someone's overwhelmed or stressed, but I know people tend to roll their eyes when we talk about this. What I'm about to say is that they go.
Speaker 2:Should I get ready to roll my eyes?
Speaker 1:No, yeah, it's such a therapy thing. But, honestly, have a really good think. And if you can't remember, look at some photos and and this is something that it's called work for a reason you don't just sit there and it comes to you. It's going to take time. Look at your first seven years of your childhood. Yep, it's going to tell you every. That's who you are in a nutshell all your values, all your beliefs yep, everything that you believe in is there. Whether you will argue with me or not, it's all subconscious stuff and, yeah, of course, it is no really deep down. So whenever you're doing something, your child is doing something. I want you to go hang on. Let me just have a moment, and I know again, you've just spoken about all the different hats that mums have to wear. I know people be like I don't have time for that, but there comes a point where it's like when we make more time for this stuff, we actually have more time, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah yeah, we do. Yeah, because it frees up that mental space that you didn't know was even used. Well, I don't know, maybe it doesn't. That's how I see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's massive. And do you know what else is really huge? And this may be like for mums listening or whatever.
Speaker 2:So realising that, like some of the stuff that happens in your own kid's childhood, like we've done the best we can to give our kids their first seven years Like my youngest is six, right, so he's only got one more year and he's going to have those memories like set most of them already are. So, um, some of the stuff that went on has gone on in the kids. Childhood has been hard and they are going to probably have. You know that. What do you call it? Trauma with a little t, like some of that stuff that goes down the, down the line that's going to be there in some way. Like I'm not a perfect parent none of us are perfect parents, so there's going to be things that they go. Man, I hated how mummies to always get angry when I put mud inside. That doesn't happen in my house. My house is full of mud half the time. Um, so those sorts of things.
Speaker 2:I feel like giving ourselves grace to know that we're not going to be perfect and to actually go. You know what my kid's probably going to struggle with the fact that I asked them to do their hair 50 times a day. Like there's those sorts of things that I'm like, well, is that the worst in the world? It's really not the worst in the world. Like there's a lot worse things that could be happening, and that's not always the way to measure everything. But, yeah, I feel like knowing that has given me a lot more grace.
Speaker 2:Like, um, one of my kids had separation anxiety for a while because one of the other ones got sick and I'm like, so that's there in her. Like I already know that it's there in her psyche a little bit and I'm like, well, I literally did, we did everything we could in that situation. It just is what it is, so we just make sure that we're there when she needs us. Like, what else do you do? You can't do anything else than that. So for me, I'm like you can do the best job that you ever think you might do and your kids are still going to walk away, probably with a few issues, and it's like all right, well, Everyone has something.
Speaker 1:Exactly, we went to this earth to learn something, to have something to grow from it. No one gets through that first seven years or through life. Yeah, it, yeah all three?
Speaker 2:yeah, exactly, and if they think they did, then they have not come up against enough challenges.
Speaker 1:To be quite honest, or if they did coming for you, no, yeah exactly.
Speaker 2:You know it's good, but yeah, I feel like it's all about creating a safe connection for our kids, basically, or it all comes back to that being a model for them not being perfect, showing them unconditional love.
Speaker 1:Um, and if they're really pissing you off, it's a mirror for you to work on your stuff, because that's why why people have children. This is like the bigger picture.
Speaker 1:They are your mirror, because we all have to work on things within ourselves yeah yeah, yeah, whether you don't, you can choose, or you can choose to ignore it, whatever. But every beautiful gift, every child that you have, is it. When you get hate, that word triggered. But when you feel something, yeah, that little child is here for a reason. They're here to learn things, but they're here to teach you things as well.
