Studio Chat
This is where conversations about self care and life happens, to help you to become an expert in your own life when it comes to self love and self care. To trust your gut and have your own back and to strengthen your mind/body connection."To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness".
Studio Chat
Community, Connection & Wellbeing with Neha Negandhi
In this episode I have a great conversation with Neha Negandhi, a certified life coach and TEDx speaker from Atlanta, Georgia, as she shares her heartfelt journey towards achieving her long-held aspiration of giving a TEDx talk.
We talk about the modern challenges of loneliness and maintaining genuine human connections and explore how societal changes have impacted our sense of community and the stigma surrounding asking for help. Neha shares with us the moment she knew she had to reach out for support and started working with a therapist. I love the honesty she shared with how this felt for her and why she was committed to 'doing the work'. An episode all about understanding yourself, knowing when to pause and ask for help.
http://www.nehanegandhi.com/
Welcome to the Studio Chat podcast, the podcast designed to be your companion in the journey of self-discovery. I'm Barbara Thompson, your host and a dedicated therapist. I'm the founder and owner of Self Care Studio, a private counseling practice With my clients and courses that I create. On this podcast, I'm committed to ensuring that you have the support that you need. I created this podcast as a space for you to feel a sense of connection and a reminder that you're not alone in this thing that we call life, this adventure. This podcast is your weekly reminder to trust yourself, live life authentically and embrace the path that is uniquely yours. Together, we'll explore ways to break free from people pleasing, overthinking, allowing you to claim your time and energy to live life on your terms. You'll be joined by myself as I take you through some episodes or, during the year, I'll have some special self-care experts as guests on my podcast. So, if you're ready to step into a life that's truly for you, join me on this journey. Let's navigate the twists and turns of life together and, more importantly, live your life for you. So thank you so much for choosing to spend some time with me today. Let the studio chat begin. Hi everyone.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to another episode of the studio chat podcast. My name is Barbara Thompson. I'm the host. It's so nice to have you here and today you know how my podcast I always like to introduce my guests of where they're at, because I really feel like when I'm talking to someone, I want to be in that country or that space.
Speaker 1:So today, cast your mind, I'm going to take you on a trip over to Atlanta, georgia, and we're going to speak to the most beautiful and lovely lady. Her name is Naya Nugundi and she's a certified life coach, a TEDx speaker that's awesome I haven't had a TEDx speaker yet and someone who practices spirituality every day to practice self-love and love for others. She just turned 15. It's been a journey, restarting again after a lengthy pause after the birth of her second child almost seven years ago, and things are amazing and at the moment you know this episode. Today, you know we're going to touch on well-being emotional, mental, physical well-being and talk about social goods, social responsibility and Naya is also like in the radio world, so it's really awesome to be able to pick your brains on things. So a warm welcome to the Studio Chat podcast.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, I am so excited to be here after, especially after that amazing intro.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, and right back to you, I am so excited to be talking to somebody in Australia.
Speaker 1:I don't think I've ever done this before.
Speaker 2:I at least talked to somebody in Australia, so I'm excited.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know I'm excited too. I think the first thing I really want to touch on is, like the TEDx speakers, that's a pretty exciting thing to do. Can you tell us a little bit more about how that came about for you? Oh my gosh about for you?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Oh, this TEDx talk has been on my list for a long time. I, you know, through all my years. I started in corporate America a long time ago. You know I call it my pre-children days to my post-children days. You know, people talk about pre-COVID and post-COVID. I talk about pre-children, post-post-children, so pre-children.
Speaker 2:My goal has been a long time to do a TEDx talk and it took me, oh gosh, about a good 12, 13 years to figure out what it is I truly wanted to talk about. And TEDx will teach you this You've got to get up there and deliver something eloquently and passionately and something that really is intrinsic. You know, this city is doing their own version of a TEDx talk and I've never done that before and they're looking for speakers and I was like, oh my gosh, somebody just read my mind. I sent me the link. I want to sign up for this. So the first step is filling out an application. So you have to fill out this whole application about why you want to be a tech seeker and then, after that, then you have to go to the audition and this what they tell you, it's like a 60 second audition. You go in there's like a panel of people. You do a 60 second spiel of what you're going to talk about and then you exit, stage left and that's it. I mean literally, they set this whole thing up and I was in the car. I'll never forget this moment.
Speaker 2:I was in the car getting ready for my 60 second audition and I'm like this is it, this is my moment. This is either gone into, like I'm going to launch into my this wonderful TEDx speaker land or I'm not. You know anyway, and I almost talked myself out of it. I almost said I can't do it, I can't do it, almost talked myself out of it. I almost said I can't do it, I can't do it, I cannot do it, I'm not meant to do it, I'm not ready. I you know all these things that you say to yourself, but I did, somehow, I managed and I got up there and I can't even tell you what I said. And after the 60, 60 seconds, I you know, you exit stage left. You don't even really talk to the, the, the, the people that are there, and I was like okay, and then I think it was no, they told us. They told us like they were going to give us an answer like seven days later or something along these lines, and I got the email that I had been accepted.
Speaker 2:And that's where the journey starts, because after that it was seven to eight months of prep time, practicing sending your speech in. They have to approve it, tedx has to approve it, everybody in the world has to approve it. Then you have to practice, practice, practice, memorize, you have to memorize and then you deliver. So, yes, one of the best experiences of my life. Covid did ruin some of the luster out of it because I didn't get to deliver in front of it, because we I didn't get to deliver in front of an audience. I didn't get to stand on the proverbial red carpet. However, um, it was one of the best experiences.
Speaker 1:So, yes, lovely and what was your? What was your? What's kind of your wheelhouse? What's your? What was your topic about?
Speaker 2:oh my gosh, my wheelhouse is and always has been, for these last decade and a half has been about community and how we can be a better person to serve a stronger community. I can't say this enough and I say it so many times and sometimes I feel like, you know, people are like, oh my gosh, she's on her soapbox again. But it's not a soapbox, it's just really, truly. I believe that it takes all of us to foster a sense of community and in order for us to do that, we have to also understand our internal battles, that we have to shift and align, and also understand that we all face them, that there's not a single person in our community that doesn't face some sort of internal struggle, battle, obstacle, whatever you want to call it. And so once we understand that, and once we understand that we are all connected in each and every way, I truly believe it makes a stronger community and it makes us a better human race.
