Sober Vibes Podcast

Sober Dating 101: How to Navigate Love Without Alcohol w/ Kate Rios

• Courtney Andersen, Kate Rios • Season 6 • Episode 225

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Episode 225 Sober Dating 101: How to Navigate Love Without Alcohol w/ Kate Rios

In episode 225 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen welcomes Kate Rios to the show, and the ladies discuss dating sober. Dating sober doesn't have to be terrifying, and it might lead to better relationships. Kate Rios shares her eight-year sobriety journey and how she navigated the dating world without alcohol.

Kate has been a part of the Sober Vibes community, and this is a listener's story!

Favorite quote from the show- "If he can't plan a date, he can't plan a future!"

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • How to build confidence when dating without alcohol
  • Tips for handling the “Why don’t you drink?” question
  • How sobriety leads to deeper emotional connection
  • Red flags and green flags in sober relationships
  • Why sober sex can actually be better
  • Kate’s personal journey and insights from her sober love life

Thank you for listening! 

Connect with Kate:

Instagram 

Resources Mentioned:

Courtney's Website 

Ready to thrive in your alcohol-free life? Sober Vibes: A Guide to Thriving in Your First Three Months Without Alcohol is your step-by-step guide to navigating early sobriety with confidence.

Grab your copy today!

Thank you for listening! Help the show by Rating, Reviewing, and/or Subscribing to the Sober Vibes Podcast.


Connect w/ Courtney:
Instagram
Join the Sobriety Circle

Apply for 1:1 Coaching
Order the Sober Vibes Book

Courtney Andersen:

Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast. I'm your host and sober coach, courtney Anderson. I'm also your go-to guide with living a kick-ass life without booze. You're listening to episode 225. I have a great guest on today. She has been part of the Sober Vibes community for a long time I believe she said she was either seven or eight years sober. But today's guest is Kate Rios and she talks today with us about dating sober. So I wanted to have her on the show because she always talks usually sometimes about her dating life on Instagram and likes to share profile pictures or profile accounts, I should say, which just cracks me up, because she's got a great sense of humor and she's going to share with you today her three main tips.

Courtney Andersen:

I get asked a lot about how to date sober right, and when I got sober I was in a relationship, but, to be completely honest, of when we both quit drinking. It was like getting to know one another and what we would do again, what our relationship would look like without drinking alcohol. So maybe one day I'll just do a solo episode about that, because this is two totally different things. But Kate gives us some good ones and we talk about our past dating experiences, especially in our drinking days. So I really hope you enjoy this episode, as always.

Courtney Andersen:

If you are a listener of the show, are part of the Sober Vibes community, feel free to reach out to me if you want to be a guest on the show, because I love connecting with you and hearing your stories. So send me an email sobervibes at gmailcom and the only thing is you have to have at least one year sobriety. That's all I require. So if you want to come on the show, send me an email and if you haven't already, please rate, review and subscribe to the show so you never miss an episode and those reviews help the show as well. All right, enjoy this episode. Slide into my DMs on Instagram and let me know what you thought of this episode. Have a kick-ass day and keep on trucking. Hey, kate, welcome to the Sober Bites podcast. I'm so glad you're here today.

Kate Rios:

Thanks for having me.

Courtney Andersen:

So I wanted you to talk about this to the good people of the world about dating sober. But first do you want to tell a little bit about your story when you got sober. What was that? What was kind of that moment for you when you're like I can't do this anymore?

Kate Rios:

Yeah. So it's kind of crazy because I feel like most people at least people that don't have problems with addiction think your rock bottom is like the worst thing that happened to you. But mine, mine actually was the night I lost my car keys from my car that I wasn't driving. It was actually at home parked and it was a horrible night in general general, and I got home and I had to get my car towed as well as another key made for my car, which was like $400 because I didn't have a spare, and it was just something about my level of depression at that point in my life. I remember sitting on my balcony and just thinking I had recently moved to the DC area and it was just a new city, the same things. I was never suicidal, but I was at a point where I was upset when I would wake up the next day. Every day just felt the same, like this roller coaster I just couldn't get off of. And something about that night was just the next day when I woke up I wanted to not drink stronger than I wanted to drink for the first time ever drink stronger than I wanted to drink for the first time ever, I would say. Previously.

