Toxic Relationships : Rich in Ego - Why Narcissists Threaten Your Wealth

Embark on a journey of self-discovery and financial empowerment as we unravel how trauma and toxic relationships can shape your economic landscape. Our conversation navigates the transformation from financial anxiety to a flourishing life of abundance. We shed light on the significance of wealth over mere money, the artistry of overcoming trauma triggers, and the power of a prosperity mindset. Get ready to redefine your relationship with wealth, as we guide you through the mental barriers that may be holding you back, including the pervasive feeling of not being 'good enough'. Be inspired by the resilience of those who have found their inherent value and turned their self-talk into a wealthy narrative, setting the stage for a future rich in more than just finances.

Our episode is rich with strategies for personal growth, as we explore the essence of language in shaping our wealth journey. Discover the importance of facing challenges head-on and the transformation that occurs when we replace the narrative of inadequacy with one of worth and ability. Join us as we encourage you to cultivate resilience, embrace your personal value, and leverage 'wealthy words' to create a life of success and fulfillment. 

We cap off our exploration with a deep dive into the transformative Heal to Thrive program, where self-worth is the cornerstone of career advancement and wealth manifestation. Listen to moving success stories from those who've doubled their income through mindset reprogramming. We invite you to consider your own potential for financial freedom, emphasizing the power of never giving up on yourself and the importance of self-love on the path to the life you deserve.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

So let's say you know you're talented and you know you have potential. You know that you've been in this difficult relationship and right now you can't shift this panic when it comes to money and wealth and you can't really make sense of it all. If you have experienced financial betrayal or any type of betrayal at all, it's emotional, psychological. You've been in this difficult relationship or you've given up your career or you've lost your career. We will look at how you can become comfortable now when it comes to creating wealth and we're going to go through the seven steps to create financial freedom and to really look at each of these issues that build financial freedom. On top of that, we're also going to look at you know you might have anxiety that you might not have enough money and that if you invest your time and effort into things now, it's just not going to work for you. You might have this constant fear about moving forward and putting your energy into something and feeling like, oh, I'm not good enough or it won't be enough, or whatever it might be that you have going through your mind. What we're going to do in this podcast is we're going to break all of that down so that you can start to see the red flags moving forward. It's basically a podcast that I had wished I'd listened to 15 years ago. It would have saved me so much on heartache, pain, and I would have understood how toxic relationships impact wealth in particular, and I thought I stayed in the relationship longer than I needed to because of financial security, but actually it was actually causing more financial insecurity, and we're going to break that down as well. What we're going to cover is looking at what is it around wealth, and we're going to look at those seven key ways. Now, one thing that we want to start by doing is forget about thinking about money in particular, because money is a word that can trigger trauma. Okay, we can feel like we just don't have enough. We are not enough. There's so much around money the word money that becomes a trigger. So instead we're going to focus on wealth and prosperity and generating wealth and prosperity, so then we can bypass the trauma that you might have around money and that will help you solve any issues around money that you might have, so that we can generate financial freedom moving forward.

Speaker 1: 2:43

One of the best places to start is if we can understand wealth as a whole, is to look at successful people billionaires, multi-millionaires If we look at them, there's a part of them that really believes. And if we look at their habits, we're going to really look at their habits, okay. One of the major habits that they have is that they believe in their vision, even if it sounds absolutely crazy and bizarre, like we need to go to Mars, okay, they will believe in something, even if nobody else does. They don't care. They genuinely do not care about what anybody else thinks. They don't care what you and I or millions of other people think. They just don't care. Successful people don't care about the opinions of other people.

Speaker 1: 3:48

Have been in a closed family system, okay. Or you've grown up in a system or a family culture where you had to listen to everybody else. You weren't allowed to have your own vision. You weren't allowed to have your own opinions. Then you will find this really difficult because you've been trained from a young age Because we have to be fair All the way through. Today, we're going to be fair about okay, what is it that we need to create and what has happened to us in this scenario, and then we can actually go. Okay, this is what I need to change If we don't know what we need to change. We can't change anything and then we'll stay stuck in this scenario. We want you, at the end of this podcast, to know okay, this is how I'm going to generate wealth, this is how I'm going to create prosperity in my life, moving forward, and we'll really break this down so it actually makes sense to you. So, if we look at a successful person, they don't care about what anybody else thinks. They have their vision.

