**Bonus Episode - Get to Know Your Host, Tina Gosney, Family Conflict Coach

Bonus Episode: Get to Know Your Host – Tina Gosney, Family Conflict Coach

Meet the host of the podcast, Tina Gosney, Family Conflict Coach. In this episode, you’ll hear a glimpse into my story and about why I decided to become a coach that focuses on family relationships. 

At minute 14 you’ll hear about The Mother Tree – the oldest trees in the forest who help to stabilize and nourish younger trees when they are in stress. 

For you to become your own version of The Mother Tree, You first have to build up your ability to be resilient, mentally healthy, know how to manage your own emotions, and know your own identity before you can support your children in doing these same things. 

This is what I help my clients with – to become a Mother Tree that can build her own storage of wisdom and health so that she is ready to support her family in the healthiest way possible. 

I have a few open spots for new clients. If this is the right time for you to explore coaching, let’s talk.  

CLICK HERE TO SET UP YOUR FREE CALL

Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She helps her clients move past contention in their homes and move into connection. Developing healthy family relationships can change lives.
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Connect with us:

Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/tinagosneycoaching/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tinagosneycoaching

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Tina is certified in family relationships and a trauma informed coach.
Visit tinagosney.com for more information on coaching services.

Transcript

Tina Gosney: 0:00

Tina, welcome to the coaching your family relationships podcast. I'm your host. Tina Gosney, the family conflict coach. This is where we talk about how messy our family relationships can be. Here we are in 2025 new year, and there's going to be a new format for this podcast. I will talk about that in a little bit, but I've actually been introducing myself on a lot of different platforms lately, so really wanted to just take a minute and do that in this platform as well. This is where I post the main portion of my content that I put out in my coaching business, so I will be introducing myself so you can get to know me a little bit better. Now, you know when you usually you get asked to introduce yourself, and someone says, Hey, tell me about yourself. You know you start with your relationship status, your parenting status, maybe your job and all those are important things about me, but they don't tell you who I am, but because I think they're relevant, I'm going to give you those information too. So here we go. My husband and I have been married over 30 years. We have several grown children. In fact, all of our children are grown and some of them are married. We also have a couple of grandchildren. I am a relationship coach. I help women who are in conflict with their families, especially with their adult children, I help them find peace confidence and begin to heal those relationships. Find your confidence again, because motherhood is something that can just tear your confidence down. So here are some other things that you might want to know about me. If you're still interested in learning about me, I am a seeker of beautiful things. I don't have to own or possess those beautiful things. I just really love seeking out and appreciating beautiful things such as a sunset, a beautiful flower, a book with wonderful, amazing ideas, a friendship, a painting, a piece of music. I love beautiful clothing. I love a beautiful concept or an idea. I just really appreciate and love beautiful things, and I love learning. I am a lifelong learner. There are very few things that excite me more than getting a new book in the mail or downloading a new audiobook or finding a new podcast that a friend shares with me. I love learning new things. You know, I grew up in the days of looking up information in an encyclopedia, usually those, they could be outdated, severely outdated at times, or maybe going to the library to also find a very outdated book that was, you know, the era that I grew up in. And I love how accessible learning is to us today, that you can learn just about anything with a click of your mouse. YouTube has tutorials about how to do just about anything. Think it's amazing, and also, because learning is so accessible, it means anyone can put anything online and claim that it's true. And so it can be really confusing to know what's true and what isn't true. So this is my measuring stick. I try that new learning on. I think about it for a little while, maybe implement a little bit of it. I notice, does it put more light and love into my life? Does it make me go more towards love for myself, for my family, for my for the people in my life, or people in general, for God? If the answer is yes, then I will keep moving towards it. If the answer is no, then I turn to go the other way. I look elsewhere. The fruit of that learning that I'm used, that I'm diving into, is telling me if it's something that I should keep or discard. Something else you should know about me is I am deeply drawn to the spiritual. There's something inside of me that wants to know God and wants to be known by God. I was talking with a friend last month, and we were comparing our audible purchases, our audible downloads, and then I hadn't realized until that point, I had never really looked at it in this way before, but half of my audio books are based on spirituality and being a part of a church, an organized Church, has been a hard thing for me my entire life. There are many reasons for that which I will not go into here, but a relationship with God has always been important to me and has not really been hard. It's been one of the foundations of my life, and I value it deeply. Another thing about me is that you need to know I really, really, really love my family. There is no one, no group of people, individually, collectively, that are more important to me than my family, and I have sacrificed much for them. And did so willingly, and I would do it again, and I believe in the importance of families and forging healthy relationships inside the family system. Families provide this foundation of love and support, and they give us the sense of belonging. You know, they significantly impact our well being and our self esteem and how they affect how we navigate challenges