Speaker 1:When we understand that, that's that's what my talk was about and at the moment in your country too, if anyone's listening to this, like a year down the track, we're listening at a time where, a week or so ago, donald Trump was almost, you know, tried to be assassinated, and then Biden has stepped down and Kamala Harris has come in and it's so. This is I just wanted to kind of put that in that this in the position right now.
Speaker 2:So if people are listening, they kind of know where we're at, as especially where your country is, it's contacts right, I mean, yeah, and this is I mean and this goes back to why we should be a community, and it really isn't about what you know what makes us different.
Speaker 2:It really is what connects us and what we. What connects us is the fact that we are all people that go through things, that all have happiness and fears, and sadness and anger and and, and joy and love and all of that. And if we just understand our basic human, you know things that connects us, then we can have real conversations about the things that maybe you know separates us or different, differentiates us, but those are the things that still bind us. And that's what my talk was really about was about the things that bind us together and what that takes and what that entails. So you know all of this stuff that's going on in our society right now about former presidents getting shot at and you know somebody, a current president, that's stepping down and not running for re-election it's things that can obviously maybe divide us, but I think if we come together, just as basic, really good people fostering really strong conversations- and maybe maybe gaining some knowledge.
Speaker 2:Then I think we all are a better human race for it.
Speaker 1:So where did all this kind of start for you? And especially, I want to kind of move to this well-being side. First let's talk about the well-being side that fosters this community the emotional, mental and physical well-being. Where did that start for you? What made you interested in this?
Speaker 2:Well, I think it always started because I felt like I never belonged. I was born in Chicago and raised in Charlotte, north Carolina. My family and I moved there. When I was born in Chicago and raised in Charlotte, north Carolina, my family and I moved there when I was eight years old. And when you move, I was born to Indian parents. My parents are from India, immigrated from India, and when you move to a place that doesn't recognize you or just because for the way you look, and then from there it sort of kind of you know grows into not accepting you for who you are. And as a child you don't know how to sort of put that into words, but you just know that feeling, that feeling of not being accepted and that feeling of you know, not belonging. And so I've always sort of carried that and it caused a lot of identity issues for me, like who am I? How do I fit in? Where do I fit in? How do I belong? So then I started, you know, as I started, getting a teenager, becoming a teenager. I wanted to create that. I wanted to create a sense of community, people that look like me, thought like me or even understood all these differentiating things that bring us together, and so this love for community always was there and I always wanted to create it.
Speaker 2:My parents are entrepreneurs, and so they owned a convenience store and a gas station and on the side of it was a 10-room hotel, and really think about it more of an extended stay type of hotel where you pay monthly but you can stay as long as you pay, and this whole store and the hotel. They were in an underpublished area on the outskirts of Charlotte, north Carolina, where I grew up, and one of the tenants came into the store one day and I happened to be helping my dad behind the counter and I think I was maybe nine or 10 years old and the tenant came in and he said to my father and I'll never forget this, he said Mr Shaw, that's my father. He said you know, I got a bit of some financial hardship going on and I'm just not going to be able to pay the rent this month. And here's a man this is a man, an adult man who has a wife and also some children that are living in this hotel room and he said I'm not even sure if I can pay the rent next month. And he said I'm not even sure if I can pay the rent next month, but I promise you, you know, if you let me stay and let my family stay, I will get you paid back.
Speaker 2:And on the side of the counter was a red notebook my dad kept, and in the red notebook my dad would keep people's names and contact information of people that would come into the store and say, hey, I'm needing a place to stay. And we were the only type of extended stay hotel hotel in that area for in like a good 60 miles. So they would always be people that were wanting to stay in the, you know, in this type of facility. And, um, so my dad looked at this gentleman and he pulled out this red notebook and he said um, you know, I've got a list here of all these people you know that want your room. But. And then he took out his hand and shook that gentleman's hand and he said but you know what? We're going to do this together. I'm here for you anytime you need me.
Speaker 2:And that lesson stayed with me to this day, and that if we help somebody, somebody then in turn always helps you. And that's the way the world works and that's how a community builds stronger. And so I was taught these lessons firsthand, and so now I am so ingrained to do this for others. You know, I have example after example that my parents have modeled for me, which now I then model for my own children, whether that's giving to our temple, giving their time, giving their service, even though they worked 12, 14-hour days and they had three children to raise and feed, but yet they always found that time. They always found that time and to give back to the community, because they always said when you need help, you want somebody to stand up for you, and so then you have to do that for others. So, yeah, that's why I believe in what I believe so fervently that you know we have to be there for one another, not another, because you know, if we don't guess what, who's going to be there for us when we need it.
Speaker 1:Thank goodness for people like your parents in this world and thank goodness for people like you. Like, what a beautiful. I didn't know where the story was going to go when you said he had the red notebook and he looked at it and there's all these names and names and I was thinking, oh, is it places where they can stay? Like I was trying to thinking of where, where this was going, and the fact that your dad extended a handshake and a gentleman's handshake and said we'll work it out together. Um, you know, and from the other side, I've been in moments of my life when I have to ask for help and it's so difficult, it's so, it's so think that's harder. I think I don't know. My perspective is it's harder to ask for help than give help, like I'll help anyone. But I know in the times when it's tough, I've had to ask for help. Oh man, it's very hard. You leave it to the last minute.
Speaker 2:I mean, can you imagine what that gentleman had to follow in order to walk in and talk to my father? I mean, I think about all this now as an adult. I mean that gentleman had to take a big, huge heaping of humble pie right and say I'm going to be honest with you, I'm going to tell you what's going on. I'm trying to do the best I can. I hope that you stand by me, right, and I mean to me that's what we all need to do for each other.