Speaker 1: 4:43

Now, if you have grown up in a closed family system, what happens to you? If you have a belief that isn't in line with one of your parents or the system or the culture, or you don't follow what they say, what happens to you? You get ostracized. That's pretty much what happens. You get ostracized for not following what everybody else or the family culture is. So you have grown up to believe, or there's a trigger that gets triggered every single time there's something about finances. You will start to get triggered where you feel like this is a matter of survival. I need to comply, otherwise I won't survive. So it's really important for you.

Speaker 1: 5:28

If you want to move forward and you want to get to a point where you don't care what anyone else else thinks you're going to be a nice person, but you really want to get into really knowing and meeting your own potential, then you need to listen and learn what is it that my vision is and go for it. Obviously, you know there are going to be people that will support you, but sometimes you have to get to a point where you know this is your vision and you need to go for it one way or another and be less focused on what other people think about you, because if you focus on what others do, you really won't get anything done whatsoever. So, in terms of creating wealth and prosperity, we need to look at okay, where are my triggers? Why does it feel uncomfortable to be able to move forward and actually not take on board what somebody else says, but actually take on board and really listen to? What is it that I want, what do I believe, what do I want to follow? And making some choices, and before, when you were younger, you weren't allowed to do that, but now you're listening to this podcast. I'm assuming you're at the age where you can follow what you believe. You can follow what you want. So that's one thing that we need to look at is how can we look at our triggers and see how do we move forward from that. The second thing is we need to look at creating discipline. The second thing is we need to look at creating discipline.

Speaker 1: 7:08

So one of the major things that's happened is we have tried to live an easier life by complying. You know, if you're living in a scenario where there's fear all the time, you're walking on eggshells, you're basically on high alert all the time because you're trying not to trigger the person. So then you know you stay safe. Now that if you're out of that situation, now if you're safe, I really want you to understand one thing it was that compliance, that feeling of wanting to have an easier life, that made our life really hard. So really let's break this down.

Speaker 1: 7:56

What successful people believe is the more we try and do the easy thing, the harder life becomes. Do the easy thing, the harder life becomes, whereas they face whatever is hard now because they make life easier for themselves moving forward. Now you weren't in a position to do that because you probably weren't safe and you have trauma and it gets triggered and it goes every time you get triggered. So imagine that you know there's a, there's something gets triggered inside your brain and basically the brain takes over where you can't think straight, it's not like, sometimes it's not the right solution, but you just follow the system if you like, because that's the way the brain has learned the program that it needs to follow to keep you safe. But if you're able to stay safe now you really want to look at what is it that I'm avoiding right now about how I feel, what the impact is on me, so that I don't just try and do what's easy now but I heal or I face whatever it is that I need to face now, how I'm feeling, so that I can make things easier for myself moving forward. So I really want you to look at this and really reflect on it.

Speaker 1: 9:14

It's really not a good idea to try and make your life easy right now and just go for the easy thing right now. The easy thing would be just to ignore the trauma that you're facing, but actually it makes your life so much harder. You struggle all your life and if you look at your relationship with a toxic person, that is exactly what it does to you. So face what you're feeling now. Feel what you're feeling now. Acknowledge what you're feeling and say, hey, this person makes me feel bad, and then you can say, okay, how do I fix this so that it makes my life easier tomorrow, so that I don't have to deal with this every single day? So, really, you want to start building and dealing with some of the stuff now so you can make tomorrow easier.