Kate Rios:

I went to rehab in 2016,. But I went to rehab as like a vacation. I was like, yeah, I'm going to go to this rehab and they're going to fix all my underlying issues and then I'm going to go back to that of a normal drinker. Yeah, right, right, so, yeah, yeah. So years later, I realized that my obsession was still on the drinking. But, yeah, that night was just profoundly different and somehow 24 hours turned into 30 days. I remember telling everyone at the time that I was just doing this health quest for 30 days because, quite frankly, I didn't think I could stay sober 30 days, and that turned into six months. And then six months turned into a year, and I can't believe it. But it will be eight years in July and I know that I used to post heavily on your group back in the beginning, so it is pretty wild to go back and look at my earlier post and see how far I've came.

Courtney Andersen:

But I have to say, because I remember you in that first year and, yes, exactly of how far you have came, and I really always appreciated how you utilize that for support and like asking questions or even just being like, is this normal? Or just posting a little bit just about frustrations, right, can I even do this? Because I do think that first year it's a lot of that.

Kate Rios:

Yes, definitely. A lot of highs and lows, a lot of figuring out how to navigate sobriety. A lot of fear around telling people that I don't drink. I mean, that was one of my biggest fears was going out and being like I don't drink alcohol Right, right, right.

Courtney Andersen:

Exactly Before you quit drinking, even before the rehab stint, did you know in your soul that you were going to have to quit drinking alcohol one day? In your soul that you were going to have to quit drinking alcohol one?

Kate Rios:

day, I think around 2016, when I went to rehab, I knew it was a definite possibility. During that time, one night I went out drinking so heavily that I ended up tripping and bashing my head pretty hard. I think I actually had a base skull fracture and instead of looking at that situation and being like, wow, I really need to stop drinking, I said wow, if it hadn't been icing, I wouldn't have fallen. So I think maybe on some level I knew, but on another level I just wasn't willing to accept that all of the stuff that was happening to me was drinking it until probably 2017. But 2016,. I was getting there.

Courtney Andersen:

Yeah, how, though? I like to ask people how was your rehab stay? Was it glorious? Because I've never been to rehab, so I'm just curious when I this is why I ask people.

Kate Rios:

So I was really scared to go to rehab. My parents neither of my parents have drinking issues and they had confronted me multiple times really worried about my drinking. My grandfather was an alcoholic and just basically saying we're here to support you. I actually went into rehab sober. I didn't know that most people show up really drunk. I thought if I went drunk they wouldn't accept me. Obviously I was extremely terrified to go, but the experience was a good one. I just went in there with the wrong mindset, right. I went in there thinking I'm not like all of these other people. All of these other people obviously have severe addiction issues.

Kate Rios:

I've never tried really to quit drinking. I kept convincing myself that, even though all the times I tried to moderate, that wasn't me attempting to quit. Yeah, a lot of denial going on. I stayed there I want to say almost 40 days and unfortunately, the day I left and got back on a plane, I was drinking at the airport on the way back home. So did your parents pick you up from the airport? They did not. But when I got back home a friend of mine called my mom and said she's already back drinking and that friendship now I'm friends with her again completely fell apart. She was obviously. Your parents sent you to rehab and you're back drinking the day you get home. My parents were upset at that point, I think they knew they couldn't control it, they didn't cause it, but of course they were really upset that they had sent me to this place and here I am back drinking instantly. Yeah for sure.

Courtney Andersen:

What do you do? Do you celebrate on your sober birthday? Do you do anything for that day?