Speaker 1:we all are trying the very best we can and I think if we all just stand by each other and for each other, this might be a whole different place that we live in today yeah, what a beautiful message that is is to help our community and I think with COVID and everything that's happened, I think all of us have kind of pulled away from that and are very isolated.
Speaker 1:So I think it's a really important conversation we're having today is to reach out and help others and it just starts with asking people if you haven't heard from someone in a while, are you okay, how's it going? And, genuinely, is there anything I can do to help? I feel like sometimes when we say to people, luckily, your father did, he extended that handshake. How can we help? Sometimes I feel like you know, when you walk past someone, if you're going for a walk or you're at the shopping mall, oh, hi, how you going good, like it's kind of like you're probably, you're probably not good, but isn't it funny, hi, how are you? Yeah, good, and you just walk off and it's doesn't mean anything. And it's like I feel like sometimes, oh, do you need a hand with anything? No, I'm fine and it's. I feel like it's the same kind of a very important question how are you?
Speaker 2:Good, do you need any help? Or how can I help you? Now I'm all good, I feel like they're the same. Well, you know what? I kind of think that parallels into what the loneliness epidemic that's going on in our world today, you know? I mean there have been so many countless studies that people are talking about how lonely they are, and I think it's because of that and that there has been such a stigmatizing of asking for help or raising your hand, saying hi, I'm not okay. And I think this pretext of you know all of us having to put on this bright smile and say everything's great, because that's what social media teaches us to do, I think it does so much more harm than good. You know, there used to be a time when you could say have a real, you know, honest conversation with people. Just you know saying hey, you know, things are, things are all right or things are not all right.
Speaker 2:And you know, and having the other people so a person, give you a sense of relevancy even if things are not okay, saying it's all right, things will be okay. You know we're all in here together, you know, trying to make the best of our world. There's some parts of it that are lost in all of that.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I hope that we get back to that. There's a you know? Yeah, there was. There was. Everything wasn't so great back in the day. I can personally attest to that. However, there was a simple simplicity to it that was wholesome and good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what I'm thinking of, as I was, as you, and I have just talked off camera that I was born in New Zealand and so I can speak from that point of view. In my childhood I know there were times when neighbors would come and knock on our door oh, we've run out of toilet paper. Have you got some toilet paper? No worries. Oh, have you got a cup of sugar? Have you got a cup of flour? Have you got some tomatoes? And you'd have this community feel. Or if someone had a baby, everyone would cook food and leave it on their doorstep. Or if one family there was a divorce or something happening, the community would just leave groceries on their doorstep. Or there was that real community feel and I would love that to go back to someone knocking on the door oh, can I borrow a couple of rolls of toilet paper?
Speaker 2:I would love that so much. I mean, you know, I, and I don't even though I talk about, I love much, I love community. You know there are some neighbors here on my street that I don't know like we wave, but I don't know who they are, I don't know their name. My children don't go on and play on the streets anymore because, you know, now it's like, oh, my God, you know what's going to happen. You know, and I, I, the world has changed and become so complex that I, I, you know, you're right, because, um, you know, in India, my parents, my mom, used to tell me, um, that they would be these things, called these on these carts, and they would roll up right up to your house selling fresh vegetables, right, and I mean and fresh milk, I mean whatever you want, and they would just roll up.
Speaker 2:You know, and this is the way that these are straight from the farms, straight from the farms, that people would put on the cart and literally roll it through town, you know, into the cities or towns and sell it door to door to door, and they'd be out. You know, in our language, you know vegetable bala, vegetable bala sabji bala, sabji bala.
Speaker 2:Right, that means that he's coming. He's coming. You better go get your fresh vegetables from this cart and I, like my mom, would talk about those days and literally you'd be eating farm to plate. You know, now it's like this nouveau concept, like everything, oh, so cool when you're eating farm to plate, but literally that's what we were doing back then. Now again things have gotten so complicated and so to me, a little ways out of control. You talked about let's go around and talk, knock on neighbor's doors and say hi, you know, here, here's, here's a card saying how are you? And you know, hope you're well and if you're not, I'm always here to listen to you, you know yeah, isn't it?
Speaker 1:you know, I know we live across the world from each other, but I feel like the community now is like if someone knocks on your door, what do you want to go away? Or, like you know, a very skeptical and like you want to help me. No, like we're very, um, closed off yes, what is that?
Speaker 2:tell me?
Speaker 1:tell me, because it makes me sad to think about that you know, I think people have lost the art of communication, have lost the art of, um, having the time. Obviously, like we're now, we're looking at most households where the two parents, whatever they are, are working, um, so people are chasing the dream, trying to keep up with the joneses. Uh, don't have much time. And then, because they're so, like when we talk about the well-being side, they're so. Their nervous system is not regulated, they're very stressed, they're very anxious, so the last thing they want to do is talk to, you know, the old guy next door how his flowers are growing. I don't know, I'm just, you know, giving examples. I think people have lost the art of time, the art of slowing down, the art of being a good human and just genuinely taking the time of you know talking to someone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, of breathing and connecting. You know, I just researched and talked about this article. I just wrote about fasting and you know fasting and this all goes back to well being and connecting. But the fasting, the abstinence of eating or voluntarily not eating, it's so important to talk about the natural cadence of your body, understanding this natural cycle that your body has, because if you really are in tune with your body and you can be, it's, it's not a very difficult thing to do, but it's just really listening to it. We are as human beings are in ancestrally, millennia's ago. Our bodies are in tune with a natural cadence to not eat and and when you don't eat and I'm talking about if you take a seven to eight 12 hour break from not eating, not about not anything, because once you put anything in your mouth, instantly your sugars start breaking it down. But not eating at all it connects you and I'm trying to use the right words without sounding too woo-woo about it.
Speaker 2:No, no you can go it, yeah, but it really does connect you to your whole spiritual self. And I'm talking about understanding and really listening to those things that you have those questions about and we all have them, don't, don't be in denial, people, we all have questions that we are seeking answers to. And I think one of the ways that we have lost this art of what you're talking about communicating and really connecting is because we don't listen to the natural cadence of our bodies and we don't listen to the natural cadence that the universe calls out to us and that is, in part, fasting.