Speaker 1: 10:08

The third thing that we really need to look at is this whole thing of not enough. When we've been in a difficult relationship, one of the major things that we get told is that we're not doing enough, we're not good enough, and sometimes they're not using those specific words, but they make us feel that way by criticizing, critiquing, by telling us to do more. We just feel we can't do enough to keep that person, we can't do enough to make that person love us, and then, so subconsciously, we can start to think that I'm not good enough. Then we have a belief system I'm not good enough. Now, what would that do to your wealth creation? Basically, it means that you're not good enough to create wealth. Yeah, and not having enough as a person, as an individual, means that you won't have enough financially, you don't have enough to give into the world, to get return. So then you stop believing that you are enough to create wealth. So that's the next thing we really want to look at.

Speaker 1: 11:23

Explore, maybe journal today, if you can. You know, where do I think I'm not good enough? And is this fair? What am I good at? And then really start from there on how to build more wealth into your life and also start having better conversations with yourself around. I am good enough, I have enough. You really need to start thinking I have enough, so then you can feel that you as an individual, as a person, is enough to create enough wealth in their life to have enough to pay for the things that you want in life.

Speaker 1: 12:06

On that point, we have to keep getting back up, because when we start to believe that we are enough, we build resilience and we keep going. The problem is that because we don't believe that we're good enough and we have enough within ourself to be able to create, we don't keep getting up. We don't keep getting up to fight the fight and to believe in our vision. It might be that you don't have a vision because you feel lost, and that's okay as well. It's a process of really sitting down and saying. It's a process of really sitting down and saying okay, what do I have within myself in terms of talents, or you know the resources that you have, and then go, okay, what can I build from this day forward based on what I have already? And then you can go back to that list and build that list and keep building your resilience, no matter what, because all of us have something that you can give right now. You can build something from what you have right now to keep going.

Speaker 1: 13:13

The fourth thing that I really wanted to talk to you about is wealthy words. Okay, sometimes we in our culture, in our you know, we use words quite dismissively, like we say on you know, maybe I'm just not good enough, or you know, or that's impossible, or you know they won't. Let me do that, I can't do that, it's not possible for me. I really want you to tune in to what words you're using and start looking at what other words that other people around you are using about you as well and to you, because what that is is they're programming you. Words are basically programs that we're using all the time. We want to reprogram ourself.

Speaker 1: 14:06

We need to look at the words that we use about ourself and, just in general, the words that we use. If you look at Nelson Mandela, martin Luther King, gandhi, mother Teresa, they freed and did so much for countries and what they did was not through war, they didn't get up and fight. They used words to inspire people. That's how powerful words can be. Words can either inspire you or they can break you down. Words are what helps you become. Words basically are your identity. The kind of words that you use are basically the words that you identify with. It gives you an idea, it gives you a flavor of who you are, how you identify with yourself based on the words that you use. So I would say to you you really want to look at every single word, the kind of words that you use on a regular basis, become aware and, if you need to, you need to look at okay, how do I look at changing the words I say so that they are more uplifting, they're more powerful, they help me move forward and that way I can start to identify myself with somebody that I want to become.

Speaker 1: 15:33

Words can either cultivate fear or they can help you find love for something that you do to be you, to be free to be you. So they give you courage to be yourself. So, just for a moment. I just want you to ask yourself why would anyone want to create fear anyway in another human being? If you look at it from a practical sense, it just doesn't make sense. They don't know they're doing it a lot of the time because they have trauma that's unconscious. But why? Why would anyone want to use fear? Because they want to hold them back, they want to control them, they want to have power and control over somebody. That's the only reason that anyone would want to make you feel fearful of the future.

Speaker 1: 16:21

Words are so powerful and it's so important to look at the stories that you're telling. If you're in therapy right now, how are you empowering yourself? Are you empowering yourself by talking through what's going on, or are you disempowering yourself by talking about what they've done to you? Or are you just wanting to be heard and understood about what you've been through? And are they really making you feel heard and understood, or are you finding that you're repeating that story over and over and over again? Is it just being wired into being your identity?