in life. We learn how to be a good human, or how to be a human in the world from the family that we were brought up in, and for good or bad, that's what happens. And then we carry that person that learning with us into the world. And that brings me to why I decided to become a coach and why I decided to focus on family relationships. About 15 years ago, I started studying human relationships, pretty much out of necessity, because I was really so bad at them. I really was I could see that I was bad at relationships, and I knew that this family that I love, love, love so much, that I was putting pain into the family system because I was bad at relationships. I was hurting people. I was being hurt by them, and I didn't know what to do. I just knew that I didn't want things to keep going. I didn't want to keep doing things the way that I was doing them. So I started studying and learning everything that I could. And because I'm a lifelong learner, and I love learning. I loved what I was learning, but I really didn't know how at first to use that information. You know, putting it into your head is one thing, moving it into your life is another. And I had some difficulty at first moving it into my life, out of my head, and into my life. And I had some help at the beginning to start taking some some little baby steps to begin making some change to the way I did things, and I made a lot of mistakes. But you know what? That's okay, because you learn by making mistakes if you don't ever move forward, you're not going to make mistakes. And so you also won't ever move forward. You won't learn. But you move forward, you make mistakes, you course correct, you learn from what mistake you made, and then you move forward again. And that's what I did. You know, sometimes our brains are going to tell us, I can't take one step forward until I know the whole plan and how I'm going to get from A to Z and so we try to figure out that whole plan, but there's literally no way we can, because we haven't moved forward when our brain tells us that it's a lie. What we really have to do is take the next step forward that we feel is the right one, and then see what happens. We take one step forward, and then the next step becomes evident. It's like walking in a really, really dark night. Have you ever been out camping where there's no city lights and just gets really, really dark and you're trying to find your way to your camp spot or to the bathroom, and you've got a flashlight, you can only see so many feet in front of you, and to see further than what's in front of you, you have to move forward. When you move forward, the light does too. And the same thing happens in our life when we start making decisions and moving forward. So as I did this, I started to see that these things that I was learning and that I was putting into action in my relationships and in my family, they were helping me to be better at relationships. And even before they started to help me be better at relationships, I started to feel different internally. I started to feel more grounded and more peaceful and less, like thrown about in the wind. I didn't feel like a feather in the wind anymore. You know, first, I was the only one that noticed, but after a while, other people did start to notice too. And I I heard things like, you've really changed, but, you know, that's a that's a good thing in a good way. Don't take that the wrong way. You've really changed in a good way. Or I heard you're different, I'm not sure how you're different. I just know you're different than you used to be. Or some people would say things like, you're just so easy to talk to. I feel like I can tell you anything, and you're not going to judge me. I take that as the biggest compliment, by the way. And then I heard other things, people that didn't really welcome my change, and I heard things like, I don't even know how to talk to you anymore. We used to be so close, and now we're not. I don't even know really how to have a conversation with you. And here's the thing about that relationships are like a dance. So just imagine, oh, dance that you've been doing for a long time you repeat the same dance steps with a certain person. You do it over and over and over again for years. Relationships are patterns. You can react. You react in a predictable way, and so do they. When you start to change and you're not doing the same dance steps anymore, that other person doesn't know what to expect from. You, and it becomes they can be very uncomfortable, and they want you to go back to the old dance, because that was easier for them. Sometimes they might even pressure you to go back to that old dance. Even though, when I was changing, it made some people uncomfortable, I knew that I had opened Pandora's box and I couldn't shed it. I didn't want to shed it, because, like I said, I measure things my learning in my life by the fruits that it gives me. And I was feeling so much more peace, so more much more confident, so much more love for all of life, it's like life opened up to me and I couldn't turn my back on that that's that good fruit. We start seeing things like that happen. I had entertained at that point in my life of going back to school and getting a master's degree in counseling and working as a therapist, because I knew that there were a lot of people in pain, but I didn't really think that that was the right path for me. A therapist, you know, works with people with mental illness, and I wanted to work really with people that are mentally healthy, but just feeling like something's not right, and they're stuck in their lives and they're just not they just need to move past where they are. That's who I wanted to work with, and just like I had been, I had this deep desire to help people thrive in their relationships, and so that's why I decided to become a coach instead of a counselor. Over the next few years, I did so much training, training after training after training, workshop after workshop, reading every book I get my hands on, and then trying to implement that learning into my life. I worked with hundreds of coaching clients, seeing firsthand what people are struggling with and what they really need to be thriving in their relationships and in their lives. I see that there are so many of you out there that are really so bad at relationships, just like I was, and you want the same things that I started seeking so many years ago. I know that you're in a lot of pain, and I know that there are oftentimes you