Speaker 2:When you talk about Hippocrates or I may not be pronouncing his name right, but he's a father of modern medicine, you know from the Greeks he one of the main things he said was that fasting is how we kill diseases, because once your body's fasting, it self-heals itself.
Speaker 2:So when you've got damaged cells and you don't eat, your body then starts regulating and you know I'm not a medical professional, but this is what it says that your body starts self-generating cells. So it is so. So you know, we talk about all these things and it kind of really goes back to your point about you know, we've lost these, these, these simple arts, of things, of things that we grew up with, things that we knew, things that we've known to be true. All of our moms and our dads and our grandmothers and grandparents and our great-grandparents, and on and on and on, they all knew this stuff to be true. We somehow in this generation, have become so technologically savvy and I say with air quotes, technologically savvy and I say with air quotes but you know that we've lost these very simple connections to our body and to ourselves.
Speaker 1:And that same person said food is medicine as well, you know, and that that's an important thing, especially, I think, growing up with your mom and dad like the Ayurveda style, like her um a lot of spices, and understanding, like fasting, and understanding that, uh, food is medicine. I think, like I can't speak for you and how you're brought up in your family and your culture, but from my limited knowledge of what I know, that's the, that's the beauty about it. It's all about about balance. It's all about learning what your, your body is different from everyone else and how you treat that body and and nourishing this body.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's so true. It's so true In fact, in the Hindu scriptures it says food is how you were created from God. I mean it's so. So if you, if you kind of I mean it's so, so if you kind of delve into the history of things, like I said and I'm really, and I love history because I believe it's how we learn all of our lessons in life and so food is essential, it's nourishment, it's actually a gift from God, and in Hindu cultures, because it's a gift from God, we do some special reverence around it.
Speaker 2:So I do a puja, or a sort of a spiritual speaking to God, to what I believe in every single day, to you know, to God, to you know what I believe in every single day, and when I do that, part of that is giving some food, as saying thank you to God is part of my gratefulness and it's absolute nourishment.
Speaker 2:But so is, like you, what you talked about, our video, which is the balancing of where you eat food. You must also balance that with not eating, because that's what connects you, that's what connects you to yourself, that's what connects you to the higher beings, that's what connects you to this universe. So I think again, I would bring this full circle back to your sense of well-being. Sense of mental well-being really lies in understanding your body's cadence. And then, if fasting is one of them, great, but it's also, you know, pausing and acknowledging that, hey, maybe my natural rhythm of life, or my even my natural body rhythm may be just a little off. And why is that? Not overlooking it, not getting so like, oh, I've got to go and I got to go, and I got to keep up with the Joneses and I got to go and make my corporate money and all this stuff.
Speaker 2:None of that is all of that is irrelevant if you don't have a great sense of who you are and a really deep connection to the place that makes you the best person that you can be, the person you are really supposed to be in this world. And again, hindu scriptures, which I've read, I've said each of us, each of us, whether you believe in a divine being or not, but each of us has a purpose in this world, every single one of us. And so it is not whether your purpose is to you know, oh, I'm supposed to make a million dollars. No, that's missing the point. The point is that your purpose, your exact reason for being on this earth today, is to be the best self you can be, and that's your reason. That's your purpose.
Speaker 2:And people will talk about purpose is such an overused word now and I don't want to dwell on it, but that's why I really am into this whole wellbeing space, because we really need to get back to our age old, simple roots in life and get back to that cadence, because if we do, we will find that alignment between our mind and our heart and our body yeah, and what I do is I often I feel like I repeat this a lot I talk about when, when human beings first existed on this earth, what did we do?
Speaker 1:we woke up with the sun. Women would would have the community of children and look after the children. We might go on like a four or five day hike and we know what track to go down. Okay, that's got the poisonous berries. At this time of year, the kids can eat this. We'll get the water come back, and that's a form of community and leaning on each other, where the males would go off and hunt and kill or whatever, and come back and then we would talk around the fire and share stories and wisdom and connect, and then we'd go to bed when the sun went down.
Speaker 1:That's what our bodies and brains have been designed to do. We haven't changed as a species, really, since that. So now, if anyone listening to this, I want you to think of what do you do on a day like how close is it to when we first came? Whatever you believe in, we all have different ways of how we came onto this earth and what that looks like, but whatever your version is, I want you to stop and think how you live your life today. How close is it to when you know we were first on this land and what happened.
Speaker 1:And that kind of was like a aha moment for me when I was learning on my nutrition studies and they kind of touched on it. They were kind of like, well, you've got a brain and you've got a body. This is kind of really, literally, in the basic sense, it hasn't had an upgrade, um, software hasn't changed. It's the same basically so many millions of years ago. But look how we're treating it. It doesn't understand social media, it doesn't understand tech, it doesn't understand the blue light, it doesn't understand the preservatives and the stuff that's not food, um, and it doesn't understand a stress or a workload. And it kind of makes sense, doesn't?
Speaker 2:it. It's. It so makes sense, you know. I mean, if you think about it, you're right, our bodies are used to all this movement, right, like whether you were a hunter-gatherer or whether you were a person, you know, raising the children and washing the clothes and cooking. It's just designed to, for movement and flow.
Speaker 2:I don't think I mean for you, for us, then to say, oh well, you have to sit in a chair and stare at a screen for seven to eight hours in a day, I mean, without a complete, you know, redo of our system, which is not going to happen because we are human beings, right, we did evolve. I'm like, how is that supposed to be okay? How are you not gonna not have, you know, mental and emotional and psychological well-being when you are trying to force yourself to in a square peg, when you're a circle or you know, however that thing goes? So, yeah, we could talk about this forever, barbara, this is a forever topic. But I think the main thing is that we start understanding there's a sense of pause that when you feel this unalignment, when you start sensing it, because your body, your mind, whatever you want to call it, whispers to you, it whispers to you and if you take even that one minutiae just to listen, you will then know that you are not aligned.
