Toxic Relationships: Overcome The Narcissist

Are you ensnared in the web of a toxic relationship, searching for a way to reclaim your life and your sense of self? Join me, Dr. Amen Kaur as we delve into the labyrinth of recovery from narcissistic abuse. We will unravel the complex layers of reality and illusion that encapsulate toxic relationships and introduce you to the transformative power of your own inner wisdom. This journey will illuminate the distance between who you are and who you can be, and will help you navigate your path towards a healthier, more fulfilling existence.

Yet, the road to healing doesn't end there. Healing is an ongoing, deeply personal journey. In the second chapter, we explore the vital importance of self-forgiveness on this journey and how it can lead to profound personal growth. I am also thrilled to introduce the Heal to Thrive program, an intensive four-month course designed to support and accelerate your healing process. If you're ready to invest in your well-being and commit to your recovery, this program might just be the catalyst you need. Join us, and together let's set the stage for a positive and transformative 2024.

Resources
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This podcast should not be used as a substitute for medical or mental health advice. Individuals are advised to seek indepen

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Dr Eman Kaur, and each week we will bring you an important message as we explore how to detox toxic relationships. The aim of this podcast is for you to unlock your own inner knowing, your own inner greatness, so you can know how to heal from the impact of a toxic relationship, so you can get your life back on track and live your best life. After all, we are all worthy of loving our life. Part of healing from narcissistic relationships is allowing it or using it so it becomes part of our spiritual path. We can use narcissism as a means of finding our true self, so we can distinguish what is real from what is unreal, what is narcissistic, what is the truth? What is an illusion? What is real, what is gaslighting? What is the truth? It enables us to actually get to the real reality, the truth of everything. A quick message before we dive in. You might be watching or listening to this, but you've not had a moment to subscribe. Please, if you've gained anything of value from this series, it would mean so much to me if you could subscribe right now. You will support this channel, not only so that you can get to the new releases first. You'll get notified when they come out, but you will support others to find this information. You will be part of helping others heal from narcissistic abuse. This is really a community. It's not something that we can do by ourselves. It will help me to continue to do this content and I really want to thank everyone that is supporting me. I do get a lot of lovely messages from people. It really means the world to me. It really means so much to me to be able to hear from you that it is actually making a difference. I want to continue to do this work. So if you can support not only me doing the work but also you actively supporting other people to find this, then please do subscribe or leave a review. That'd be great. I really appreciate that. So let's dive into the conversation.

Speaker 1: 2:37

So many spiritual teachings are stating that what is real is our true nature, is perfect. You are perfect and that is the truth around spiritual beings. The spiritual part of you is so beautiful, is so perfect. There is that part of you that is so perfect. What is unreal is the egoic part, and what is narcissism is the extreme egoic. All on this scale. We're all on this scale where we have a sense of self. We have a little bit of narcissism. We do have the ego. We don't want to make it into a bad thing, but with narcissism what we are we're going away from the truth in a big way. So narcissists have. They're disconnected from their truth, from the truth your books speak of. God is love. You know that God loves his children. If you don't believe in God but you believe in the universe, in essence, what we're saying is we're taking these teachings and saying that the universe is loving and it really won't feel like that right now.

Speaker 1: 3:56

When we've been in a toxic relationship, I can feel that it will be far from what you feel. Yeah, you know, if what we have experienced is full of suffering. So let's put that on hold for a moment. But let's just be aware that's what the spiritual texts are saying.

Speaker 1: 4:15

Toxic relationships we lose our sense of unity with ourself or we lose our connection with the universe and other people. We get out of flow and people just don't understand what we've been through. So we do feel disconnected from people. There's only so many people that we can speak to and will understand without judgment. So how could anyone understand that you know who hasn't been through something like this, that we have been addicted to somebody that hurts us emotionally and psychologically. It doesn't make sense, because, looking at who you are, you know you're much more deserving of that.

Speaker 1: 5:03

You're a smart person, but you have lived with in a world that is so full of pain and we've had to pretend to be strong, we've had to pretend that we can handle it. We've had to put our hopes and dreams into this narcissist, hoping that they will become the person who will show us the love that we know we are worthy of. But it never works that way. If something isn't real, how can it provide us with satisfaction on any shape or form? Feeling that they are an illusion is so disheartening and so much full of pain, but at the same time it is so freeing. Because if the relationship is unreal and is an illusion, if it's narcissistic, it is not real, it was not real, it doesn't exist. If it doesn't exist, it has no real power over you. Now this relationship is not the source of happiness that you're looking for. Then, when you can come to terms and it is a process of coming to terms with that, then the narcissist can truly become irrelevant in your life. Then this relationship can become a source of great, great learning.