Speaker 2:Exactly, um, I think one of the biggest things in that if I can just pop something in there is actually having that self-compassion. So this is I just I've just finished my positive psychology degree. I have finished it actually and um, doing, um in well-being. It's not a degree, it's a certificate now, but anyway, whatever, it would just sort of add it on to the rest of my study. And I did a whole massive assignment on self-compassion and self-compassion is huge and the difference that having self-compassion can have on your mental health I'm sure you know this but is insane and I see so. So so many people Like there's memes all over the internet about people who beat themselves up mentally and we all do it like I still do it sometimes as well, but being aware of when that's happening and going, you know what I'm actually not perfect, excuse myself, I'm not perfect.
Speaker 2:Here's a news flash like how about you just cut yourself some slack and go make yourself a cup of tea? Like, obviously I like cups of tea, but do you know what I'm saying? That stuff is huge and it's been one of the biggest things I've been able to share with mums and um help with their mental health and with their emotional health, because going you know what, that's okay. You're doing great. Sometimes you just need to hear that, but you actually need to hear that from yourself as well.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that's a huge deal having self-compassion yeah, yeah, definitely, and do things your way, because we're built with intuition for a reason mother's intuition, yeah like if that doctor doesn't listen, you go and find one that does. If you've got money around, that group of coffee, group for mums, go. Yes, go somewhere else. Yep, you don't. Yeah, you don't like someone, go find someone else.
Speaker 1:So um yeah, you know, just go with. You know best, you really do. You know exactly. So if mums, I think I love that self-compassion, that's really, really important. On the flip side of self-compassion, I think, is like when people feel overwhelmed I think that's a lot of mums just like, holy shit, I'm so overwhelmed, yep, yep. Have you got maybe three tips that you could give to people today, mums today that feel overwhelmed?
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely, yep. So the first thing to say is that this was me at the start of this year. So I sent my child, my youngest, into prep and then I felt like I went, oh, my gosh, I've done my job. Oh not, obviously not fully, but I've got three kids to school in the midst of COVID as well, like I toddlers in COVID, and one at school, and it was full-on. So I was like, yay, I did that, and then I basically just fell straight off the wagon. I was so burnt out at the start of this year and really overwhelmed, so I feel like, oh, and that's happened to me a couple of times, so, but this was the biggest.
Speaker 2:So I say everything that I say not just from, not just from study, but actually from seriously having to live it. So, and that's been really good to be able to do that in front of my people that are watching, I suppose. So, um, one of the major ones apart from self-compassion, because that just should go over everything um is to create a regular routine of rest. So lots of people that I meet don't know how to rest. So rest is going to a cafe with all the kids and then going out for lunch and then going to someone else's house for tea and I'm like that's not resting. It can be a part of resting. Maybe going out for coffee with friends is part of resting. That's cool. But doing things that you delight in and um being creative if you're creative, I'm really creative, so I know I like being like doing that um sleeping, chilling, going out with friends, like doing that sort of stuff, whatever things that you like to do um find what you like to do and make sure that you do it, and it can change up. Like you don't have to say I have to go for a walk at 9 am every wednesday, like you can go all right, wednesday morning's the morning that I just do whatever the heck it is I want to do, and that might be netflix, it might be sleep, it might be, you know whatever it is that you have to do or can do, and you guard that time as well. So, rather than just going, oh yeah, I could probably fit you in on Wednesday no, actually sorry, wednesday, you know for one of another day, wednesday's out as that day. So I do that on Sunday afternoons.
Speaker 2:Now I've started being really intentional, especially since the start of this year, and um, my people, my followers, know that I'm a Christian, so I go to church in the morning and I, on the Sunday afternoon, I'm like you know what two I've already made tea the day before. I just make an easy tea to reheat and I'm like I'm doing nothing. So I sat on the couch yesterday. What else did I do? I sat with my son and watched TV, which was really lovely, but also I kept writing some more of my second novel. So I've released a novel, if you want to know. So I'm writing the sequel at the moment. So I just did some of that. That's my creative stuff.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, so yeah, the first one I would say, is creating that regular routine, yeah, yeah, and actually blocking it out and actually like, yeah, giving it to yourself because, yeah, that that's much needed. It's very, very important yeah and not being guilty when you rest either.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that's right, exactly, it's so important and so, um, yeah, I suppose there's that. And then what else have we got? Um, just to have here. Oh, take out some stresses, this is another one, and so this sort of ties in a little bit, because my, my novel is about it's a werewolf romance novel, anyway, so you don't have to.
