Project Weight Loss

Creating Bonds That Last: Intimacy & the 36 Questions

Fina Perez Episode 152

Have you ever had a conversation that made you feel truly seen, understood, and connected?  This week, we’re unpacking the art of connection, exploring Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions.  

References:

Harvard Study of Adult Development, 2017

Holt-Lunstad, Smith, & Layton, Perspectives on Psychological Science, 2010

Mehl et al., Eavesdropping on Happiness, Psychological Science, 2010

Aron et al., The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 1997)

Arthur Aron 36 Questions:

1.    Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 2.    Would you like to be famous? In what way? 3.    Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? 4.    What would constitute a "perfect" day for you? 5.    When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 6.    If you were able to live to the age of 90 & retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 7.    Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 8.    Name 3 things you and your partner appear to have in common. 9.    For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 10.If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 11.Take four minutes & tell your life story. 12.If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any 1 quality or ability, what would it be?

13.If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know? 14.Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it? 15.What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 16.What do you value most in a friendship? 17.What is your most treasured memory? 18.“ “ terrible memory?19.If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 20.What does friendship mean to you? 21.What roles do love & affection play in your life? 22.Share something you consider a + characteristic of your partner. Share a total of 5 items. 23.How close & warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most people's?

24.How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?25.Make 3 true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling..." 26.Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..." 27.If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know. 28.Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met. 29.Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 30.When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 31.Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 32.What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?33.If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to speak with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet? 34.Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones & pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any 1 item. What is it? Why? 35.Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? 36.Share a personal problem & ask your partner's advice. Ask your partner to reflect how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Let’s go, let’s get it done.

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