Speaker 2:And if you feel that, then you need to say, okay, I'm going to take a really big step back and understand what's happening and that's what you owe yourself, that's what that well-being part of it is. And now well-being can go into all different kinds of tangents, right, like you know, we put labels on it like self-care and self-love, and sure, it's all of that, it's all of that, but really, essentially, it's finding your sense of alignment. It is where did it go wrong? And how do you get back to that place that feels good to you, right? Hey, sitting in a chair feels good to you, sure, okay, great, that's you, that's you. You know. But for most people that I know of, there's a sense of unalignment. And how do you make that pause? How do you create that pause? And then how do you acknowledge it? And then how do you find the ways to rectify it? That's what we're getting to and that's what I'm hoping that in this conversation that it creates a sense of pause. That's what I'm most hoping for.
Speaker 2:I do these mental well-being workshops's what I'm most hoping for. I do these mental well-being workshops and I do them in libraries, I do them in people's homes, I do them in companies, and I promise you, and there's, like you know, people often ask me you know who are the target audience of these workshops? I'm like it's everybody. It's everybody because you would be surprised in these workshops, that 50-50 ratio between males and females. So there is a real big trend Now.
Speaker 2:You know it used to be men. You didn't talk about their feelings and then talk about their mental wellbeing. It's a real shift that I'm seeing about what you know, these people that we as a community are up against, and so one of the primary topics that always comes up is how do I create that pause? I don't know how to create this pause and I think if, like, one of the things I always go back to is stop, close your eyes and breathe, you will know if the whispers will come to you, what is the right thing for you to do, to take the pause. So yeah, I know I think I kind of derailed us a little, but I.
Speaker 1:It's all connected and someone listening to this. Now, if they stop and close your eyes and breathe, I think there's a lot of fear around. That is, as a therapist, when I work with people and I. This is so important for you and I to have this conversation, because I work with clients on the full spectrum. I don't just talk about the mental aspect. I'm very holistic, so I talk about everything with my clients mind, body connection. So this is so important, this conversation.
Speaker 1:But one thing I know to be true is when I'm working with people been working with them for a while now the thing that I hear back is I'm scared. I'm scared to stop, I'm scared to feel things because I'm worried that it's going to swallow me whole and never stop. So people kind of I know I probably need to work through this or think about this or process this or listen to my body while it's got pains, but I just want to block it out because I think that's easier for me than even just something simple. As for some people, being able to pause, close your eyes and just take a breath people like I don't have time for that or even just the thought of it makes me feel so anxious I don't want to do it and they're worried that when they stop, everything's gonna hit them like a ton of bricks or yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, what you're saying is very, very true. But I think that's also the part about you know, I don't know, sometimes you got to put those I say this a lot with my children you got to put those big girl, big boy underpants on right, because you decide as a person that you can't move forward if you don't start acknowledging some of these things that you're too anxious to deal with or are too uncomfortable to deal with or are too busy to deal with. Right, and I think it's those things. It's like a gift. It keeps presenting itself to you in various ways and formats and if you don't deal with it, well, guess what? It never really goes away. It's always there, it's always a part of you. So either deal with it now or deal with it later.
Speaker 2:And maybe you've got 10 years, right? Well, you could have dealt with this 10 years. You could have dealt with it now, versus waking up 10 years from now saying, oh Lord, it's still here, it's still. That feeling is still there, that that situation it's still, it's still part of me. So I look, I hear you, I feel you, I'm here. But that's what this sense of community is about, Because if you create that sense of community. When those moments hit you, when you do take those pause, you have that structure built in for you. You have those you know neighbor stoop moments where you can be like, hey, I'm having a day I'm having a moment.
Speaker 2:I'm having, whatever, and I promise, I promise that when people start taking those pause moments, that others will want to do the same and that will foster that sense of community as well, because there is not a single problem in this world that nobody else is feeling as well. I promise you that. So, take that moment to pause. It's so important because if you don't, it's going to come back again and again, and again. So, yeah, it may be hard. Gosh, it must have been a couple of years ago. Yeah, it must have been, yeah, 2022.
Speaker 2:And I was faced with the same thing. I saw repeated patterns in my life that I did not like. I did not understand why things often went sideways when I was just pushing and forging ahead. Or I couldn't understand why I would blow up at my children for no reason at all, and I was like where's this anger coming from? Anger comes from. Hurt her right and then, when I would start to acknowledge it pause, acknowledge I would sink into depression and this whole cycle would continue. And I was done with that and I said I'm going to go to a therapist. It's time, it's time. I will tell you that in my culture maybe things have changed, but as I'm 50, so you know things in my generation. Going to see a therapist was poo-pooed upon you. Don't do that. You know somebody. People that you know have really something wrong with them. Go see somebody like that and it took me a while to even get over that. Just to say to myself.
Speaker 2:I need to talk with somebody, I need to understand who I am. So I can get to the bottom of this and let me tell you it was bad. I mean, it was scary.
Speaker 1:I didn't want to do it Like I don't want to do it.
Speaker 2:You know those moments right, but I did it. Week after week, I practically lived on my therapist's couch and it's only through that that I got to unravel some of these things that I carried with me, that I believe to be true, that aren't true, or that understanding that my role in my family it is not always the role that I carry forward in the community, it's so. It's in these repeated sets of patterns that I had stem from a place of not healing that eight-year-old little girl inside me.
Speaker 2:So look if we don't heal the inner child inside of us, that pain that that little boy or that little girl carries, carries forward to this day. So if you don't find that healing for her or him, you're still going to face the same things in life.
Speaker 1:Thank you, thank you. Thank you for sharing that. The stigma is still to this day. I don't want to go talk to a stranger and people that see a therapist are really you know, they've got massive issues or they're really sick or whatever. The story is around your community, you know. Thank you for just being so honest. Going I don't want to go, like that's very normal in the beginning and why would you want to go? Why do you want to go and talk about hard stuff? I wouldn't want to do it.
Speaker 2:And it was so hard.