Kate Rios:

So my first few years in sobriety? Yes, usually I would go out to dinner with some friends and celebrate it. I now look at my sobriety date as more important than my birthday. I kind of look at it as my birthday. It's funny, my parents every year they'd say congratulations year by year, and I think now that they have more friends whose kids struggle with addiction, they have realized that having a daughter coming up on eight years is more rare. So I started getting like elaborate bouquets sent by them, years six, seven and eight I don't know one through five. I guess they were like cool thanks, congrats.

Courtney Andersen:

I think I did see what you share, that and I was like, oh, that's so sweet, your parents get acknowledged and give you pretty flowers. I was like, oh, that's so sweet, your parents acknowledge it and give you pretty flowers. That's a new development. Well, that's good. Okay, that's good that they see it now, right, but yeah, because this is such now more such a common thing I mean, it's always been there, but this is just more common of people talking about it and probably now of like parents and talking with one another about their kids and their struggle and talking with one another about their kids and their struggle.

Kate Rios:

Yeah, and I think the sober movement has really or the sober curious has picked up over the past couple of years. When I first got sober, you would go out occasionally. I'd go to a place that had a bar or whatever and they didn't have mocktails. They didn't have any of that stuff when I got sober and now it seems like it's just more friendly to a sober curious crowd.

Courtney Andersen:

Yeah, are you able to drink mocktails or NA beer? Are you able to do that or no?

Kate Rios:

I am. But I didn't start drinking NA beers for a while I would say four, four and a half years and just because I had heard that could be a trigger and I just I wanted to be very confident in my sobriety before I delved into that world.

Courtney Andersen:

Yeah, I always do a little trigger, a little PSA, like again with the mocktails, and that it's like if they trigger you, then don't drink them, cause I sometimes feel like people think that they have to partake in those since they're so relevant. Now, right, and it's not the case. But yeah, when you and I quit drinking we had a duel. But so this area has come a long way and I'm glad to see it so with you, because I want you to share your wisdom with the listeners of sober dating, because I told you before we started, before we started, before we press record, like I get a lot of questions on like how do I do this? So for you, did you start dating? Were you dating in that first year? Like when was this? When were you able to really go out and confidently date as a sober woman?

Kate Rios:

Yeah. So I started dating using Hinge and Bumble, et cetera, about four months into sobriety. I don't recommend it, but not because it was necessarily hard to meet men and go out on dates. I did meet a man around yeah, I would say it was around four months in, and when that ended, my emotional highs over something that was, I don't know, maybe less than 10 dates was extreme. I mean, I didn't really seem to have emotional regulation skills at that time and looking back, I can now see why they tell you to not date in your first year of sobriety.

Courtney Andersen:

Yeah, because it was just so. It was because it was where you were at like and where anybody is that in that first year, because of all of those emotions? Yeah, because one day you're crying and then the next day you're like angry and then the next day you're happy and you're like what the fuck is happening? Yes, and it has nothing to do with other people, it's you and these suppressed emotions coming out and your whole nervous system trying to get back to a baseline.

Kate Rios:

Yeah, and that's a lot what was happening. I was crying, bawling, well, also recognizing I wasn't really 100% even sold on this dude. Why am I all over the place? Now, like you said, I know what it was, but yeah, it's not something that I would recommend. I also know a few girls that started dating pretty early on too, and unfortunately, I've seen a lot of them relapse due to maybe it ends and they're not in a place where they can handle that. So I'd hate for someone to lose their sobriety over a man.

Courtney Andersen:

Yeah, yeah for sure. So when did you so? When, like after that first year, were you able to feel more confident with dating and within your emotions as well?

Kate Rios:

Yeah, after that first year it got a lot. So when I first started dating as a sober person, I was really afraid to tell men that I don't drink. I thought that I was somehow less worthy or maybe I was the problem. And oh hey, just wanted to let you know I don't drink alcohol, right. And now I look at it totally different. It's just who I am and what I did notice from dating. I'd share that and most men were totally cool with it. Most men were like, oh okay, how about, instead of a bar, let's go to Topgolf or let's go here Occasionally, very occasionally, I would get a man that would be like, oh, you don't drink. Well, I'm looking for a woman who will finish a bottle of wine with me. Therefore, I do not think we are a match. And now I'm thinking well, I don't want to go out with a guy who puts so much emphasis on alcohol. He can't imagine going out on a date with someone who doesn't drink. But would he?