Speaker 1: 16:58

Now you have to get so sick of the story so that you can then get to the next level and say I want to heal, I'm done with this. I don't want to identify with a person that's been treated like this anymore. I want to be the version of and the person that I was meant to be all this time. They are not going to take away who I am meant to be. Nobody not them anyway are going to take away who I am meant to be. Nobody, not them anyway are going to take away who I'm meant to be. So that's where I want you to get, is I want you to really get to a new identity, and one of the ways that we can do that is through creating or changing the kind of words that we use. Yeah, it's quite important to do that, so that's one of the things. So start noticing what kind of words you're using and the kind of words that you're hearing, and start feeling the impact of what those words are making, because the income that you have is really reflecting your self-identity. And what is your self-identity? Just the programs that you've got, the programs that are impacting on your self-identity, the programs of what's been repeatedly said to you over and over and over again.

Speaker 1: 18:15

So if you have been in a toxic relationship, you've been in a narcissistic or psychopathic relationship you will be impacted financially 100%, some way, some form, because those people around you. They have brought your worth down. They have programmed you. They have brought you to using words that are less wealthy. They have brought you to think things like I'm not good enough or I need to do more. That's destroying your ability to create wealth. Not enough, not enough money, not enough. They're making you live in fearfulness, scarcity, and what's happened over time is actually influenced and impacted your income.

Speaker 1: 19:07

You want to be around people who are. You know who you want to become. So if you want to be an artist, you need to hang around masterful artists, you know. If you want to, you've got to try and be the best artist that you can be, be the best version of yourself that you can be. Forget everyone else. You've got to be you. That's the key here, because when you can be the best version of yourself, you will feel wealthy. You will feel like, yes, I'm so talented, I'm really good at this, and then you will want to give it away. You want to give it to others, and then you will want to give it away. You want to give it to others, and then you start generating wealth. You feel wealthy because you can feel the gift that is brewing within you. You feel this inside of you and you're like yes, I have this wealth. I want to give it to other people, I want to help other people, I want to serve other people, and that's how you generate wealth.

Speaker 1: 20:06

Basically, narcissists have literally programmed you for poverty. That's what they have set you up to believe and it's very, very subtle and you don't even notice it's happening. But they set you up to believe that you need them to be able to be wealthy. You need them that without them you're not going to have enough, you're not going to be enough that you're going to feel like and it's all very much on the primitive part of the brain and the amygdala part of the brain where a lot of it doesn't make logical sense, but it still is impacting you and that's where the decline in wealth happens.

Speaker 1: 20:40

Number five for basics of wealth generation you have to invest. You can't get anything without investing in yourself. It's not possible. You can't generate wealth and prosperity if you don't invest in yourself. Don't invest in yourself. You know you might need to do a course to develop yourself. No-transcript. How are you going to actually be able to generate the wealth? You can't rely on somebody else to generate wealth for you, because you won't feel wealthy inside, you won't feel like you've got enough within you. You really have to feel like, yes, I contributed to that person yesterday and I know I have something that is worthwhile. Even if it's words, if it's art, if it's poetry, if it's a kind word, if it's a smile, you start to value the things about yourself that you stopped valuing before. You have to invest in yourself so that you can see that you are worth investing in. So it has to come from you. It could be books you read. To grow, you have to be your authentic, true self. You have to be willing to actually invest and say, yes, I am going to try that, I'm going to go there, I'm going to build my confidence up so that I do it. You know, start growing, start developing, start investing because you are worth it.

Speaker 1: 22:33

Words, the words that you use, so that you can really start building your identity, because actually those programs are what impacts the actions that you take. If you're finding you're procrastinating, it's actually fair. So then you have to really keep building. Keep building, keep building your self-identity and you'll find you'll start moving and shifting in lots of different areas and it will just keep building. The income that we have is really based on your self-identity and it's about saying, okay, I'm getting better and better every day. I'm doing better at this. I you know that was excellent, that was good. Start investing in you and coaching in you.

Speaker 1: 23:17

You know words are so important and I would say the other thing that you know what I'm going to come to love. Self-love really builds self-confidence, and what self-love does is it actually does the opposite of what you might think. It actually makes you humble. Self-love is like you become a humble servant. You feel grateful for everything you've been given, you feel grateful for any wins, but you stay steeped in love love for others, love for yourself and you want to help and serve others through when you really start to learn what self-love is. You want to make a difference, to learn what self-love is. You want to make a difference. So that's another thing that I would say in terms of wealth generation within you. If you can love yourself, you feel worthy, you feel wealthy, and then you can give to others and you feel humbled to be able to help others through their healing or whatever it is that you're meant to do.