Speaker 1:What A werewolf? Why is it so hard to say Werewolf? Yeah it's a werewolf romance novel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So that's really that's fascinating.
Speaker 2:It is. It's quite fun. So, yeah, it's really really cool. So I've just I self-published it earlier this year, but I'm looking into actually having it professionally published as well. So it's been well received by the people who've read it and they're all hanging on a sequel. So I'm like all right, let's get on to number two. So yeah, I'm like 20, nearly 30,000 words into number two. So, super exciting, hoping to do some more after this because I've got all the plot is like thick in my head. Anyway, sorry for that side note.
Speaker 2:The reason I said that is because when you take out some stresses, you don't have to be part of the pack. You don't have to be part of the people who do the dance. You don't have to be part of the people who, you know, have to have everything, who have to go to the cafe every weekend, who have to, you know, take your kids everywhere, who have to do everything. You can just go, you know what. We don't have to do that. And one of my kids at the at the moment is like all right, at the moment it's just been too much doing anything else. So I think she's following me in my, you know, burnout, my, I've gotten better and then she's got worse, but anyway, um, we're just going. You don't have to do any of those things. You have to exercise. Yep, you can walk the puppy who's going crazy. Normally he needs more walking. You can eat healthy food with us at home. You have to go to school, that's it, like you don't have to do anything else. You're a healthy, functioning human being if you do those things, and we love you and you can draw and paint and do whatever like who cares? Just do that stuff. So maybe take out some stresses and I've had really great success with some mums who have really stepped up to the plate and gone. I am going to take out some stresses. I'm going to take one day less of work. That's a huge step for anybody and I never tell anyone to do that. That's anyone. People's own decision because that's not my business. But you know, take out some of that extra stuff that you don't need to be doing. So, yeah, it's that's massive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so sorry, these three are taking a little while, but the third one is the third way to like cope with stress and manage mom overwhelm because to me they're very similar is learn how to manage your own emotions and calm your own central nervous system.
Speaker 2:So I never knew that I was always functioning with a very, very highly on alert central nervous system, so never breathed into my belly, always was like all the time and waiting for the next thing quite um, hyper alert all the time and that, as a result, was obviously stressing my body all the time and has created like some digestive stuff and those sorts of things that you don't want to know, so you don't want to be happening.
Speaker 2:So for me, learning how to manage your emotions and calm yourself, whether it's through breathing, whether it's through any of those other sorts of things and I share lots of that sort of stuff on my um, on my Instagram page as well um, it's really important because, for starters, it lowers your stress levels, it lowers your overwhelm levels, it lowers the um taxing on your brain and your body and your lungs, like every system, every single system that's tied up in that stress response.
Speaker 2:But also it helps you go oh, I'm learning more about my emotions and how they affect my body, and then I can put that pattern interrupt in place that we talked about earlier in. So I can go oh, I'm starting to feel a bit like this oh, yep, cool, that's now my time when I go and do whatever it is. So, yeah, I suppose learning how to manage and understand your own emotions and really that central nervous system part was the missing link for me, because I'm like, all right, I can manage my emotions, but realising that actually I was already operating at a highly alert sort of level, like hypervigilant level, that was massive to me because I'm like I've just realized I have a lot of trauma that I haven't worked through and that's the reason why. So for me, all of that was one big sort of wheel.
Speaker 1:Yeah so and what I see a lot of women that therapy is not for everyone, but we all have these things that we need to work through and learn about ourselves and understand. If you've blocked that out your whole life, then you have children. Then all of a sudden it has a funny way of hitting you on the face like, oh, my god, what? Why do I not know who I am? Why do I not know what I want to do with my life? And I'm only a mum and I have those kind of questions comes up to.