Courtney Andersen:

with this? Would dude say that via text, with just texting with them before you even got out on a date, or were there ever times that you were out on a date and it came up and then they brought that up?

Kate Rios:

So usually, what happened before the date. Typically, I'm very good at letting them know. Hey, just wanted to let you know and be up front. I don't drink alcohol, but I don't mind if you do Gotcha. And then you have the guys that drink socially but not to excess, are usually like oh okay, that's cool, let's do this. Guys that drink heavily will do one of two things. They'll say, oh, I'm not sure if we're very compatible. Drinking is very important to me. Or I've noticed, and it's so weird, they'll write me a paragraph of how they drink, but they don't drink excessively. And I'm like why are you explaining your drinking to me, like defending it? It's very weird.

Courtney Andersen:

Totally because you never asked for that. That's the thing. But don't you notice, though, when you would notice, like, when you quit drinking usually the people with problematic relationships with alcohol, the ones who had issues they offer that shit to you up front when you're like yeah, I just came in to get my hair cut I didn't even ask you how much you drink.

Kate Rios:

Yeah, actually one of the dudes who started telling me this giant full disclosure of how they don't have problematic drinking tendencies. He was a mutual friend of a friend and I later found out he had severe issues around drinking and would often black out and have problematic relationships because of that.

Courtney Andersen:

For sure, Because, as we talked about it like I mean, at the end of it nobody wants, nobody wants to date people with a drinking issue or a substance abuse issue, right, that's that is now going into dating and how you see dating and even how I see a relationship or how I used to see when I dated a person. I mean I would go on first dates and get these men fucked up, get myself fucked up and start taking shots and it just would not end. Well, you know what I mean. Like, looking back at that, it's oh my God.

Kate Rios:

Oh my God Same. I would encourage men who probably drink more socially to drink to the excess around me.

Courtney Andersen:

So I totally relate, relate Right where it's like these little Mickey Mouse drinkers and then you're just sitting across from them just being like, no, let's do another round of shots. And there was a guy that I went out on a couple of dates with a couple of years before I even met my husband, and he was like nice as can be, and that was the thing. He was not very much of a drinker. And I got that man so hammered the first night and then the next couple of times we went out I was like starting to get turned off by how he acted with alcohol.

Kate Rios:

Oh, my God.

Courtney Andersen:

Meanwhile, I was the one forcing him to take shots.

Kate Rios:

Yeah, I can relate to that. I went out New Year's with a guy years and years ago and I encouraged him to drink heavily and he ended up passed out. And I told my friend, hey, can someone put him in a spare bedroom? I'm not done drinking, he just seems to be done for the night.

Courtney Andersen:

Oh God, yeah, he can't handle his alcohol.

Kate Rios:

Right, go on. Also, the way I look at dating profiles is profoundly different. So back when I was drinking I'd scroll through and I'd look for a man that says something like I love IPAs I was a big IPA girl or if they had themselves holding a drink in every photo, like that was attractive to me. And now I see if a man has a drink in every photo and they're talking about how much they love beer in their profile, those are typically the guys that you don't want to be dating.

Courtney Andersen:

No, no and like same thing for women. If you have emoji cons of glasses of wine or like the Mai Tai on the like Hawaiian cocktail, take it out, like, take it out of your profile. So how do you set up? How is your dating profile now? Do you put in your profile I don't drink? Do you put that up front? My friend, my girlfriend Leah, did that when she was on dating apps. I just put it up front so people knew.