don't know where to turn. I hear you. I was you. I know that you can find your way out of that pain just like I did. I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to do that. I don't want to hold myself up as an as an example, because I think each person is individual in their life and in the way The parents that are in my generation, whose children are coming into adulthood now, maybe they've maybe all of your children are in adulthood, or maybe part of them, or they're just merging into that part of their lives. In your life, those parents are dealing with very different issues than their parents were. There is a big gap between parents and our young children, our young adults today whiter than I think I've ever seen before. Unless we decide to learn how to do something different, we are really not equipped to keep our families that they handle things and the experiences that they're coming healthy, supported, connected and in connection with each other, loving each other. We cannot do the same things that our parents did, because that no longer works. We have to learn a new way of relating to our children, or we will see them pull away from us and our family unit disconnect. This is why I feel so strongly about supporting mothers and parents, because I know that you can be the one who does this work and supports your family to morph into something stronger. I want to leave you with this, something that I've learned about recently that I think is amazing. And this is called the mother tree, and this is an actual thing. You can look it up from. But I am telling you that it is possible for you to do on on the internet. You can Google it. Forests are not collections of this isolated organisms. They're a web of constantly evolving relationships. They're a community, just like a family, families are not just isolated individuals living together or in a relationship together. They are an intricate web of relationships, and in the forest, species collaborate in a synergistic system. There is a complicated ecosystem running through the soil, where they share resources and they interact with each other. And then there's the mother tree. The mother tree is the biggest, something different. You don't have to be stuck no matter what oldest trees in the forest. They're the glue that holds the forest together. They keep carbon in the soil. They keep the water flowing. They help the forest recover when they've when they've been through a disturbance. We need the mother trees. They are vitally important. We cannot afford to lose them. When there's a period of time, maybe a season, when the soil is nutrient deficient, it's deficient to support the young saplings that need those nutrients to thrive and make it through the season. The Mother Tree sends her resources that you're thinking right now, if my story helps you to take that she has piled and stored. She has extra resources she has sent. She sends them through the soil, through that ecosystem, to those young saplings to keep them alive, because she has the resources to support both of them. I know that mothers today want to be like the mother trees in the forest you are entering intricately connected with a very complex system to the people in your family. You see what a difficult environment your saplings are experiencing, and you want to be a lifeline for them to keep them growing and thriving. You literally can't do that if you haven't first step to change your relationship dance, then that is stored up the right nutrients and resources to be able to help them. You can't give someone what you don't have. You first have to build up your ability to be resilient mentally healthy, know how to manage your own emotions, know your own identity before you can support them in navigating your saplings in those same things. And this is really what I help my clients with to become a mother tree. I didn't know that analogy until recently, when I found this on the internet, but you can be the mother tree that you know builds up the resources so you can support your intricate web of family systems. so important to me, and I have been able to see firsthand how Okay, I'll be making a smallest change to this podcast. It's really not a big change. It's a small one, but I do feel like I need to tell you what I'm doing. I've been hosting this podcast for three and a half years now, and I've released 167 episodes. This podcast takes up a lot of my time, and I love it. I really do love doing this podcast, but it's time for me to make a small change to the format. I'll be changing this schedule from weekly to seasonal, which means there will be some parts of the year that new episodes are not released, and it's possible that I'll just do a re release during that time, and just maybe like a rerun on TV, right? But this is just out of necessity, because I'm needing painful so many of your family relationships are. I get emails to dedicate more time to my clients that I'm working with each week, and I need to have more time and resources resources to support them. I have some really amazing clients that I've been working I've been working with for quite some time, and I have some new ones that need a lot of support, and I give the bulk of my mental and physical energy to supporting them so they can achieve what they want. I have less than a handful of spots open for new coaching clients at this time. So if you want to become one of them, I want you to set up a consult with me and let's talk. There's a link in the show notes for you to set up a free 30 minute call if you have made it this far and you're still listening. Thank you. all the time telling me how painful their family Thank you for supporting me and in downloading this podcast and in sharing with other people, those download numbers continue to grow over time. And I do have one ask of you, especially if you're a long time listener, and if you're a first time listener, this invitation is open. I would love to have you take me up on this too. Would you please go to Spotify or Apple podcasts, or any podcast platform that allows you to leave a review? The only ones I know about it this time, or Spotify and Apple, will you leave me a review? Because when you do that, you'll help other relationships are. people find this podcast who are needing help with their families too, and our families need as much help as we can get at this time. Thank you so much, and I will see you next time

Unknown: 19:17

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