Speaker 1:Okay, maybe you know you you can't figure this stuff out on your own because we've only got one map. You need to ask for support. You need to ask for help to to question yourself and find out oh, I like the sound of that, no, I don't like that and to learn about yourself. So I think it's really important. Yeah, but yes, it's an overwhelm. Especially stress is one is like a badge of honor.
Speaker 1:There's so many people out there that um are so glorified and it's so like I can do everything and be everything. I'm like good for you because I know that's all. Be it like yeah, exactly, yep, what advice have you got or what's something that you could share with someone, that in the coffee group, in the school, pick up at the dance practice or whatever. I'm just trying to think of all the things that mums will see other mums and you have your groups and you talk to people and stuff. You know, if you're someone that goes to these things and it feels like you're isolated or alone or oh my god, I'm the only one that doesn't have my shit together and you know what I mean when I say that. Yeah, yeah, but something. I know what I'll say to someone. But first of all, I'm quite curious for you, from your experience and your lived in knowledge and your knowledge, what would you say to someone that always just feels like they're on the outside?
Speaker 2:that's a really good question. That's actually a really good question. Um, I think a lot of the stuff on the outside, so there's sort of different ways you can look at it, so sometimes it's your own lens that you're seeing things through. So sometimes it could and again, these not necessarily for every single situation, but sometimes it's going away and sitting with yourself and going what exactly am I basing my worth on right now? Like, am I basing the fact that I feel isolated from other people on the fact you know, on how I see what I should be feeling when I'm part of this? Do you know what I'm saying? So, sitting back and also going, okay, what inside myself? What do I actually feel? Like? Do I feel like I'm worth it? Do I feel like I'm not? And for me again, as as someone with a faith, that really helps in that way, because you know that's obviously what that's about. So, um, yeah, I suppose sitting back and doing that, the other thing that you can do is, um, if you feel isolated, then you can do what you can.
Speaker 2:It's a little bit tricky, but do what you can to try and just connect. Bit tricky, but do what you can to try and just connect with the people that connect with you. So if you've got, if there's one or two people there who chat to you, make it a point to go and step out first, and then the next thing you go to maybe do the same thing Find your people. Like once. I know and it sounds so ridiculous because if you're struggling finding your people and someone says, hey, find your people, that's, that's not helpful. But once you've found the people that really resonate with you and they're more open with you and you're open with them, you'll see.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, they might not be that good at for me, like keeping my house tidy. Oh, my gosh, I'm not that good at keeping my house tidy. My best friend is great at keeping your house tidy, but man, I'm so much better at some other stuff than she is, so there's different areas that you can see in other people. So, yeah, it's a. It is a hard one if you're feeling isolated, you know, find your people, which again is hard. But also going inside yourself and going, okay, what do I need? What do I already have? That's filling that need. And sometimes it's a case of sitting down with your kids and going, yeah, you know what? I'm the best one that I can be and that has to be enough. Some days that just has to be enough and other days you might have a great time and you might meet new people and you might have that need fulfilled by other people. But really finding a community that you can resonate with is massive, I think. Does that answer that question?
Speaker 1:it's a really hard one to answer yeah, no, it does, and I'm just, I'm from a similar angle. I'm more like okay, what is it that's making you feel that way? Is it the other person's marriage? Is it the other person's relationship? Is it a person's body image? Is it the other person's trips they have overseas?
Speaker 1:Because most of the time, this stuff is generated from keeping up with the joneses, from my yeah, yeah, that's right, it's all stuff that really, at the end of the day, doesn't matter, but we're so fixated on. Oh, they look so happy and I can promise you I'm on the other side people that come and talk to me and see me, other people that people have no idea how unhappy they are. Yeah, exactly, and that's the ones that are louder, the ones that are more. You know, you think about it. All of us in our lives, I'm sure have met someone that has worked very hard and has a lot of money or a lot of wealth or whatever, and nine times out of ten, it's the guy down at the pub who has holes in his shorts, doesn't show up but and just is very low key.