Kate Rios:

Yeah. So there's a prompt on Hinge. You can choose different prompts and I think one is you should not go out with me if, or other things, or full disclosure, and I just I leave a cute little voice note of hey, I just wanted to be up front that I don't drink alcohol. I don't care if you do, but if that's a deal breaker, no worries, or something like that. Or if we start a chat and I don't have it maybe it's on Bumble and they don't have that, I will tell them when we start discussing date ideas, because most guys default is either drinks or coffee.

Kate Rios:

So I say hey, I don't drink alcohol, don't mind if you do, and typically the man is going to suggest something else, right? Not many men are going to be like, okay, well, let's go to a bar, I'm sure they have stuff for you.

Courtney Andersen:

Right, right, I'm sure they have a mocktail menu, right, okay, well, that's good. I think that's very empowering to just take that control and just put it out there, because then you're at least going to somebody's going to still see that or listen to that and make the decision based off them getting to know you. Do you think it's easier to date sober or do you think it's harder? I mean, now that you've been in it for these years?

Kate Rios:

Okay. So overall, I would say in terms of quality men, it is better, right, you're attracting better, you have more clarity, you're able to see, like old me, I would get really drunk on the date and take them home, right, me isn't like that. So now I'm able to figure out if I actually have a connection with that person. The only way that it's harder is sometimes I'm a little bit more nervous. I feel like drunk me was like oh hey, there, nice to meet you. It would initiate a first kiss and sober me is a little bit more reserved. I might take three dates before we share our first kiss, which is so different than me was Right exactly.

Courtney Andersen:

Oh, I get that one too Totally, right, exactly, oh, I get that one too Totally, but don't. But, like now in it and being like that, what for you in that process of cause, that's an identity shift too right, like it's where it's, this is what I did for so long. And then when you quit drinking alcohol and you get sober and the clarity comes in, like sometimes I looked back and I was like Jesus, I cannot believe I put myself in that situation. But how was that for you on that kind of identity shift, and how you then went into dates Because I'm sure you went into the first couple ones after that first year of what's going to happen? We're just going to drink coffee and I'm going to go home. I'm usually used to being like come back with me, right? How does that switch for you in the beginning?

Kate Rios:

Yeah, so when a date ends I would be super nervous Right Cause I didn't have the alcohol giving me all the confidence and like I wasn't taking them home. So a lot of anxiety around. When the guy walks you back to the car, is he going to lean in and try to kiss me? Is he not? Am I supposed to lean into him? So that was hard for me at first to navigate that, just because alcohol had done that for me and it's given me the confidence. So the first and I would say it was a while before I got more confident with expressing or showing my boundaries through body language. But yeah, the first few I would have so much anxiety, mostly as the date would wrap up, just because I didn't know how I was supposed to act.

Courtney Andersen:

Yeah, right. So what helped you with the confidence in that? Do you feel like it was time and just getting to know yourself and get more confident in your own skin? Or was it the act on going on Well, I should say putting yourself in on in dates?

Kate Rios:

It was the time, because now I look at it, as I've just met this person, right, I don't know them at all. We probably matched on a dating app. We have had maybe an hour of conversation. I don't know why I ever felt like I owed them a kiss or I owed them anything else. I mean, we are strangers, just seeing if we're compatible. And I feel like the more time I got sober, the more confident I was and the less I think some part of me felt guilty. When I first got sober that I wasn't. I would hear friends telling stories of, yeah, I went out with this dude and we were making out and stuff like that and I'm like, oh, guys must view me as boring. I don't feel like that anymore. And I've also noticed the types of men that I meet are higher quality. Right, I'm meeting men that are more intentional about dating for marriage and I feel like I've called that in because I'm weeding out men that are hyper-focused on drinking or hyper-focused on going out to a bar and partying or getting their date drunk.

Courtney Andersen:

Yeah, yeah, and where they're just in it for the night of hooking up, absolutely Right. And that just goes to show you, too, of being intentional. And also, too, when you start loving yourself and make that decision to quit drinking, and that chaos that all happened, and each day choosing another day without alcohol, like you're building that self-esteem and you are creating that vibration of who you want to attract in. Vibration of who you want to attract in.