Speaker 1: 24:25

Number seven is have a think about. You know, I often think this. I know this sounds crazy, but I've got a number in my head. I reckon I've got 33 years to go, you know, and I often think, okay, where do I want to be? Think about, okay, I'm not here forever and what do I want to do right now to make the most of life? How many Christmases have I got? How many birthdays have I got? So, if it's your child's birthday, how many of these have I got left? And when you really look at it and you think, oh, I've probably got about 33 Christmases and I've probably got about 33 more birthdays with my children, you think I want to make the most of the ones that I have got left. You know you want to live today as so that every day is enriched and you see the worth. You know you see the life of every day and you see the worth. You know you see the life of every day and then you realize I am worth investing in.

Speaker 1: 25:31

You know, um, there's a saying where they say pain purifies us, you know um, from our fear. You know it gives us courage through difficult times. Who are we when we've been, when we give ourself, an understanding that this isn't forever. We can then go. Okay, I've been through this difficult scenario, but I want to get the worth, I want to get the wealth out of this experience and I want you know if pain purifies difficult. Courage is what gets us through difficult times and that gives you the courage to look at who am I, what values do I have? You know and this is the thing right, when you look at cults and stuff and you can look at Hitler, for a great example he was trying to purify, you know, a society, but really what he was doing it was obviously the opposite of purification Pain.

Speaker 1: 26:33

If you go inward inward and start using courage to actually look at what it is that you've been through, then you can get something out of it and you can see the wealth that is within you in terms of the experiences that you've had and how you can truly, truly connect with others and give to others. Then you will start to feel wealthy, I promise you, if you can start to know the value of what you've been through, this experience, you are so wealthy, you have so much to offer other people in terms of compassion because of this experience that you've been through. You don't even know what you've been through and if you can experience and heal the suffering, the peace that you will get, the resilience that you will get, you will let go of the opinion of other people and you will start to see, and then you will go back full circle and you'll be able to go yeah, this is my vision, this is what I want to do, this is my skill set, vision, this is what I want to do, this is my skill set and this is what I want to do to move people forward, or what I want to give into the world moving forward. So you want to focus on what it is that you want to do. I want you to really think about your vision moving forward. And if you want some help in this, this is pretty much what I help people through. I help you heal your trauma. I really look at all the different areas of the brain and help you move through that and give you proper tools and we get you to a point where you find your vision. You find your value, your self-worth, what it is that you're meant to do, and we teach you how to manifest the life that you want and start getting some of those Because actually, a lot of the manifestation techniques don't work because of trauma.

Speaker 1: 28:32

It's the barrier, it's the block to actually getting what you want. So many people are starting to do better in their jobs, better in their careers. It's just incredible when I see what my clients are doing. It's just incredible what they're doing because they've got their worth back. They're getting their wealth back, they're starting businesses, they're doing all the things that they want and they're connecting more to you know, to what they believe in, be it, what they have their faith in, and that gives them more strength to move forward through everything and find success in their life. They're doing things that they didn't ever think that they'd be able to do.

Speaker 1: 29:12

If that's something you want to do, please do apply for a one-to-one session with even myself or someone in my team and we can look at whether you align with the Heal to Thrive program and we can then look at okay, yeah, let's do this, we can take you through and help you heal and get your life on track and get you to manifest a better career. You know you could be one of those. One of my clients doubled her income. It's just incredible, incredible, what is possible if you actually start to get your worth back and you start reprogramming yourself. So please don't take this lightly. Do start looking at all the things that make up wealth and start turning it around so that you are living the life that you deserve, sending you so much love, no matter what happens. Never give up on yourself and please keep loving yourself and giving yourself compassion, love. You're amazing and I'll see you next time.