Speaker 1:And that's to me, that's real hard work, that's real wealth, that's real um person being real, and sometimes I feel like the people that are like look at me, look at me, or we're doing this, we're doing this from my experience. Um, the people I have in front of me, I'm like, wow, no one. You just, you don't know what people are going through and people will hide it. So they hide it from their children, so they can hide it from their children, the people they love the most. They're going to hide it from the world, and the more they're not happy, the more they will go the opposite, get the bigger thing or do the bigger thing, or oh we're so happy and I love my husband or I love my wife so much, and being inside they're like just not happy at all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yep, yep. I feel like it's like that's one thing that I love to share and I've always shared with anyone who's listening to. Anything I've got to say is the authenticity, like being authentic and being satisfied with what you've got to a point is that is real happiness. Like to me, I'm like, being authentically myself is more important to me. Like, and as authentic as I can with my kids, that sort of stuff is more important to me than anything else, like your family, the health of your family, how you interact with them, the love that you have for yourself, your faith. If you have one, yes, then that stuff is more important than anything. Like a big car, a big whatever. I mean, those things are great.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying you shouldn't have them, but and we have stuff, but it's not, it's nowhere near as important as as that relationship. Yeah, and that's that's again why sometimes I haven't. Quite often I have a messy house because I'm like, well, we chose to just blob on the floor and have a picnic instead of you know me ignoring the kids doing that while I went to clean the house. Like, yeah, of course our house is clean, it's hell, it's, you know, tidy enough and it's, you know hygienic and all that stuff, but there is. There are things everywhere because I've got three kids but it's dropping that stuff for the relationship that is worth it every single time.
Speaker 1:What you're sharing with me. It's a home and it's to do with your priorities and people that have it's not shaming anyone, but people that have the show homes or whatever. I'm like instantly, I've got my therapy. I'm like, oh yep, what do we need to chat about today?
Speaker 2:I what you're hiding? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's hard because, yeah, it's it's. It's also hard in the opposite direction. So if you've got a messier house, you feel instantly, feel judged by everybody. But I'm like, but I don't, I don't really care that people judge me. I use that as an example a lot because it's something that really touches a lot of mums hearts, because a lot of mums are worried about the messy house and all that stuff and I am sometimes, but most of the time I'm like, when I'm older, to be clean yeah, but there's messy whatever clean.
Speaker 1:So people tend to put those two things together and then people always joke, um, oh, so OCD or whatever, and like no, sorry, but it's a real thing that real people have right. Yeah, that's right, exactly, don't joke about it. But also, when you think about it in the scheme of things, do you want your kid to be like oh, my mum was always angry at me and always wanted my toys in a certain box? And there's having so in mental health, there's a really big thing. And having your room or your space clear, so your mind is clear, that's a real thing. Yeah, it is. It helps your mind. But also there's that balance between um, I'm going to spend the time with you, know, do something once a week, but spend the time with the children when they're young, um, but also and it is a hard thing because people portray this thing of everything needs to be clean and tidy, because then I'm I'm the best mom. So messy.
Speaker 2:The kids don't even notice that at all, but it's a home is unconditional love.
Speaker 1:It's playing. It's discovery. It's when I walk into a home got toys everywhere and it's a lived in home. It's so nice. Yeah, it is. It's like a show home. It's like oh, what, what skeletons do you?
Speaker 2:we've all got skeletons in the closet, but I'm like yeah, yeah, okay, there might be some here that are fairly obvious. Yeah, am I doing some?