Speaker 2:I mean, I don't want to talk about that thing happened 20 years ago. That has no relevance now, but it has all the relevance, all the relevance, you know, when you, when I was on the bus, the school wasn't I went to school, wasn't the very first time when I was eight years old in Charlotte, north Carolina, because we walked to school. And I, when we went to school in Chicago, I got on the school bus eight years old in Charlotte, north Carolina, because we walked to school. When we went to school in Chicago, I got on the school bus eight years old and this little boy came up to me and he said do you live in a teepee? And I was like I didn't know what a teepee was really, honestly, and I was like.
Speaker 1:What is that?
Speaker 2:And then he laughed and, you know, walked away. But I remember that feeling. I remember that feeling of, oh you, because just 1% the pigment of my skin, you've determined that I am not with you, that I don't belong in the same group as you belong to, and so carrying that forward decade after decade and creating these negative patterns because I was looking and searching for somewhere to belong to, somewhere to hang my hat on. I mean, when I tell you like there is no sense of Oprah crying Like I cried, like buckets full because I didn't, the pain that I carried with me for all of these decades, when you finally set it free, that's when you know, that's when you really know who you are, that's when you form that connection with yourself. Because now I know, I know, I know the pain I carry, I love and nurture that little girl inside me saying, no, I'm not different, I'm not any different. And even if I am, my differences still make me lovable and want and still wanted, right and so.
Speaker 2:But these are hard fought lessons that I had to deal with and understand, and understand that you know it was causing this, these, these horrible negative patterns that I didn't want anymore in my life. So was it easy. There was no part of it that was easy. I, I do. I want to do it again. Not really, no, but would I? Yes, yes, thank you, yeah, but then I would ask others to do the same.
Speaker 1:Yes, hmm, yeah, thank you for your honesty, because it's interesting that, how, something, so the fact that you can remember it. You could probably close your eyes and picture it and you know what he was wearing. You know, there's a reason why it's so strong in your mind and these are the things that, like you said, we don't revisit them, we don't kind of pick it apart. It stays with us and holds that power over us, and I loved how you said that you went well. You lived at your therapist's office. But I loved how you said that you went well. You lived at your therapist's office, but I love how you said you went again and again and again. So I'm obviously a therapist, but I'm curious to know from your side what motivated you to keep going. Obviously, the first time is like whoa a lot, but what from your point of view? What gave you the discipline? Because it is discipline to keep showing up at your therapist's office every week and doing the work.
Speaker 2:I wish I had an easy answer to that. I think I had just resolved that I was done with the pain, that I was so done with the pain and that I could see the pain cycle starting to develop in my children. And that's when I was like you know, like no more, like I won't be the responsible party for this. Right. My children can have their own stuff that carries them into their own therapist's office. Maybe one day, maybe not, I don't know, but I don't want to be the responsible person for that because I didn't deal with my stuff.
Speaker 2:And so, you know, a therapist said to me because I did, I went in there. I went in there and I said I don't want to do this. And she said yeah, why would you? It's like a train wreck happening to you right now. I'm asking you to stay still on a railroad crossing and a train is about to hit you full force. So, yeah, there's no part of it. That is easy. None, I did it because I was done with the pain, I was done with feeling the way I was feeling. Absolutely not going to be the responsible party for having my children live through that and saying, hey, well, mom, you know, didn't deal with her stuff. There's no reason why I need to right and we all have stuff as a human being.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying all my children are perfect. They're not believe me. But if they do go see a therapist it's because of their own situations in their life, not because their mother wasn't woman enough to deal with her stuff. So yeah, I did it.
Speaker 1:I love your therapy.
Speaker 2:I did because, let me tell you, it took so much sacrifice. I, you know, I sit on very involved in our community and I had to stop. I had to stop my nonprofit roles. I had to stop my consulting business. I had to stop and dig into this a hundred percent and I am like it was a full year, a full year that I dedicated in my therapist office to be like, no, I'm going to unravel some of these things that are not true. I'm going to talk about this. I'm going to understand who I am, because if I don't, I'm going to turn into the next half century of my life going through this stuff all over again and I won't do that. So, yeah, that's. But so I guess yeah, not to be in a soapbox or not that I'm any better than anybody else. I just feel like we all owe it to ourselves. We all owe it to ourselves to be the most genuine, honest person version of ourselves that we were supposed to be. So, yeah, that's your purpose. I always say that.
Speaker 1:I'm just hearing someone that was carrying, you know, obviously your parents from a different country and and being like someone saying that to you on a school bus or something that would have stayed with you for such a long time, and that pain and that hurt we can all remember. I'm sure all of us have something that when we're at school or high school or college or university, one person said something to us and it's still with us and that stuff, wow, it builds a story and then from the story, it builds our beliefs. I can see a very cute little face behind you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my like this is like speaking of children yeah, I want to say to my community.
Speaker 1:I can see her have a look.
Speaker 2:I told her before this started. I was like mommy's gonna do this really important talk, you know. You know, set her up with her crayons and her books and all this stuff. But you know, none of that matters, because seven-year-olds have their own sense of self. So you want to say hi she's more than welcome.
Speaker 1:Where is she? Hello, it's nice to have you on my podcast. What mommy and I've been talking about do you want to do?
Speaker 2:you know what mommy and I have we've been talking about? No, okay, well then say hello and then say bye-bye and then bye see, this is all about, isn't it?
Speaker 1:it's all about, it is all about community right.
Speaker 2:I mean I gotta. She embodies all of that, so what?
Speaker 1:a beautiful and you know, and I might sound a little bit different. I could see the curiosity in her face looking at me, so I think maybe my voice might sound a bit different to her. So I think that's why she wanted to come and see.
Speaker 2:I'm sure. I'm sure we're going to read a book tonight about something about Australia or kangaroos or something. We're going to have to bring this up and tie it all in together. I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that, but that's is a really important conversation to have, because it all ties into community is when you feel good about yourself, you understand yourself. Now I know you sharing this on this episode is going to help someone. Listening to this, gosh, I've been feeling like this. Or now I've got my children, my dog barking, so isn't that funny? You know, now my daughter is barking Talika. Come here, my dog barking, so isn't it funny? You know, now my daughter is barking talikam. Yeah, um, but it's all relevant because people right now are so lost, more than ever, and hearing your story and hearing how I don't want to go and do this, but I did the hard thing anyway. Yeah, you know, that may just be enough for someone in this community to go. Oh, okay, this is normal to feel like this. I'll give it a try. You know, naya tried it and she did it, and she was so honest and doesn't want to do it and paused everything for a year and did it. Maybe I can do it.