Speaker 1: 6:47

Spirituality speaks of lessons. That's how we learn, we grow, and it's when we have failed to learn you know we've gone through one experience but we haven't taken the learning from it that we will continue to be presented the same scenario, maybe even worse, again and again and again, the purpose being that, where we might have made a mistake in choosing, making choices before, we can then have the opportunity to make a better choice. One of the most important ways of learning is learning how to choose what is best for you. If you haven't healed your emotional pain and psychological thinking, you will choose based on the emotions and the thinking, from the pain that you've endured, from the narcissistic relationship in all areas of your life. So you will choose a relationship where you think they will stay with me, even though I know they're not worthy of me. There's a choice, there's a choice to be made, and there is a voice. There is a voice.

Speaker 1: 8:05

Some people call it a gut instinct, intuition, whatever you want to call it. There is a wisdom within you that is your own internal teacher, who instructs you, guides you, shows you red flags and leads you upon a path of letting go of everything. That is an illusion that the narcissist may place in front of us. But this means that we have to learn to trust our gut instinct or our intuition. So we see the red flags. You see, the narcissist is always going to take us down a route, a path that isn't going to be good for us. It's always going to lead us to pain. It's never, ever on our side. It gets us chasing love. It's like that carrot that we're constantly chasing after this love and happiness, that it is an illusion, so it's always going to fail.

Speaker 1: 9:10

The narcissist wants us to be stuck in this never-ending cycle of guilt, shame and fear, so that we always are looking for that illusion, that hope, that want of having something better for healing. We need to understand this cycle, that the cycle is guilt, shame and fear that they want us to be stuck in. You see, if we look at the cycle, you know the cycle begins with love bombing and then devaluation, and we go through this cycle over and over and over again. I mean there is a hoovering, et cetera, but just let's take those two elements, the love bombing and devaluation, and there is the obviously discard. That's an extreme devaluation. If we keep going through this cycle and most of us have been through the love bombing, devaluation cycle, sometimes many times through the day. You just don't know how many times you've been through that cycle.

Speaker 1: 10:19

It's so confusing in terms of as a mode of attack one minute you're being loved, next minute devalued. It's the most confusing thing ever in terms of being attacked. It leads us to feel compelled to think and feel that this pain that has been inflicted on us is down to us. It's like it's my fault, but the key to recovery is whether we feel like we're good enough is to see the value within yourself and then to heal. The worst thing is when we no longer value or think we are worth healing. Then life becomes extremely gloomy and that's when I feel it's so sad that so many people live in this. They live thinking they're not worth healing when we keep going through the same cycle within ourselves.

Speaker 1: 11:21

So, even if the narcissist is out of our relationship, out of our life and not in a relationship with them, sometimes we will feel so positive and we'll be like encouraging ourselves yes, you can do it, you can achieve your goals, I'm gonna do this. And then the smallest thing happens and we give ourselves a hard time we become the worst critic and we're down again and we're actually not moving anywhere. We're just going round this cycle continuously. We're not actually moving forward in our life with tangible results in our life where we can see yes, I'm moving forward, we are. We're afraid to go ahead with our life. We're afraid to face the pain that they've created, and the way to heal is through cultivating love. You might.

Speaker 1: 12:15

If you've been listening to my podcast, you'll know that I'm big on love. Making choices from a place of love rather than fear is the way to release the guilt and shame. It's like you're actively looking at how do I release this guilt and shame, release the fear? We don't need to defend, explain or justify yourself ever. You are free to forgive yourself for getting into the relationship. Then You're free to release these painful emotions. Love is the most transformative power in the world. In the end, our love changes the us faster than putting pressure and blame and criticism on us within ourself.

Speaker 1: 13:07

The most, I think, healing thing you can do in the world is be there for someone with real conviction and to be able to look at somebody and say you are not a bad person, you're worthy. You're worthy of love, to actually be able to do that for somebody is the best gift that you can give them. I'm not talking about you doing that to the narcissist, because it really won't matter what you do. Unfortunately it doesn't work. But if you see someone that you know that could get up, who has empathy, if you tell them that they're worthy and that they're a good person and they're worthy of love, the difference it will make to them is huge. See what you are worthy of in your life, and when you start to feel worthy in your life, opportunities will start to open up for you.

Speaker 1: 14:08

The narcissist cultivates people to feel lonely, defend and attack them. They separate you from who you are and separate you from other people in lots of different ways, where you start isolating yourself because we feel secretly guilty for the thoughts and feelings that we have. Now. Even you've got to understand hating the narcissist is difficult as well for you. You're probably a really decent human being and you don't wanna hate this person. This is not what you're about.

Speaker 1: 14:42

You have to forgive yourself and start healing so that you can start living your best life. If you want to move forward and you want to heal, then maybe the Heal to Five program is for you, it's intensive, it's four months and it may well be right for you. Do look in the resources section. I only take on a limited number of people every month. So if you want to heal 2024 and you want it to be different for you, do look in the resources section. If you're interested in investing in yourself, and look to watch the masterclass and see if you're aligned with the Heal to Thrive program. In the meantime, please do keep being loving to yourself and I wish you a wonderful 2024 and New Year celebrations and I'll see you next time in the New Year.