Speaker 1:it's really or is my dealing with someone that's for show?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah that's and for me, like, show is not. That's so not what it's all about. So, yeah, no, I'm all about practical and authenticity and it's really it's important, because the people that I talk to, the clients that come and see me and you know whatever else, um, they're all about authenticity because I actually want to know what to do, like you can have all these big shiny ideas I want to do, or big shiny things, or here's my amazing, gorgeous Instagram. You know, grid, but actually, if you don't actually get a tip or something to do to deal with your anxiety or to deal with your whatever it is, then you're walking away with nothing. Like you may as well just flick through a magazine. You haven't actually walked away with any actual strategies that are going to hit the ground for you and help.
Speaker 2:So, I don't know, I just feel like, like we're not here as, especially as a therapist or as someone like I'm you know, I'm a coach um, I am here and you are here to actually help people where the rubber hits the road, agreed, yeah, so when, when we are doing that, we're not just sharing the fluff, we're going, you know what, when you feel like this, here is what can help, like, and that's actually helping people in that space that they don't want to show anybody else. So for me that's so like I just don't see the point of being a being showy. It's just I just do not see the point of it because it actually helps no one in the end. It just helps everyone walk around past each other waving. It'll actually help.
Speaker 2:It does right, yeah, there you go, that's my soapbox.
Speaker 1:I know. No, I love it, I love it. Thank you so much for talking to us today about all the stuff to do with gentle parenting and emotional regulation and overwhelm and stress. So if any mums are listening to you and want to connect with you, where's the best place for them to find you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, cool. Well, first of all, thanks heaps for having me on, because this has been a really great conversation. I love talking about this stuff because it's so important, but it is and practical Right.
Speaker 1:It is important that mums know that they're not alone and that there is help and that, um, you're not meant to know what to do. You've never been here, never had, and that's right. You can only deal with the information you've got at that right time. So I see a lot of mums like, oh, I should have done this, should have done this. I'm like, yeah, well, did you have all the information then? No, so no, it's not, yes, it's yeah. Be kind to yourself. Oh, my god, no one knows what. No one knows what they're doing.
Speaker 2:Can we just say, yeah, exactly, everyone's pretending they do, but actually no, yeah. And then sometimes you do stuff and you go hey, I actually did know what I was doing. That's great, but I didn't feel like it beforehand. I didn't know what I was doing. That's great, but I didn't feel like it beforehand. I didn't know what I was doing until I did it. And then I was like actually I probably did have a clue, but yeah, nice, so no, it's good, it's good. So people can find me. If they want to find me, they can. It's just easiest to either go to my website or to go to Instagram and they're with miranda. So, just as you would spell that peaceful living with miranda and that's obviously at instagram and it's for my website peaceful living with mirandaorg.
Speaker 1:Yay, perfect. Yeah, it's great easy, it's great great. And even anyone that is pregnant and is going to have a child can they come and do some coaching with you too, maybe learn about parenting stuff?
Speaker 2:yeah, definitely, and I work with just women generally. So, yes, I've got some, you know some women who have been mums for a lot longer than I have, who can come and chat to me as well about, you know, some of that emotional stuff, anything to do with that. So, yeah, I just love talking to women around this sort of stuff. So, but the parenting bit is really helpful because, because I am a teacher and I have some of the behavioral strategies that are really helpful for you to connect with your child, that's why I work specifically with mums a lot of the time. So, yeah, it's good fun.
Speaker 1:It's good, but it's hard being a kid in today's world and it's hard being a human and hard being an adult and hard being a parent. Yes, yep, it's hard. None of us we're not built to live in today's world. We're not built, uh, mentally or physically or emotionally to deal with the things that we're dealing with now. We're we're all we're. All we're built to do is wake up with the sun, walk around, get some food, maybe have some sex, maybe not and go to bed, like that's literally what we're designed to do. And then maybe in a month, we might go on a big long trek the females to get the berries or to get the water, and come back, and the guys are just to protect us and find food and that's it. So we're not. It's crazy. We're not made to live now. So if anyone's struggling or not understanding why their body is highly anxious, whatever it's like, we've got to help you because we're just not designed for today's world.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and for me, a lot of that is information overload. So one of the major things you can do is just cut the information, stop the info for a week or just limit it and go. You know what? Two hours a day I'm scrolling However many hours a day it's been scrolling, you know that sort of stuff and then go you know what, and then I'm going to watch a movie, or, and then I'm going to go plant in my garden Yep, my Instagram. To go plant in my garden yep, my Instagram. People know that I've just got a compost bin. How exciting. I've waited for a good compost bin for a while.