Speaker 2:I mean I, that my work here is done? No, I'm just kidding, I did it.
Speaker 2:You know I mean yours too. I mean thanks for providing this kind of platform that people can hear that kind of message and not feel so alienated and isolated and alone. Because, you know, I mean Barb will tell you and I'm sure you tell your listeners this all the time but there is not a single thing in this world that somebody is going through, that somebody else is not going through. So don't let that, you know, stop you from like pausing and really understanding who you are. And we all carry stuff. We all do, whether it's from you know way back when, or from yesterday or from today, and it's how you want to deal with it and how you want it. Do you want it to leave a scar, you know, because those aren't pretty and it takes time to heal so yeah, yeah, and it's all hard, so it's like you know, um.
Speaker 1:But I think the most important thing is is, when we talk about community, is understanding that kind of community within yourself first, like understanding what's good for you. You get to pick and choose in this life. You don't have to do anything, you know, when you talk about health and wellness and nutrition and lifestyle, just because everyone's drinking the green drink, if it gives you sore guts or it gives you a rash, maybe think about it's not for you and look and but keep trying, get curious, oh, I might try this or I might try adding this, or you know what I mean. So it's kind of like be your own boss, be your own investigator and ask heaps of questions and get curious. And you know someone listening to this might want to ask you, like you know, reach out to you and be like how did you push forward to make that appointment, or how can I help my community. And that's where these conversations start.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely, and I hope that's why, if you start asking that, like you said, if you start being becoming more curious, that's where you start understanding. If you start being becoming more curious, that's where you start understanding, you know and opening the doors, and that's where those connections start happening and that's what all the good stuff starts happening. It's only when you feel like none of the answers are there or you feel like I don't know and so nobody else knows, or I. Why should I do that? Nobody cares, I don't care, and that just leads you in that same spiral where you don't want to go and I feel like, if we can help people, you need someone you know to say to themselves this spiral is not worth it what I'm familiar with and I think what did because I went to therapy before I became a therapist, so I've been in the same shoes as you is like, oh, I don't want to go.
Speaker 1:But I think a lot of people are like, yes, I'm feeling something, but I don't really know what it is and I don't really care, I'll push it and worry about it later. And then that goes two years, five years, ten years, and it's just like, oh, now I've left it too long. Oh, it's just easier to ignore. And just, you know, I'm okay. Because life is tricky when we're talking about our feelings and the way we feel, how we feel in our body, especially for us females. We have that cycle and there's like the day 14 or day 15 where we feel amazing and it's like, oh, I don't need anyone, I'm fine. And then we go into the depths of the 28 days where it's getting close to our cycle and we feel snippy and we can't sleep and we're stressed and anxious. And then maybe I talk to someone, but then obviously the next week you feel okay and then you like it's that roller coaster and that's what makes it tricky. It was. What makes it tricky to look after our wellbeing is we're driven by our emotions.
Speaker 2:But it is true, yeah, yes, absolutely, Absolutely I mean, and it is so true. But it also goes back to what we were talking about earlier. When you listen to your body's natural cadence, that means you are listening to the whispers that are coming through to you and if you just lean into them a little bit, even our emotional women being emotional well-beings means we are more finely tuned in to our inner flow and our inner intuition, and so I think those are our gifts. I mean, I, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm a big believer that we have all the gifts that we need and so, like to me, I'm grateful that I'm a woman and I get to tune in to my inner sense of wellbeing and even at you know day, whatever it is in my cycle, and yeah, I am, I am tuned in.
Speaker 2:But if you start listening, if you really start fine tuning and listening and get just one step beyond the oh, I feel like crap, just one step beyond it, right, what's making you feel like that? Just start asking yourself that you will then get a few of those answers that will lead you to the right next step. Look, none of us have the answers. But if you're willing to make the right next step. It will come. It will come, and you just got to believe it and you got to listen, because the answers are all there. They're all there. There's nothing that you or I have spoken about today is rocket science. You know it's not like, oh, new idea. No, this has all been said, all been done. You just got to believe it. Believe it and follow it.
Speaker 1:The chat we've had today has been a great conversation. It's been a great conversation about community and showing up for others and asking how others are doing and also connecting with ourselves, like you know, being the best version of ourselves and you've just shared. I know I could talk to you all day about your childhood, about the stories with your parents and and just even just the simple times of that cart coming down, you know, and everyone yelling out here's the fresh vegetables, come and get them. And when I was younger, we had a um, what would have been like a milk truck that would go around our neighborhood and I remember it was in like a carry case and it had little tokens and it had it was glass milk bottles and they'd go around and little tokens, and it had. It was glass milk bottles and they'd go around and fill.
Speaker 1:It was fresh milk and the milkman would come. He must have come every day, but I remember, like the milkman, the milkman's coming and put the bottles out and then I remember it was like, oh, I think when they changed to plastic or something, it was like, oh, my god. And then all of a sudden, the milkman was gone and then you just bought it at the supermarket. So I don't know, and I was only really, really young when that happened in New Zealand, but same kind of thing with the vegetables I was. I've just forgotten that whole thing. Oh my god, we used to have a milk, a milk delivery guy, yeah yeah, it's so true, I mean yeah.
Speaker 1:I.
Speaker 2:I remember, I I don't think we had that.
Speaker 2:I don't mean, well, maybe I don't remember it, but or maybe it didn't come out so because we were in rural rural not as part of Charlotte, north Carolina, but yeah, I don't. But it's the same kind of pretext, that same thing that we were talking about, about just getting back to our simple roots in life. And once you do that, you start understanding and taking that pause to understand how you can get in the best alignment with your body and mind and and and soul and all that stuff. So I think kind of goes back to these things about. We were bringing up examples about how it's happened in the past and our evolution, though it's, you know, has brought us so many wonderful advances, but still we can rely on the things that we've done in the past to, you know, has brought us so many wonderful advances, but still we can rely on the things that we've done in the past to, you know, give us to let us get back to that alignment that we know to be true. So, yeah, I think that's all of that is so important.