Kate Rios:

Yes, and it gets a lot easier to tell people that I. So back when I first got sober, I was so afraid to mention I don't drink, because of course they'd be like, oh why? Oh, I used to drink a lot and now I mean I'm very open about it. I don't drink. I used to drink too much and it's just, it's natural. It's no longer something that I feel embarrassed or ashamed. It's a part of who I am. I'm so different than I was eight years ago and I'm very happy with who I am. So it's just. It's the shift of going from I have this problem that defines me to no, I'm a sober person, I don't drink. This is me. And feeling confident in saying that, Right.

Courtney Andersen:

Did you ever trauma dump on your dates of why you don't drink alcohol in the beginning? Because that is the thing of it, because people get very nervous of well, what do I say. You know what I mean? Was there ever a person where you felt like you're like, oh, I just told that person too much. It was too much of your story.

Kate Rios:

I don't. I actually don't think so. I used to trauma dump when I drank and would get wasted and then be like I had exes that hurt me and tell them just everything about my life. And then I took a man who wanted to find a wife to. He'd be running for the hills, but I think sober. I usually most men will ask oh, is it health reasons or something? And it comes from a good place, and I typically will say I used to drink too much, I realized it, so I quit drinking and that's kind of it. Now, if we go continue to go on dates and maybe we're dating for a couple of months, then I'm going to share a little bit more of what that looks like.

Courtney Andersen:

Yeah, which I think is very smart. My sister does that now where she's. I'm not going to tell everybody everything all at once, because a lot of people don't deserve your story, and especially too if they're not going to be around, because not every date you go on there's a happy ending, right. So you got to wait and you got to get quiet a little bit. They have to earn that story from you and earn that trust.

Kate Rios:

Agree, and it's a lot. It's a lot to tell someone all up front. I mean, if someone did that to me and the situation was reversed, I'd be like, oh okay, thanks for sharing all of that.

Courtney Andersen:

Right, when is this over? Because this just got weird, because it is, but I do like it, just how you kept it simple. I don't drink, I used to drink a lot and I realized it. And this is just who I am, because I do believe you can keep it short and simple and be confident within that. I believe you can keep it short and simple and be confident within that, but that confidence does take some time.

Kate Rios:

Oh, 100% yes.

Courtney Andersen:

And there's move along the conversation, you don't have to keep it there.

Kate Rios:

So, and on dates, there's an art of conversation right and most men move right on from it. They're like, oh okay, that's cool. I admire that Nice.

Courtney Andersen:

Have you dated anybody who doesn't drink too? I?

Kate Rios:

actually haven't dated someone else who doesn't drink. I've dated men who drink so lightly I would almost consider them non-drinkers, right. I have a friend, a guy friend, now, and I've known him for almost eight years and I've maybe seen him drink four beers in that time span.

Courtney Andersen:

Really.

Kate Rios:

Yeah.

Courtney Andersen:

I often feel like it's the men. I feel like men and maybe and again this goes back to they don't have their second cycle, they don't go through, they don't have a period, right. So I always just think with men. It's like I always just think with men. It's like I just don't see a lot of men with drinking issues, like women do. I know that they're out there, but it's just so you know, from people I've worked with and you sharing and friends, it's like the men that they have been with, they're like normal. It's nothing to them.

Kate Rios:

Yeah, and I don't know if it would be harder to date for a man that was sober than a woman, because I have heard and I've seen on profiles again, I have friends, I have guy friends that drink so lightly that they do not like going out with women who drink heavily, and if they meet women like that they're cutting it off or they'll go out and they don't want to drink and the woman's oh why are you not drinking? Whereas for women men do not care and I have noticed that there does seem to be a gender gap of acceptance there, which is weird.

Courtney Andersen:

Yeah, yeah, so well. Thank you for sharing with us your knowledge and experience of dating sober. Are you dating now? Are you dating now? Are you seeing anybody?