Speaker 1:I'm all about gardening and that sort of stuff, so I could talk about that for ages, but anyway, yeah, no good, I'm really big on people um writing things down and getting it out of their head.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, actually that's what I was going to share before when I, when you first said to me about yes, actually, that's what I was going to share before. When you first said to me about managing mum overwhelm that's one of the big, especially if you're awake in the middle of the night. Just smack it down on paper and then at least you can go all right, remind me in the morning about that. And yeah, yeah, actually, my daughter came up with a sorry, I always keep a pad and a pin or a pencil. Yes, yes, and I just want to share just before we finish I know we're about to finish um, my daughter came up with this beautiful, my 11 year old came up with this beautiful way to deal with um anxiety that she was feeling. And she goes, mum, I just in my head, um, take out that cd. And I'm like cd, do you even know what a cd is? You're 11. Anyway, she goes, I just take that CD out and I go and go through my other CDs and find a happy one or, you know, a calm one, and I pop it in that CD player and I think about the other CD another day and I'm like oh, my gosh, that is so wise. Thanks for that.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh, cute stuff. So yeah, that was, I know. I was like, oh, success, that's a mum's success right there. I'm so proud of her because we've talked about that sort of stuff. But she came up with that scenario totally by herself and I was like awesome. So yeah, and you can. I'm like you can think about that later. That's fine. But if you want to go to sleep, drop it out of the cd player, think about something different. And it takes practice. It doesn't take five minutes, but you can, it's possible. So super proud of it. So anyway, I just had to pop that in there how?
Speaker 1:yeah, thank you for sharing proud moment. See, our kids are just so special and they're so.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they are so smart yeah, they're so smart, they know just what to do. You just gotta give them a bit of stuff holding.
Speaker 1:They're so smart because they play you. So kids are smart. Yes, kids need to be heard and listened to and just talk to them, but flip side is they will push you and they will play you because they're finding out. What can I get away with?
Speaker 2:exactly. You do still have to actually be the parent and be like. I'm actually still in charge here, but I'm in charge with love. Yeah, I'm like your best boss ever. Yeah, but you're also not getting away with it because I'm the best boss ever, so yeah, there you go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, exactly. Oh, it's been such a honestly, what an awesome chat today. Miranda, thank you so much. Yeah, really good for um sharing everything and your personal things as well in your life. I love people that are open enough to share um. You know, we don't know who listens to this, but it's so awesome that you're open to share your story and stuff as well. So, thank you so much yes, yeah, no, thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me on. It's been a fantastic conversation. I can't wait to have you on my podcast. Come on, we'll organize that. Organize that.
Speaker 1:I'll be on there All right?
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. Yeah, beautiful, thanks so much. Have a great day.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. I hope this conversation has added value to your self-care journey and inspired positive changes in your life. If you enjoyed this episode, consider sharing it with a friend who might benefit from this episode. Don't forget to subscribe on Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform to stay up to date on future episodes. Your support means the world to me. I genuinely love hearing from you, so please take a moment to leave a review. Let me know which part of today's episode resonated with you the most. Your feedback guides the direction of this podcast and I really appreciate each and every single one of you for being a part of this community.
Speaker 1:To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness. To find out a bit more about the Studio Chat podcast, head over to my Instagram page, Studio Chat Podcast. Or if you want to find out a bit more about my counseling private practice, head over to Instagram on self underscore care underscore studio. Or head over to my website, selfcarebybarbara thompsoncomau. I'm really looking forward to seeing you on the next episode. Until next time, take care of yourselves and keep embracing the journey of self-discovery.