Speaker 2:Thank you for sharing your, your experiences and your story, and such a beautiful snippets that you've given us today and your honesty and your vulnerability of going of talking snippets that you've given us today, and your honesty and your vulnerability of going, of talking about everything that you've shared oh well, you know, like I said, I think I think that if, if my story, or if anything that I've said has, can help somebody feel less alone, less isolated, you know, and put them in a place that they're willing to take a pause and really understand and acknowledge what's happening, then I and I'm part of your community and I will always be there, right, and so I I that is so important to me that we understand that no one is in this alone, not one single one of us, and we are all connected.
Speaker 2:So building that and having that hopefully gives others the foundation to take that really all important thoughts, to understand that. You know, the things that we carry inside us really do make an impact on us and if we deal with that, then we become a much better, much more of a whole person.
Speaker 1:We all need someone. We all need someone, just one person. We need community. We're built to be around people and built to have someone and share stories and feed off like the energetic feeling of happiness and love and yeah, yes, yes, and that's why, you know, we evolved, we as humans, evolved because of that.
Speaker 2:And so, you know, I, I, you, you, your wonderful dog has brought up such a warm feeling and, you know, maybe that could be a solution for some people, right, like dogs and taking a walk with dogs and just stopping and having a conversation with people and, like you said, you know how are you doing and being honest about that, you know, and not really like saying, well, everything's great, no worries, and I want to keep going. Right, there's a sense of well things. Maybe, if things aren't great, well, wonderful. But if things aren't great, what about saying, hey, you know, things aren't so great today, but you know, working on it, and maybe things will be better tomorrow and maybe that might foster a sense of connectedness, who knows? But you know walking and movement and, like we talked about earlier, it's so important and maybe, you know, a dog's unconditional love can be part of somebody else's paws.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're pretty good. Yeah, Even though this whole time I've been watching her walk around the house and do little puppy things. But that's okay, that's what it's all about.
Speaker 2:That's part of it.
Speaker 1:That's part of it, and I've of the process. That's part of it. And I've seen your beautiful daughter. It's so nice to meet her. Thank you for being my guest. I can see her hiding behind you. I know she's got it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know she's like I think it's time she's winding down, winding down.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love it, I love it. Thank you so much for spending some time with me today and for sharing your wisdom and your experience. And yeah, it's been. I've really enjoyed this conversation with you.
Speaker 2:I really have too. Thank you so much for the opportunity. Thank you for creating a platform that listeners can engage with you and be supported. I think that's so important and you are doing a tremendous job. So so grateful to you for doing that. And I know doing a podcast is not easy. If anybody thinks it is, it's not. There's not a single part of it that's easy. So super grateful for you for doing this, and you are creating a sense of community in and of itself of what you're doing. So thank you, thank you so much for doing that, for having me on and, um, you know, letting my daughter peep in, so she's part of this conversation.
Speaker 1:One thing I do want to ask you is, if people want to reach out to you, where can they like connect with you?
Speaker 2:yeah, so please visit me on my website. My website is nehanagandicom. It's N-E-H-A-N-E-G-A-N-D-H-Icom. Would love to chat with you, send me a message. I'm on all the social good, but you know they serve a purpose, so it's all good. It's all good, but you know, if you want to really kind of, you know, reach out to me, send me a message to my website. I would just I love hearing from people. It really well, like you said, it connects us, you know, because we do sit in our offices and in front of a computer and when I do hear and get a message from somebody, I am grateful. So, yes, please do.
Speaker 1:And even though you and I are from opposite sides of the world, we still can talk about the same stuff, can't we?
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, 100%. How old is it? We are all connected whether you're in my future like barbara is, you know, um. So it's. It's really great because you know it's so funny because I do, I do learn from the past and maybe you're a future-oriented person. I don't know. But maybe it worked out exactly synergetically, the way it was supposed to yeah, anyone going.
Speaker 1:What are they talking about? Just to give you a heads up before we go, is it's Tuesday morning here for me on the 23rd of July and it is Monday night for you, isn't it?
Speaker 1:yeah, it's like 8 15 at night in the evening here, yeah, and in eastern time zone, so yeah yeah, that's, that's time and always, you know, especially from down this side of the world, when we travel, it's kind of like we leave New Zealand or Australia, say, on the 23rd of the month and then we arrive in the states on the 23rd of the month, like it's kind of like it's so weird how time and differences. But what I wanted to highlight is we can laugh and talk about the same stuff and share. Even if you and I couldn't speak the same language, we still go through the same stuff.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely, and that's that's what gets to the core of the message. We are all connected. Yeah, we all, we all are. We all speak the universal language. We all share the same gamut of emotions, right?
Speaker 1:So let's not do that. You and your daughter have a beautiful evening. Read a book about wombats or kangaroos or something. Yeah, can't wait.
Speaker 2:I can't wait. I'm sure she's already kind of thinking about it and picking them all out, but thank you so much, barbara. This has been just the most amazing experience. Really enjoyed myself.
Speaker 1:I've enjoyed it too. Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. I hope this conversation has added value to your self-care journey and inspired positive changes in your life. If you enjoyed this episode, consider sharing it with a friend who might benefit from this episode. Don't forget to subscribe on Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform to stay up to date on future episodes. Your support means the world to me. I genuinely love hearing from you, so please take a moment to leave a review. Let me know which part of today's episode resonated with you the most. Your feedback guides the direction of this podcast and I really appreciate each and every single one of you for being a part of this community.
Speaker 1:To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness. To find out a bit more about the studio Chat podcast, head over to my Instagram page, studio Chat Podcast. Or, if you want to find out a bit more about my counselling private practice, head over to Instagram on self underscore care, underscore studio. Or head over to my website, selfcarebybarbarethompsoncomau. I'm really looking forward to seeing you on the next episode. Until next time, take care of yourselves and keep embracing the journey of self-discovery. We'll see you next time.