Kate Rios:

I am not seeing anyone at the moment, but I am starting back, trying to get dating again because I would like to meet someone.

Courtney Andersen:

Right, right. So what would be? Let's just recap this so the listener can take quick little notes. What would be your three tips for a lady dating who is sober?

Kate Rios:

Yes, so disclose it up front and be light about it. I don't drink, but I don't mind. If you don't mind, if you do mind, that's valid too. Look at their profiles. If a guy has a profile picture and in every photo they're holding a beer, they might drink in a little bit more than just socially. And when you're out on dates or when you're planning dates, I should say and you tell the man I don't drink and he suggests a brewery, I would really think about that. You're sharing that you don't drink. And because I have been there when I have said I don't drink and I have had one to two men come back and be like, well, how about this brewery? And I've decided to not meet them because they weren't meeting me halfway. There's plenty of other stuff that you can do on a first date outside of a brewery. So if you're matching with someone who can't think of anything else, if he can't plan a date, he can't plan a future.

Courtney Andersen:

Oh girl, shit, I like that. I've got to write that down. If he can't plan a date, he can't plan a future. Well, but that is so true though, because that's the thing. It's like you're exactly right. And when you especially in this niche of people that we're talking about when you quit drinking, right, that is starting then, with the clarity that you get, that immediately should be a red flag because it's okay. This person is not meeting me happily, as what you said Like why, why would he suggest this? Like when there is, you could just meet up at a Starbucks. Like there is so many more things to do on a first date than go sit at a bar with drinks. And I'm going to tell you from a person who bartended for a very long time again, those people suggesting that probably are taking you to their local hangout and that they have probably taken many women before and that they are most likely have their own drinking problem and borderline narcissistic.

Kate Rios:

Oh yeah, I mentioned to my I work with a psychologist and I mentioned one dude who told me oh hey, he was like I just don't think we're a match. Sharing a drink is so important. She was like, oh so he has alcohol issues instantly. I'm like, oh okay, you saw that too. And she was like, well, yeah, who puts that much emphasis on needing to drink a bottle of wine?

Courtney Andersen:

Yeah, but in the same thing, like when your behavior, like when you quit drinking I'm sure this was you too Like I mean, I had to go through it. Still, when the memories come up on Facebook, I'm like Jesus. But, like my profile, you've got to look because you're able then to sniff it out on other people's. If the profile is just pictures of you with wine and all that stuff and you and your friends partying and there's nothing else but that and you're seeing that on a person. Do not ignore that instinct, yeah.

Kate Rios:

And you know what's for me is before I quit drinking. That was my profile and I would put all about the beers I liked oh my gosh, right.

Courtney Andersen:

I will get stuff now from 15 years ago where it's just shit that I posted at 2 am with a bunch of spelling errors, it's like. Where I'm like oh my god, I was hammered at 2am Facebooking, which makes me laugh now, but I still, it's just. I'm very happy that my drinking problem, that I got sober on the rise of the internet.

Kate Rios:

One of the best things about being sober is I've never woken up in sobriety looking to see who I texted and what I said to them. Because I used to wake up and be like, oh my God, what psycho, insane thing did I say to some man.

Courtney Andersen:

And now in the morning. Well, exactly when you wake up in the morning now like feeling refreshed and thank you, jesus, because imagine if you, then if it was a person where you liked and you're like super excited about that date, and then even if you went out and got drunk after the date and did that it's, and then the next day not hearing from him and him being like what the fuck just happened.

Kate Rios:

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, oh yeah.

Courtney Andersen:

I went on so many dates back in the day with just really great men who, after I got drunk and acted a fool, were like hey, it was really nice meeting you. I just don't think we're a long-term fit and I hope this episode helps someone who is about to get themselves in the dating pool as a sober person.

Kate Rios:

Thank you.

People on this episode

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Courtney Andersen

Host
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Kimberly Elledge

Co-host